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The magic of childhood is that you were constantly encountering new things. The best way to feel that way again is to fill your life with new experiences.
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so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!
here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:
disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.
sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.
so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—
here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:
- it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.
so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE:
- you have to pay for pay per view.
so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”
- AS A FAMILY.
and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.
“i received the tv bill today,” my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. “does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?”
as a reminder, a quick table survey:
- my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
- my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
- my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
- me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography
silence.
my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”
silence.
my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.
my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”
- WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?
“don’t expose my kid to that crap.”
- DON’T
- EXPOSE
- MY KID
- TO THAT CRAP
“if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room.”
- I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
- IN THE LIVING ROOM
but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?
- are you fucking kidding
- i did not want to go to porn prison
the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:
- my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
- my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
- my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences
but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?
- are you fucking kidding
- this is the best thing i’ve ever done
*wheeze* this is Heist Movie level
Twitter's faced this law before, and they had strong filters to block Nazi content in Germany. (It was part of how we knew damn well they had the tools to block or remove hate speech... because they did it in countries where it was illegal.)
See this, from 2012:
It looks like Elon's changes have included removing the anti-Nazi filters from Germany or their moderation team can no longer keep up with reports.
Or both. Both is also likely.
Anyway. The lawsuit is over activity for the last four months, so this isn't "some bits & pieces kept slipping through for the last many years, and we're finally annoyed enough to do something about it."
Germany’s Federal Office of Justice today announced(Opens in a new window) it had started “fine proceedings” against Twitter for possibly violating the country’s Network Enforcement Act. The law essentially requires social media companies to act within 24 hours to remove “clearly illegal” content after it’s been reported, and within seven days to remove other less-obvious illegal postings.
24 hours is... not a lot of time, since that includes weekends and the reports may be coming in well outside of US business hours.
But. In the past, Twitter managed them. Of course, operating on a skeleton-crew staff, they may not have 24/7 moderation coverage anymore. And Elon doesn't want content removed because someone thinks it's offensive.
My guess: Germany gets its ruling and Twitter refuses to pay up. They've been skipping a lot of payments recently.
And then he starts screaming when every advertiser with an office in Germany pulls their ads under threats from the German government. Oh, and German ISPs will then block Twitter entirely. (Which was the threat that got them to create the anti-Nazi filter in the first place - Twitter wasn't concerned about fines, but they didn't want to be blocked in a substantial portion of the EU.)
"This new deletion policy is terrible for preservation of archival media" that's the point, bro. That's explicitly the point, though they'll never admit it. Major social media platforms straight up do not want archival media to be a thing – it disrupts their business model by existing, and it's hard to monetise. In their perfect world, media more than 90 days old would vanish in a puff of smoke and be irrecoverably forgotten.
on the announcement that Disney+ is removing a plethora of shows and films from its service, please read these tweets from Willow writer John Bickerstaff. this is not a tax writeoff like Batgirl, because these projects have already been released. this is a move designed to cut off financial support in the form of residuals, and break the spirit of the strike. here is the deadline article that lists the films/shows that will be removed.
as always, donate to the entertainment community fund, vocally support the WGA online and irl, or join a picket in a major US city if you can. let them know they can't keep getting away with things like this.
the dehumanization of high-risk people at almost year 3 of the pandemic is so enormously scary and painful.
“high risk people will protect themselves” how? did you think about that? are we able to go grocery shopping? are we able to see loved ones? are we able to access lifesaving medical appointments? no! you refuse to protect us!
“I think you’re taking covid too seriously” I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die! I’m a human, too, and I don’t want to die! Look at me — I’m a human!
