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I love you,

@iminlovewithyoubutyouhateme

even though I know I shouldn't.
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11/10/23

I cannot stop thinking about you. You always come in and out of my mind, but I think being in town longer than I've been in a while has contributed. I've been listening to music we used to, passing places we used to be together and remembering our time together, wondering how you are. I hope you are okay. It seems every time we do talk, you don't seem too happy. I hope that's not truly the case. All I've ever wanted for you is all the happiness in the universe.

I've been thinking about when we broke up. Learning I am autistic last year really made me reconsider many of my life choices and has helped me understand where I was coming from. Not that it is an excuse for hurting you. I just think I didn't quite understand what I was feeling for you, and it was overwhelming and scary and made me shut down instead of allowing it to continue.

I have never felt the way I feel for you towards anyone else in my life. I have been in love with you for 10 years now. A decade. A decade of my heart dedicated to you.

I do hope one day we might find the right time and place to try again. But for now, I just hope you are happy and thriving, and maybe, even just a little, missing me too.

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reblogged
“I think one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other: their secrets, their fears, their favourite things, what they love, what they hate, literally everything, and then they go back to being strangers. It’s like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really, you know everything about them.”

— ousia-poetica

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My mom told me today that you are her favorite of my past boyfriends.
That made me both happy and sad.
Because you were my favorite, too.
But I stupidly walked away.
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Thinking of you again.

I miss you.

It's stupid and I know you're never going to be in the same place again but fuck do I miss you.

With ever fiber of my being.

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I've been able to move on from everyone else. You are the only fucking one who I can't seem to shake. You have your own place in my heart and you won't leave.

Seven fucking years. I've been in love for seven fucking years. And it has not dulled one bit. I wish I wasn't so fucking stupid. You'll never feel the same way again because of a dumb fucking mistake in eighth grade. I hurt you so fucking bad and that hurts me so fucking bad. You deserved the fucking best and I couldn't be that for you back then.

And I'll never get another chance.

Regardless, ill love you for the rest of my life.

And losing you will forever be my greatest regret.

#heartbreak
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reblogged
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asadstoryofanoldlove219
New perspective

I’m thinking about you all the time

I messed up

I gave up on us

You gave me everything

But I couldn’t love you the way you deserve

I miss you everyday

There are a million things I want to say to you

But I’m not ready for the tears to come back

I’m not ready to see you smiling while I’m alone

You are better off without me

I made a playlist of songs that remind me of you

Listening to those songs only makes me feel worse

I want you back

Losing you is my biggest regret

I thought I was doing the right thing

But without you I am even more confused

I fight with my brain every day

It’s telling me one thing

And my heart is telling me another

I crave you

But I’m not ready for that and you wouldn’t take me

I miss you more than you could ever know

I broke your heart

The person who wanted to love me forever

Who wanted to have babies with me

And adventures

The person who gave me all her love

I abandoned her

And now I am a mess

I have no idea what is going to happen next

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I've loved you for seven years.

I lost you 5 years and five months ago.

And it still hurts my soul as if it were yesterday.