Avatar

Immigrant Cryptid

@immigrant-cryptid

Tell your local cryptid what you wouldn't tell anyone else (secrets are my speciality) | 27 | he/they | Melbourne
Avatar

wearing it on your neck and pointed backwards and getting knocked over in a field and getting staked into the ground and a herd of deer trample you. extending your neck with this on the front and lunging at the postman. eearing this on your ankle and waiting, crouched, in a full body cat suit and a high blonde ponytail at the edge of a soccer field currently hosting a varsity soccer game, for when a wayward ball makes its way to you, and screaming "I'LL GET IT!!!!!!!" at the top of your lungs after standing fully upright from your previous stakeout position to kick it and watch it explode on your spike. in this situation it's just past twilight and your catsuit is black so you blend in with the evening. but you've been there since dusk so everyone sees you. getting in a crowded elevator and deer-leaping backwards with the spike sticking out behind you. alternatively stepping backwards and impaling someone at neck height with you in the head and when someone tells you that you have someone attached to you and you turn around to see the person just gets dragged around constantly at your back because of the spike's strength. so you never see them. hanging your bag from your spike while using the public restroom (likely in a small boho seattle bar) because there's no hanger and your bag falls off into the toilet and then the spike falls off the choker into the toilet

Avatar

Being a biker wearing this and you hit a stone in the road and launch forward at oncoming car and your bust through their windshield missile style up to your torso & your spike pierces the driver in the neck alternatively biking naked apart from the collar and when you get launched you spin a bit and land sideways spread eagle on the windshield getting it perfect little circular little bullet hole looking shit with both your penis and the spike and you also somehow managed to pierce both driver and passanger in the neck this time. Wearing the collar to your cousins soccer game and standing perfectly still along the line the whole time in the hopes that someone will kick a crazy errant ball and it will impale itself on your spike. Pitching a tent in the cold while wearing the collar backwards and a gust of cold wind pushes you down, your spike lands on the last piece of rope needed to put the tent up but its too stuck in the earth to get out, night falls, you flail on your back for hours in the freezing cold just outside the perfectly setup, warm, cozy, safe tent that wouldn't be set up so well without you and your spike freezing to death inches away

Avatar

attaching this to a belt and jumping dick first down a crowded escalator. going to a mosh pit and kicking people in the crotch so that your spike goes perfectly up their hole.

Avatar

and you just leave it there

stacys mom turned me into a frog!

im eating flies and live inside a log!

stacy cant you see she has placed a spell on me!

now im in a bog and look just like a small green frog

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck.  Not bad luck.  I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

Avatar
official-mugi

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

Him face

Avatar

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (2)

Reblog him face for good luck in 2022

Reblog him face for good luck in 2023

Avatar

Always reblogging him face.

See, him face bring good luck in 2023.

Remembering Lilith and Pip.

Black cats DO bring good luck.

Him Face is on dashboard again, so reblogging again. Good luck!

Struck by the sudden urge to obtain a Large egg and hard boil it

A Haiku:

📲 💡

🖼️ 🆔 📖 🗣️

🖥️ 📜

[Image Description: Three lines of Emoji, that can be read as: Icon Idea Image ID Read Aloud Online Poetry End Image Description]

Reminds me of an old internet poem:

< > ! * ' ' #

^ " ` $ $ -

! * = @ $ _

% * < > ~ # 4

& [ ] . . /

| { , , SYSTEM HALTED

The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, as such:

Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,

Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,

Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,

Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,

Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,

Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH

OH I GOT ONE AS WELL

Behold, the math limerick:

((12+144+20+3*sqrt[4])/7)+5*11=9²+0

A dozen, a gross, and a score,

plus three times the square root of four,

divided by seven,

plus five times eleven

is nine squared and not a bit more

Only vaguely related but my uncle showed me this one when I was a kid to keep me busy:

He wouldn't tell me what it meant for fucking ages

It helps if you read it with a cockney accent. It reads:

'em are spiders' em are

See 'em beady eyes

'em are spiders' em are