wearing it on your neck and pointed backwards and getting knocked over in a field and getting staked into the ground and a herd of deer trample you. extending your neck with this on the front and lunging at the postman. eearing this on your ankle and waiting, crouched, in a full body cat suit and a high blonde ponytail at the edge of a soccer field currently hosting a varsity soccer game, for when a wayward ball makes its way to you, and screaming "I'LL GET IT!!!!!!!" at the top of your lungs after standing fully upright from your previous stakeout position to kick it and watch it explode on your spike. in this situation it's just past twilight and your catsuit is black so you blend in with the evening. but you've been there since dusk so everyone sees you. getting in a crowded elevator and deer-leaping backwards with the spike sticking out behind you. alternatively stepping backwards and impaling someone at neck height with you in the head and when someone tells you that you have someone attached to you and you turn around to see the person just gets dragged around constantly at your back because of the spike's strength. so you never see them. hanging your bag from your spike while using the public restroom (likely in a small boho seattle bar) because there's no hanger and your bag falls off into the toilet and then the spike falls off the choker into the toilet
Being a biker wearing this and you hit a stone in the road and launch forward at oncoming car and your bust through their windshield missile style up to your torso & your spike pierces the driver in the neck alternatively biking naked apart from the collar and when you get launched you spin a bit and land sideways spread eagle on the windshield getting it perfect little circular little bullet hole looking shit with both your penis and the spike and you also somehow managed to pierce both driver and passanger in the neck this time. Wearing the collar to your cousins soccer game and standing perfectly still along the line the whole time in the hopes that someone will kick a crazy errant ball and it will impale itself on your spike. Pitching a tent in the cold while wearing the collar backwards and a gust of cold wind pushes you down, your spike lands on the last piece of rope needed to put the tent up but its too stuck in the earth to get out, night falls, you flail on your back for hours in the freezing cold just outside the perfectly setup, warm, cozy, safe tent that wouldn't be set up so well without you and your spike freezing to death inches away
attaching this to a belt and jumping dick first down a crowded escalator. going to a mosh pit and kicking people in the crotch so that your spike goes perfectly up their hole.
and you just leave it there
stacys mom turned me into a frog!
im eating flies and live inside a log!
stacy cant you see she has placed a spell on me!
now im in a bog and look just like a small green frog
bitch you got low iron?? get back in the mines then !!!! 😂😂😂
i think we should all get tomorrow off for no particular reason. the next day too. maybe all the days
Accidentally got too high and invented a new sport called Standing In The Kitchen
She was being a little too quiet and I turn around to find her dead asleep like this
Update:
H...huh??
THINGS BLUE
Oh my god wait I gotta check somethin
THAT THINGS BLUE !!
Green cat, meet blue bunny.
pdf.......... ...... .. public display of. Friend [gives u a hug]
Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)
MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck. Not bad luck. I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!
“See him face”
I sure fucking do see him face
Him face
Reblog him face for good luck in 2021
Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (2)
Reblog him face for good luck in 2022
Reblog him face for good luck in 2023
Always reblogging him face.
See, him face bring good luck in 2023.
Remembering Lilith and Pip.
Black cats DO bring good luck.
Him Face is on dashboard again, so reblogging again. Good luck!
Not my stoned ass on the way to the gym full of motivation to get shredded
hey do you have a tumblr
no sorry
Reblog if you don’t have a tumblr
A Haiku:
📲 💡
🖼️ 🆔 📖 🗣️
🖥️ 📜
[Image Description: Three lines of Emoji, that can be read as: Icon Idea Image ID Read Aloud Online Poetry End Image Description]
Reminds me of an old internet poem:
< > ! * ' ' #
^ " ` $ $ -
! * = @ $ _
% * < > ~ # 4
& [ ] . . /
| { , , SYSTEM HALTED
The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, as such:
Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH
OH I GOT ONE AS WELL
Behold, the math limerick:
((12+144+20+3*sqrt[4])/7)+5*11=9²+0
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven
is nine squared and not a bit more
Only vaguely related but my uncle showed me this one when I was a kid to keep me busy:
He wouldn't tell me what it meant for fucking ages
It helps if you read it with a cockney accent. It reads:
'em are spiders' em are
See 'em beady eyes
'em are spiders' em are


























