For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5am on the day I can sleep in.

when you forget your backpack

*releases 420 cows into a field* hahahaha graze it

Someone: are you the stupid bitch who d- Me: yeah

This is…so me

cute things to call your girlfriend: 1. sugar  2. honey  3. flour  4. egg  5. 1/2lb butter  6. stir  7. pour into pan  8. preheat to 375°

me in hell waiting for all my friends to die

What to say during sex

me rollerblading into my therapist’s office this week with sunglasses and a piña colada: maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,

i drew a pigeon on ms paint when my internet stopped working do you guys like it

i drew pigeon some papaya to eat

I drew pigeon a friend

he brings kiwi

crow brings a single cherry to the party because it was so last minute and this is all he had in his nest

robin was going to bring a slice of bread that she found in the park but she ate it on the way there

can greg come too?