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@iicarusflew

i’m just full of dread and existential crisis and i write

it's making me insaneee how kendall literally cannot acknowledge his own abuse and keeps defending logan under the guise of 'he wanted to look after me'. he recontextualizes it as just a 'fun game' and can't even remember some of it. logan probably fed him some bullshit about needing to make him strong to become ceo so in kendall's mind it was all okay and not abuse at all. and it's so much easier to think abuse was something that happened to other, weaker people (his siblings) and not him so he can just distance himself from it all. bringing up his siblings' abuse is safe and easy and let's him play Strong Big Brother without having to face anything about his own issues. being abused means logan sees you as weak and unworthy and he's not that <- kendall in his head ever since he was 7 yrs old

yeah

forever going to be haunted by that hug. it’s literally every single thing ever ever ever. sick to my stomach over it. like smothering a crying child. a four year old and a five and a half year old speaking with their eyes. it was a game you enjoyed it. i asked to be put in a cage? well what if i exploded.

“A pang of jealousy hits me. Not for either Finnick or Annie but for their certainty. No one seeing them could doubt their love.

get to know me meme: favorite character pairings   • annie cresta and finnick odair (the hunger games trilogy) •  

“he never lets go of annie’s hand. not when they walk. not when they eat. I doubt he ever plans to. she’s lost in some daze of happiness. there are still moments when you can tell something slips into her brain and another world blinds her to us. but a few words from finnick call her back.”

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incredibly important cut content. beyond me why they decided to leave out integral character building like this

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(average succession fan voice) its about gas. it's about farting and bloat and restraint and release. it's about vulnerability, bottling up your feelings until they explode. if one can't fart in front of another then what else are they hiding. it's the fart motif

define hole / is a hole a real thing? / Marco Poloni, Black Hole, from The Majorana Experiment, 2010 / Flatfields Fotografien / What We Talk About When We Talk About Holes / Dark (2017-2020) / post / Disco Elysium / Twin Peaks: The Return (2017) / Donnie Darko (2001) / Kaveh Akbar, from “The Miracle,” Pilgrim Bell / post / Weizmann Institute of Science / Mathworld / post / post / post / post / Anne Boyer, from “Woman Sitting at the Machine,” in A Handbook of Disappointed Fate / Dennis Patrick Slattery, The Wounded Body: Remembering the Markings of Flesh / The Incredulity of Saint Thomas, Caravaggio, 1601–1602 (detail) / The Incredulity of St. Thomas, Bernardo Strozzi, 1582-1644 (detail) / Don McKay, from “Twinflower,” Field Marks: The Poetry of Don McKay, intro. Méira Cook (Wilfrid Laurier University Press, 2006) / thierryetherve / Pathologic / post / Gregory Orr, from How Beautiful the Beloved / Tomas Tranströmer, tr. by Robert Bly, from a poem titled “Track,” / Disco Elysium / Anne Carson, Economy of the Unlost / Pathologic 2 / Disco Elysium / Carl Phillips, from “Givingly”, Wild is the Wind / post / Pathologic / The Juniper Tree (Nietzchka Keene | 1990) / John Banville, Eclipse / Twin Peaks / Disco Elysium / VectorStock / True Detective / Night in the Woods
I also want to give credit to @arairah for being the lead holologist on this site and the intermediate source for a lot of this, thank you!
I thought I had been surviving, and yet, what I was really doing was hanging by a string, loosely holding myself from collapsing. I was always on the verge, and I could feel that friction in my soul.

Fariha Róisín, from Who Is Wellness For?: An Examination of Wellness Culture and Who It Leaves Behind

on shame and yearning (pt.2)

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Sources:

  1. S.T., "300122," Tumblr, January 30, 2022, https://www.tumblr.com/ryebreadgf/674840497145233408/300122-st.
  2. Silas Denver Melvin, "love as an act of merciful conquer," Tumblr, November 2, 2021, https://www.tumblr.com/sweatermuppet/669052643259432960/from-love-as-an-act-of-merciful-conquer-by-silas.
  3. chandajaan, Tumblr, accessed via https://rockboci.tumblr.com/post/674728141263093760.
  4. Richard Siken, "Birds Hover the Trampled Field," in War of the Foxes (April 28, 2015).
  5. Emily Palermo, "What I Could Never Confess Without Some Bravado," The Rising Phoenix Review, March 15, 2016, https://therisingphoenixreview.com/2016/03/15/what-i-could-never-confess-without-some-bravado-by-emily-palermo/.
  6. Georges Bataille, My Mother/Madame Edwarda/The Dead Man (January 1, 1966).
  7. Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath (April 1, 2000).
  8. Frank O'Hara, "Homosexuality," Poetry Foundation, May 1970, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse?contentId=31570.
  9. Heather Havrilesky, "I'm Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I've Wasted My Whole Life," The Cut, November 28, 2018, https://www.thecut.com/2018/11/im-broke-and-friendless-and-ive-wasted-my-whole-life.html.
  10. Lucille Clifton, "climbing," in The Book of Light (July 1, 1992).