Proudly Uninteresting

i think if i focused really really hard i could grow a leaf

dni lists don't work and i am well aware of this but just know that if you are a zionist/pro-israel and/or you think the israel/palestine situation is a "neutral situation" please know that you are extremely unwelcome here and will be made to feel that way. free palestine

Although the Pizza Hut brand still occupies parts of this world, it no longer stands for what it once did. You'll be hard-pressed to locate a sundae bar, glittery sticker dispenser, or red cups made of translucent acrylic – of which I can assure you were once "bottomless." The only thing left are the disaffected, stoned teenagers taking the orders. That, and the Personal Pan Pizza: more than any other, a symbol of North American culture.

In Italy, where hard-working chefs stole the idea for the pizza from visiting space aliens, they decided that a pizza should be shared. Sure, they are often capable of being eaten solo, and the owner of the restaurant would be extremely pleased if each member of your party slammed their own pizza down before ordering a flotilla of liquor, but the way they are enjoyed best is to give a couple slices to your friend. This means you have to compromise on toppings, of course, which is a concept alien to those of us raised on lifted Powerstrokes and fuzzy VHS tapes of air show disasters.

Not so with the Personal Pan Pizza – you get what you want, and to Hell with everyone else in the dining establishment. As well, Pizza Hut gets to charge a little extra margin on each pizza, their shareholders laughing all the way to the bank. You're happy, they're happy. Maybe the guy (your stepdad?) paying the bill at the end of the night isn't happy, but he can get a Personal of his very own.

Nowadays, this humble concept of individuality is becoming abandoned in favour of collectivism. No, don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those radical psychopaths who films TikTok videos about overthrowing the government from the front seat of his pickup truck. Pretty sure all those dudes got blown up by drones a couple weeks ago, and replaced by exact body duplicates grown in a lab. What I care about is being able to get a good paint colour on a new car.

Nowadays, everyone worries about resale value. Back then, nobody freaked out about choosing the optimal toppings to keep their lease payments low on their pizza; that would have been an insane thing to say. The pizza was for their enjoyment, and it was meant to be used up. Maybe the crusts got left behind and stolen by a rat. That rat is me. What I'm trying to say is: please order your new hybrid Lexus in bright green, so that I can drive it in thirty years. Don't be so selfish.

[ID: an edit of the "Oh Ariana we're really in it now" meme. Jason is leaned up against the thumbnail of Jacob Geller's video 'Control, Anatomy, and the Legacy of the Haunted House'. The subtitles say "Oh, Jacob Geller, we're really in it now." End ID]

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grant me the serenity to kill you with a brick, the courage to kill you with a brick, and the wisdom to kill you with a brick. amen

shouldn’t have to point this out but hey. don’t buy the harry potter game.

shouldn’t have to point

this out but hey. don’t buy the

harry potter game.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Leaning to the right side these days

personality test. is it acceptable to sleep in a hoodie/sweats

Jesse. Jesse meth isn't the only thing we're cooking. Because today's video was sponsored by Hello Fresh.

can’t think of a worse feeling than coming up with a really great meme, like, 2 months after the image format dies

can y'all not hate read jkr's latest book and just let her die in obscurity? thanks

hate reading is reserved for trashy books written by mediocre writers who peaked in middle school not violent transmisogynists

alcohol enjoyers are like i lovee things that taste so so bad

i love you spatial horror i love you fucked up houses i love you neverending corridors i love you doors that lead nowhere i love you something evil under the floorboards i love you architecture that doesnt make sense

witches of hemwick is for sure the most Bumpo's House of Tricks fromsoft boss

I was inspired