Do I know what’s going on? Nope.

Kitty is scared

Dream and Nightmare belong to Jokublog

whoops

S1: Sir, your car is on fire.

S2: Sir, you are on fire.

I mean, the man must know, mustn't he?

I almost never posted when I used reddit. I left comments maybe once every few weeks. But here on Tumblr I feel like I need to be posting something. I know I don't really, but I've got 5 followers for some reason. I have a responsibility now. I wasn't ready to have kids, but here they are, all 5 of them, and I need to keep them fed. Here, my children, have a meager text post.

I am rewarded for my efforts with a little pop up that says some people reblogged my post. Once again, I cannot imagine why they would do that, but here we are. Back in the reddit lands, there were no tantalizing little notifications for upvotes. There was a little ticker for people to click, but that's passive. I got over a thousand upvotes once and I said "neat." But here on Tumblr, these interactions are active. If I get reblogged, it's not just a passing bit of reassurance. It's someone actually taking the garbage I just spewed out and sticking it up on the fridge for everyone to see.

I'm up on the fridges of like 10 strangers. And I want more.

The Peni and Noir scene we deserve

If the good omens official account doesn't repost that playlist next week having changed all the songs to Queen then what is even the point

i hear ya but i equally think they should do a crowley playlist utterly devoid of queen, but then do a shitpost bentley one and it's just queen's entire discography

I sat with a crying second grader today. (The age range is outside my wheelhouse but I was the most convenient adult.) He was crying, the other adults said, because his brother took a phone he was playing on. “Phone addicted,” everybody said. “If he would get up and play games with the other kids he wouldn’t be crying.”

He told me everyone lets his brother take things from him because his brother is younger, and doesn’t know better. He told me he doesn’t want to play because he’s tired, he has too many extracurriculars this summer and can’t get good sleep because “everyone in my camper is so loud when I’m trying to sleep.” He’s exhausted and only eight. His mom’s an acquaintance and told me she and the kid’s father are going through a separation — mom and four kids left the house to stay in a camper.

But people will seriously not listen to kids crying over seemingly minor things because on the surface it looks like a tantrum. If kids are given the space to articulate themselves they often will.

I’ve found that if a child is capable of having a conversation (that is, old enough to speak and express themselves, not injured or upset so badly that they literally cannot stop crying, and not behaving violently), then 90% of the time their reason for being upset is legitimate, or at least understandable.

Please remember that this also applies to teenagers and preteens, they might be acting like a knowitall who doesn’t give a shit, or a first class jerk, but chances are fair they feel like shit for one reason or another and adults just chalk it up to teenage angst instead

 Butterfly gown by Chung Tranh Phong

Miles with the hammer Spider-ham have him after he catches Miguel off guard:

oh so they’re just saying the quiet part out loud? Good to know they’re just out and open now

Come on Tumblr, don’t be fucking cowards

Alternatively -  come on nameless intern #102, you have a chance to be the fucking funniest person on staff.

cowards

Time for manual blazing, tumblr can be a coward but they can't stop us.

In some sense you could say nuclear deterrence is like the actual successful enactment of that childish pacifist utopian view of like “gosh darn it, when is humanity gonna wake up and realize war is never the answer and always leaves both sides worse off than before they started?”

Nuclear weapons finally make war bad enough that the countries with those weapons do in fact have to fully internalize that truth at the very highest level.

Yeah, this is why I feel so conflicted about nuclear deterrence. Like on the one hand, it is very disconcerting to be in the situation where hundreds of millions could die within hours at the drop of a hat if something goes wrong, and very possibly everyone else could follow suit soon after. That's so precarious a position to be in, and of course needless to say if it happens I and everyone I care about are screwed. But on the other hand it does seem to work. It does appear to have been good at disincentivizing war.

Very troubling.

Deeply unsatisfying

MAD via WMDs is the most ridiculously stupid, reckless, idiotic and evil plan in the world, which is why it’s so incredibly annoying that it seems to be working great exactly as advertised!

well it's the kinda thing that's going to have to last a long time innit. like we're not even a century into it! someone posting this on a website which has no yet been destroyed by a nuclear apocalypse is like [survival bias fig. of plane]

Is this the prequel to fucking boss baby?!?

No it’s Greek mythology

i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”

Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”

@sineala

#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan

“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”

*prolonged silence* “oh my…”

“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”

*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”

Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”

The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.

Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:

I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.

Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.

actual footage of first contact makeouts

The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.

That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.

I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.

No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”

And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.

Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.

#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew it (via kittykatthetacodemon)

Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture

Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: don’t tell me how to do my job 

Solkar, rubbing lip

gloss on his hand: don’t tell me

how to do my job

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

the lip gloss comment is my favorite and now haikubot found it

the lip gloss comment

is my favorite and now

haikubot found it

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.