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Mr. Taco

@iitacoooos-blog

Life hacks with Mr. Taco, just so I don't get eaten
Where is the flippin' taco in the Emoji's!?!
That's racist, they add burgers (America) and Pizza (Italian) but no Taco? (Mexico)
COUSIN JESUS COME SEE THIS!
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Good shit good shit ✨👌🏼✨👌🏼✨👌🏼✨

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I lost my shoe.
WHAT HAVE I FUCKING DONE

THIS IS THE 10 MILLIONTH TIME IVE SEEN THIS POST AND IM STILL LAUGHGIN

My day needed this!

WHOA i was just thinking about this post earlier

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FALL OUT BOY “Don’t Stop Believing”

how have i never heard this

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murphels

HOLY SHIT

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

I strongly dislike Fall Out Boy but this good lord it’s beautiful

how the fuck do u dislike fall out boy

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pika-dean

OU YMRJDNGUVNFI

GOIN ANYWHEREEEEEEREEREE YAAA

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how to identify "boy" clothes and "girl" clothes

are you a boy? your clothes are boy clothes.

are you a girl? your clothes are girl clothes.

are you outside the binary of boy and girl? so are your clothes.

did someone just tell you your clothes don’t match your gender identity? they are a trashcan and their clothes are trashcan clothes.

Or in the words of Eddie Izzard.. 

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Because this cannot be reblogged enough.

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Isn't it quite a coincidence that the Arkansas State Flag resembles the Confederate Flag? Even more amazing is most of Arkansas, sadly, is hanging up the Confederate flag at their houses. In my neighborhood most everyone besides a few and I are hanging up Confederate flags and pissed off about Gay Marriage being Legalized. I think the Arkansas flag should be burned too.

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you’re staring into space

it’s the middle of the night and you wonder where you lost track of your dreams 

when out of the corner of your eye you spot him

motivational speaker shia labeouf 

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malunis

Always there for you 

(He’s Shia Labeouf) 

Knows you’ll make it through 

(It’s Shia Labeouf) 

Gonna try and help youuu 

Super good therapist Shia Labeouf 

Giving you advice 

(Shia Labeouf) 

Being super nice 

(Shia Labeouf) 

Helping all the peopllle 

Actual motivator Shia Labeouf 

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OH MY GOD

Can we have a Clifford live action movie?  Not a kids movie either. 

Like, Emily Elizabeth’s parents are working for a government agency developing a super soldier serum.  None of their testing is working and they start testing the serum on larger mammals in hopes of seeing better results.  They inject a variety of animals, including a dog.  Nothing.  They are desperate and on the verge of having their project shut down when they notice one of the test dogs is pregnant.  It gives birth and they bring one of the puppies home for their daughter.

To their shock, the puppy they brought home starts to grow at an incredible rate, its fur mutating into a brilliant red as it does so.  They are ecstatic because their research has finally seen a result, albeit one they weren’t expecting.  There is only one problem.

Clifford has become attached to Emily and refuses to leave her side.  Emily, too, has fallen in love with her new pet.  They decide to let their project be canceled rather than try to separate the two.  Unfortunately, the government discovers their secret and begins a campaign to retrieve Clifford at any costs.  During the initial conflict, Emily Elizabeth’s parents are killed trying to help her and Clifford escape.  Emily and her dog flee into the wild.  This sets the opening of the movie.

Over the course of the movie, Emily and Clifford are on the run and we see Emily grow into a young woman, everything about her honed into a survivalist expert.  She and Clifford roam the backwoods, constantly in fear of being captured.  On one of her rare trips into town one day, Emily witnesses a bank robbery in progress involving multiple hostages.  She calls Clifford and the two of them save the lives of the hostages but wreck the bank in the process.  The local news capture footage of Clifford and it isn’t long before the military arrives in town.

