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I Dont Know What Im Doing Anymore

@illveyouslut-blog

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reblogged
hotboyproblems

You know when you clean your face really well and exfoliate and stuff and your face feels ten pounds lighter and clean and kind of raw, that’s how I want my heart to feel

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fiftyshadesofselfdestruction
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runawayalters

it honestly blows my mind that there are real life people in this world who don’t experience mental illness. they don’t want to kill themselves. they don’t cringe when someone moves too fast. they don’t have missing chunks of time. they don’t panic over nothing. they don’t sit up all night worrying that they’re silently dying for no real reason. they don’t hear and see things that aren’t there. they don’t drive randomly all over the place just to make sure a car isn’t following them. I can’t believe these people exist.

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huqers
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pigmenting

sometimes i forget how many times i’ve picked myself off the floor, how many times i’ve washed away smudgy makeup and put myself to bed. how many times i’ve said no to something unhealthy. said yes to something good. how many times i’ve treated myself with kindness and patience. i forget how many times i’ve tended to wounds and made peace with my own anger. if i was taking care of a body that was not my own, i’d believe i was doing everything i could. so here’s to remembering that i’m doing the best i can.

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unspokendarknessinside
Depression is not Lana Del Rey music, with smeared black eyeliner and tears running down your face. It is not a blood-stained tub, or the blade sitting across from you. It is not being rocked back and forth by a boy as he kisses your head and whispers “I love you,” repeatedly in your ear. Depression is not the dread you feel when the person you love the most doesn’t text you back. Depression is disgusting. It is low and filthy and dirty and it eats you away, bit by bit. Depression is the stale smell of your room and your clothes, because you have no energy to clean anything. It is sitting in the bathtub for hours as you feel that dirty type of clean, letting the hot water run down your body in no aims to stand up and turn it off. It is the hunch in your back and the the defeated slouch in your shoulders, the kind that your parents always try to fix, exclaiming “Sit up straight,” but what good does that ever do. Depression is the hours spent lying in your bed, trying desperately to fall asleep but never being able to. It is your eyes being so heavy-lidded and the circles under them that don’t fade, even after a good nights sleep. Depression is the sinking feeling you get when you enter school and your mind is already set - why would you care about your grades when you don’t even care about your life? It is the darkest kind of dark, the kind that intoxicates your brain and turns your best friends to enemies, your family to people you simply push away so they don’t have to hurt just because you do. It is the raw feeling of emptiness, the kind that gnaws at your very insides and leaves you nothing more than a walking skeleton, incapacitated and incapable of feeling anything but sorrow and sadness for nobody but yourself. Depression is the deepest hole you could ever think of, the only one you could ever think of because you dug it yourself. It is being not only unable, but unwilling to pull yourself up, having the darkness swallow you whole. Depression is not rain. It is being unable to see the sun, even after the rain has passed.

It is 2015. Stop romanticizing depression. (via lighthowell)

This is prob the first kind and of these posts i truly like and that feel honest

(via teamhydrate)

depression made me the person I am today

(via highanxietylowsleep)

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i-m-d-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d
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petalsoftie-blog

side effects of being numb due to mental illness:

  1. not crying for weeks and weeks on end til one day breaking down over something not actually worth getting upset for
  2. not being able to tell if your feelings for people are platonic or romantic or if you’re just lonely 
  3. instead of caring too much not caring at all about anything 
  4. not being able to process anything going on in your life and when you try your brain stalling out
  5. losing your train of thought every five seconds so when you try to have a conversation having to pause and remember what you were trying to say 
  6. word vomiting 
  7. mind ‘STATIC’
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anxietycutting

this🙌🏼