Concept: A witch cat that’s too fat to fly

Chubby cats should get to fly too! <3

This makes me want a video game about a zombie apocalypse that only affects men so it’s up to the housewives of 50s’ America to save humanity.

…saving this idea for class.

i would play the heck out of that game, it is an amazing idea.

Also can there be a character design screen so you can make your little housewife?

I think it’d be entertaining to see what guys could come up with for making their female-selves. If you ask me.

I would so play this game. 

I would suck at it but I would play it.

I’ve never played a zombie game, but you got me at 50’s.

Hngggggggg I love 50s clothes give it to me

OMG I already thought of some sort of premise:

In 1953 a certain laboratory on an undisclosed location developed a serum that could genetically modify humans, giving them enhanced speed, agility, strength, and brainpower.

Scientists found a way to modify the serum such that it could only activate itself in the presence of a Y chromosome, thus isolating the effects to men, mostly because of female discrimination at the time.

The serum was a success, and sales skyrocketed just a few weeks after its release.

What the developers did not anticipate, though, was the human body’s incapacity to handle the serum. The mental and physical over-exhaustion triggered a mental decay which starts out slow, but speeds up exponentially within a few months after usage of the serum. The brains of the users are left with only the most basic survival reflexes, transforming the users into strong, fast, agile, emotionless human shells, devouring any mobile life form in their path.

Bites from the affected individuals could place copies of the rogue serum into the bodies of the bitten, giving them the symptoms. Shortly after, the serum evolved into a sort of genetic virus, causing mental decay in just days. No one was safe. No one…

…except the women.

*cue in epic music*

Can you imagine the shitstorm this game would cause. I’d laugh pretty hard.

Would still play it though.

Not gonna lie, I’d play the shit out of this.

I approve of this concept 100%

I want a montage in the beginning of the housewife getting ready to kick ass

She puts on her best dress, a string of pearls, does her hair taking out the curlers, puts on her most stylish flats, and the finishing touch, her engagement ring with the big diamond in it, and when they fight, they look fabulous and kick ass like they were trained by Catwoman and Harley Quinn

Lipstick the shade of the blood of my enemies

oh my god everything about this post forever

also literally fucked a man so hard yesterday that today i found pieces of my bed on the floor

I read this too fast and thought it said “pieces of him on the floor”

journey to the center of candace is 100% candace's fault who the fuck eats a sandwich they find abandoned on the floor of their garage

you people are insane so youre telling me if you walked outside your front door one day and saw THIS

you would simply walk over and eat the fucking sandwich no questions asked??????????

listen i couldn't take a photo inside the garage because it's not my garage i just put a sandwich in front of the first garage i saw but yOU ARE MISSING THE POINT IT WAS ON THE GROUND. FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG.

and her brothers are PHINEAS AND FERB.

therefore it is of my opinion that candace is Not allowed to be mad at them for the invasion of her large intestine, because SHE ate an unattended sandwich off the FLOOR. thank you for coming to my ted talk, your honor.

I fully support your interpretation of this but hang on back up

What do you mean that's not your garage?

OP out here in the wild just putting a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich down in front of random people's houses for a Tumblr post

Op better not be mad when the homeowner comes and eats their grilled cheese sandwich off the ground

i can't even really defend myself here because i literally did eat that grilled cheese after i took this picture and that plate was on the ground for easily the same amount of time that isabella's plated grilled cheese was on the ground for BUT to be fair i never took my eyes off that grillt cheese so i knew for a fact there were no little boys in miniture submarines in my cheese. but like yeah

How would you know? There could have been little boys in miniature submarines already on the floor, that moved onto your sandwich while you took that picture! Little boys in miniature submarines are an ever present risk.

#RIP Op

This reads like an ancient post but it was written 22 hours ago

So, okay, fun fact. When I was a freshman in high school… let me preface by saying my dad sent me to a private school and, like a bad organ transplant, it didn’t take. I was miserable, the student body hated me, I hated them, it was awful.

