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greyson/apollo

@im-an-aesthetic-mess

ive been on this site way too fucking long | 20 | pronouns: https://pronouny.xyz/u/greysonaugust

This post on r/AmItheAsshole (and the OP’s follow-up responses) have me cry-laughing – please enjoy

“I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming, pounce over the counter and eat the entire five kilograms of cheese”

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professional-chaotic-dumbass

“we’re sending in the least threatening among us”

mcdonalds gave me a baby pancake 🥺 i love when small businesses send free gifts

UPDATE: DO NOT GOOGLE "RONALD MCDONALD BREEDING"

how dare u ???? EVERYONE should be educated on ronald mcdonald breeding practices.

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Actually, a lot of the research done on ronald mcdonald breeding was funded by rival diner chains as a slander campaign and is riddled with misinformation and pseudo science so the one that should educate themselves is YOU

so you hate women ???!!?!

he looks so fertile and weak

who said that

get back here and face what youve done

This whole post felt like getting slapped by a very wet piece of ham, one after another.

i know who I'd slap with a wet piece of ham

omg op went from being afraid of tumblr to creating this monstrosity.

The glass cliff, on the other hand, refers to the phenomenon by which women are more likely to be appointed to senior executive positions during times of organizational crisis, making them less likely to succeed. These newly appointed executives may confront internal board resistance, operate with less time flexibility, and ultimately receive shorter tenure than their male counterparts. And, when a woman CEO is terminated from her position, she is more likely than not to be replaced by a male (the “savior effect”).

He's stepping down so people don't pay attention to Tesla recalling 1 mil. cars.

They’re WHAT???

Also the woman named is an alt-right Trump supporter so....

the most life-changing customer i’ve ever had at work was a guy who came up to me and my coworker when we were at cash and said ‘hey kids…. wanna see something?’

and I said sure because why the fuck not, i’m here for a good time not a long time, and this motherfucker pulled a railroad spike out of his pocket.

A GODDAMN

ANTIQUE

RAILROAD

SPIKE

It was a fucking foot long chunk of steel that weighed about five pounds on its own so i was like ‘huh….. neat’

and he said ‘wait. there’s more’ and he took out a screwdriver. inlaid into the head of the spike. ‘things aren’t always as they appear’ he said as he unscrewed the bit and pulled out of this goddamn railroad spike

a statue

a tiny, tiny golden statue stood on the base of this flathead screw. it was a tiny golden man standing next to a tiny golden flower with gemstones in the petals. the whole thing was smaller than my thumbnail is tall. it was detailed enough that the tiny man had facial features. it was amazing.

‘oh my god,’ i said. ‘how long did it take you to make that?’

‘here’s a word of advice,’ he said, ‘never answer that question when people ask it. it devalues your work. you’ll get faster and better at things, and be able to make more art in less time. they don’t need to know about the process, just the product’.

and he left and that’s the one artistic piece of advice i definitely wanna hold to.

don’t tell people how long it takes to make shit.

can my body stop making noises id appreciate some fucking silence without my stomach being loud as shit

this is me when i blow my load and it starts making the squeaking noise

thank you for your input the world is full of wonder

NOSE I MEANT NOSE. I BLOW MY NOSE AND IT MAKES WEIRD NOISES

Do your followers know about Libby? It's an app where, at least in the United States, you can listen to as many professionally recorded audio books as you'd like for FREE, so long as you have a library card. You don't even need to visit the library, you can just borrow the audiobooks from your phone.

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My library is using Hoopla now, which is how I was able to download So Much (for) Stardust for free. Definitely check your local library's website!

This is the only time I have ever been able to truthfully say I love the internet. Thank you, I have so much trouble reading and and absolutely broke and this is really helpful.

people on tiktok don't even KNOW the addams family .. they're not murderous evil violent hateful people they are a loving and caring and goofy family who love humanity they just happen to be goth and can't die and have a pet lion. you will never be them.

wednesday straps her brother into an electric chair

they’re literally just having fun and playing

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i think dracula never meant for jonathan to be alive longer than today's entry. sure, he wanted to keep jonathan around for a few days to toy with him - which is why dracula barely bothered to hide his true nature (the calèche ride and being the driver, the lack of servants, the unnatural strength, not hiding that he doesn't eat or drink, the reverse sleep schedule, the pushing of jonathan's boundaries). jonathan was meant to pick up on all of that, he was meant to realise that dracula was not only a dangerous man, but something supernatural preying on him.