Emily wants to just run away again, but she sees that the military is destroying the town, driving people out of their homes and destroying property in their search.  She decides that enough is enough and rides Clifford back into town and fights the military.  Amidst the fighting a huge truck arrives.  A general (who was her parent’s superior officer) gets out and smirks.  He tells Emily Elizabeth that Clifford’s mother wasn’t the only animal that gave birth to a litter of babies after receiving an injection.  The back of the truck unfolds to reveal a massive tabby cat.  The cat strains against its bindings and tears free, immediately leaping onto a nearby group of soldiers and devouring them.  Emily is horrified and orders Clifford to attack.

What follows is the dramatic battle between Clifford and the mutant cat.  Clifford has strength, but the cat is too fast and agile.  It looks like Clifford is down for the count, when the townsfolk, recognizing that Clifford is on their side, come to his aid.  They distract the cat long enough for him to finish the beast off for good. 

The military retreats, the general swearing vengeance on the two of them, and Emily and Clifford ride off into the night once more.  But the legend of the big red dog has already started.  And Emily Elizabeth knows that the day will come when she and Clifford will need to ride into battle against the forces of evil once more.

The credits roll.

Post credits, the screen fades to black for a moment.  The sound of waves crashing on shore fills the air.  The screen flashes brilliant white.  The light of the lighthouse moves on, revealing a rocky shore on a rainy day.  The camera pans down to find Clifford and Emily gazing out to sea.  A massive object hangs in the air off the coast, obscured in the clouds.  A smaller object rapidly approaches them.  It resolves itself into an advanced helicopter that silently lands just down the shore from them.  Clifford lets out a low growl but Emily quiets him with a hand on his leg.  A lone figure emerges from the aircraft, huddling his arms around himself to fight off the cold.

He approaches the two.  His hair is short and somewhat curly.  He wears glasses and a grey flannel shirt and seems unlikely to pose a threat to the two.

“Emily Elizabeth,” he says over the sound of the crashing surf, “I worked with your parents.  It’s taken us a while to find you, after the Birdwell Island incident.”

“And who exactly is ‘us’,” she responds, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Ignoring her question, the man continues.  “Me and Clifford have a lot in common, actually.”  He smiles a little awkwardly, then presses on.  “I was hoping you might be interested in meeting my boss.  He’s fairly excited to talk with you.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.  Who are you and who do you work for?”

The man smiles.  “My name is Banner.  And I’m hear to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative.”

how long did you even spend writing this for that fucking twist ending because my friend you are one devoted fan

Holy shit

What What What Holy shit that plot twist

THAT PLOT TWIST!

OH MY DAMN!

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That face you do after your younger sibling proves you wrong but you still act like you're right

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Okay so I just got done watching Filipino Annabell and I was like in a full flip out, and suddenly, this rock-a-by-hell-spawn just started rocking and came on and said, insert evil laugh here, "Come on and play with me!" By itself. And I was like, oh my sht face Obama, the democrats are coming. And then the horse was all like, "I'm a giraffe." And I was all like, "Your a demon-ocrat!" And freaked out and burned it. Done Jalapeño with Tacooo.

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Mario Kart With Mr. Taco

Tie bananas and dead turtles behind your vehicle on the Walmart scooters and drive fast. Encouraging kids to ruin their childhood since the Immigrants entered America.

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Taco

Let's talk about how awesome Taco's are then make it depressing so we can add the cheesy line, "I don't wanna Taco 'bout it."
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Eating a Taco a day won't keep the doctors away. So don't eat tacos damnit. You ate cousin Jesus. YOU ATE COUSIN JESUS!

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Driving Life Hacks With Mr. Taco

Driving with your windows down waste more gas than driving with your air conditioner. Encouraging kids to encase theirselves in their mobile box since the immigrants entered America.

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Masturbation

For every minute you masturbate, a pound of weight is loss. If you masturbate for 10 minutes, you lose 5 KG of weight. Encouraging kids to do great things since the immigrants entered America.