My little sister has some friends over and one of them said that 26 was almost 30 and I whipped my 25 year old head around so fast I think I gave myself whiplash
Someone find me somebody to date please. I just asked my ex situationship if he liked 3-ways
Im currently unemployed and looking for a job
The rich guy I hook up with sometimes has increased the frequency he hits me up to hook up.
In my career search, I am closer to securing a position of “Trophy wife” than I am finding an actual job in my area of interest.
Eat Pussy, it’s kosher
I have a problem with the fact the original pretty little liars series cut the part about Emily’s mom being obsessed with chickens. Like I get they changed the character in so many ways, but they could’ve kept the chickens
“Imagine a room full of everyone you’ve ever slept with”
Well half the men I’ve slept with are Jewish or Asian, so it would probably look like a med school orientation
I just looked up the lyrics to Karma by Taylor Swift because I was trying to figure out if it was “punch you in the face” or “punch you in the ass” but apparently it’s “aren’t you envious that” and I am shook
Today I was telling my boss about how I don’t remember anything from upskilling week and she asked me why. I couldn’t think of a good lie so I told her the truth which was I was having a pregnancy scare that week.
One time at work I got an email that referenced some place called “Djibouti”, and I thought to myself “that sounds like an African country I never bothered to learn the name of”.
Guess what Djibouti is?
I feel like Mamma Mia is probably a shitty movie to watch on a plane after having an unprotected threesome, but I love me some ABBA
Why do trans people love crochet?
Because knitting is too binary for them
imaskylorsaurus reblogged
While I’m here, I do want to address some rumors. I’ve read a lot of gossip online that I’m dating every little white boy in Hollywood. They think I’m collecting members of One Direction like Infinity Stones.
Tumblr is still the best place to find gifs
imaskylorsaurus reblogged
Sitting here watching animaniacs, eating grilled cheese, literally the only thing that's changed is the alcoholic content of the juice box.
imaskylorsaurus reblogged
oh, you're a lesbian? which of the animaniacs do you dress like
Sometimes after bad sex, I wonder if I am actually a lesbian and not bisexual. Anyways, tonight I realized I AM DRESSED LIKE DOT IN MY FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM PROFILE PICTURES.
imaskylorsaurus reblogged
when referring to a paleontologist the "dr." is short for dinosaur
My sister (who has left the country to travel to Australia before) just texted me asking if she’s supposed to sign her passport and I’m just like
“How did you get into Australia”
DevOps is so boring no wonder my ex did it for a living
Can someone help me figure out if my boyfriend is
1) scared of intamacy
2) a homosexual
3) just taking covid precautions
imaskylorsaurus reblogged
I could watch this all day.
Source: twitter.com