then, after playing with his food for a few days, dracula would have killed him and moved on. he drags out the legal matters until today, but seems to have resolved all of them by now. talking about obtaining the services of multiple other solicitors is both something you would ask to tie up any legal loose ends, and to implicitly threaten your current solicitor - the last veiled threat, before putting everything out in the open.

after finishing this conversation, dracula suddenly stands up and asks about jonathan's correspondence. this is the point where he tells asks jonathan to stay for a whole month longer. i believe, this was dracula purely acting on impulse. he has had so much fun playing with jonathan, he doesn't want to end it here.

it is only now that he provides jonathan with the means to contact the outside world, so that nobody comes looking for him too soon. if dracula had planned on jonathan's stay extending for that long, why not ask him to write back home on the first or second day, when jonathan's suspicions might not have been raised as high and the chance for hidden messages was much lower (dracula is arrogant enough to believe that he would catch any attempt of jonathan's to communicate the situation, but he is also good enough at what he does that he would have minimized any potential risk to himself).

my biggest piece of evidence is that, before going to post the letters, dracula finally gives jonathan the warning to "not by any chance go to sleep in any other part of the castle". this is, of course, because of [redacted for spoilers]. up until this point, however, dracula didn't care if [redacted] happened to jonathan.

today is the day that dracula decided that jonathan is his, and his alone.

I love the Original Flavor Vader. Like, subsequent stuff made him ridiculous by giving him a backstory and world building and shit and I love it, but just imagine

He’s the Emperor’s goth Space Rasputin who you all have to let hang around, even though he’s really killing the vibe, has absolutely no real authority over any of you (Tarkin is the one giving the orders!), and likes to spew vague threatening mantras while you try to strategize and shit. None of you know where he comes from, Darth may or may not be his real name, and that religion he likes to lecture you about is Extremely Illegal

So one day you tell him his esoteric dying faith–that, like, two old men and a twink from Desert Bumblefuck still take seriously–is old, weird, and not as powerful as your fash wetdream planet-destroying laser–and also kinda useless, dude, it hasn’t exactly fixed that Rebel Problem you have going on

Unfortunately, he is also a seven-foot-tall laser-sword-wielding robot wizard of death, so in response to this, he gets mad and chokes you out with his mind

Your other boss (Tarkin, is Probably In Charge) treats this like it’s normal and tells both of you to play nice while you make sure your trachea is intact and The Magic Death Cyborg sulks in the corner because he wasn’t allowed to murder the non-believer

Anonymous asked:

What is your Hogwarts house?

Actually I've already processed all five stages of grief in regards to a beloved author from my childhood very publicly making the jump from "milquetoast liberal with unexamined biases" to "actively dangerous bigot who will double down into perpetuity" and will no longer be basing any part of my identity on her intellectual property! Thanks for asking!

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i saw a post awhile back saying people don’t want queer representation they want queer romance, and that really put words to how i feeling about shipping culture

like wednesday and enid stood in the same room together, didn’t even like each other , and people were screaming at the top of their lungs “MARRIAGE!!”

i think that’s fundamentally why we get so little representation of the trans community and the aro and ace spectrums, i still have yet to hear the word Aromantic on film or tv (i know there’s a tv show rn in i think japan that features a aroace lead i haven’t watched it yet) i’ve seen clips of shows here and there that use the word asexual so that’s good but from what i understand they’re alloace representation which still allows the characters to participate in romance (someone correct me if there’s aroace rep)

idk it’s all just exhausting

i really wish there was a stronger push for like queer people just existing in tv and film instead of the only option being romantic relationships

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peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it

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dont do this

I really hope its not too bad bc i actually love both components.

it forms a dry skin at the top made of the sour pellets. not a great start.

tastes really good actually. i also feel like i am about to explode.

do not do this.

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Unanimous consensus: Do not do this

Other people: Hold on I’m about to do this

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Potion of fight god, shit yourself, and die.

Plants what now

I knew they could hear noises but apparently they MAKE noises too

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Cats knocking over houseplants just got a lot more vindictive

SHUT UPPPP