Okay, so, freshman year, I’m deep in my “everything sucks and I’m stuck with these assholes” mentality. My English teacher was a notorious hard-ass, let’s call him Mr. Hargrove. He was the guy every student prayed they didn’t get. And, on top of ALL OF THE SHIT I WAS ALREADY DEALING WITH, I had him for English.

One of the laborious assignments he gave us was to keep a daily journal. Daily! Not monthly or weekly. Fucking daily. Handwritten. And we had to turn it in every quarter and he fucking graded us. He graded us on a fucking journal.

All of my classmates wrote shit like what they did that day or whatever. But, I did not. No, sir. I decided to give the ol’ middle finger to the assignment and do my own shit.

So, for my daily journal entries, over the course of an entire year, I wrote a serialized story about a horde of man-eating slugs that invaded a small mining town. It was graphic, it was ridiculous, it was an epic feat of rebellion.

And Mr. Hargrove loved it.

It wasn’t just the journal. Every assignment he gave us, I tried to shit all over it. Every reading assignment, everyone gushed about how good it was, but I always had a negative take. Every writing assignment, people wrote boring prose, but I wrote cheesy limericks or pulp horror stories.

Then, one day, he read one of my essays to the class as an example of good writing. When a fellow student asked who wrote it, he said, “Some pipsqueak.”

And that’s when I had a revelation. He wanted to fight. And since all the other students were trying to kiss his ass, I was his only challenger.

Mr. Hargrove and I went head-to-head on every assignment, every conversation, every fucking thing. And he ate it up. And so did I.

One day, he read us a column from the Washington Post and asked the class what was wrong with it. Everyone chimed in with their dumbass takes, but I was the one who landed on Mr. Hargrove’s complaint: The reporter had BRAZENLY added the suffix “ize” to a verb.

That night I wrote a jokey letter to the reporter calling him out on the offense in which I added “ize” to every single verb. I gave it to Mr. Hargrove, who by then had become a friendly adversary, for a chuckle and he SENT IT TO THE REPORTER.

And, people… The reporter wrote back. And he said I was an exceptional student. Mr. Hargrove and I had a giggle about that because we both knew I was just being an asshole, but he and the reporter acknowledged I had a point.

And that was it. That was the moment. Not THAT EXACT moment, but that year with Mr. Hargrove taught me I had a knack for writing. And that knack was based in saying “fuck you” to authority. (The irony that someone in a position of authority helped me realize that is not lost on me.)

So, I can say without qualification that Mr. Hargrove is the reason I am now a professional writer. Yes, I do it for a living. And most of my stuff takes authorities of one kind or another to task.

Mr. Hargrove showed me my dissent was valid, my rebellion was righteous, and that killer slugs could bring a city to its knees. Someone just needs to write it.

This is the first time I’ve seen this post but I know I’m gonna love reading it every time it shows up on my dash

today i stubbed my tow very hard against my dressor but didn't feel anything #numb🤘

i spelled dresser wrong are you serious

And toe

wait what

this is so embarrassing

Posts that have 10k to me

hey now

you’re a rock star

get your game on

‘redditors need to know this’, ‘twitterinas need to know that’… no. you need to know one thing and that is that you are not allowed to complain about werewolf fuckers. this is the werewolf fucking website. grow up and go fuck a werewolf.

What does this gif have to do with werewolves?

if you have to ask you’re not ready

can you explain? i don’t get it

This is like someone just informed the newcomers about the devils sacrament taking place every full moon and the devil itself popped up asking “what sacrament?” with a cheshire grin.

YOU CAN ONLY REBLOG THIS ONCE A YEAR

Guy who’s only ever seen Rocky Horror Picture Show watching his second movie with the word “horror” on the cover.

Someone else already pointed out that Richard O'Brien is also Riff Raff in another reblog I saw but I wanted to specifically add this

And also I can’t remember the episode now but it was one Kyle and I just watched, and it referenced the “Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky!” bit.

a stimboard for every stardew valley marriage candidate!

11/12 - sebastian!

x x x / x x x / x x x

i know this please help me

if you seek skeek at my slorse you hate me at my worst

HOW THE FUCK DOES THE SYAING GO

cool news i think i have some thing wrong with me

it happened again

new development in my brain loss story: i deadass just forgot what jerma was called

i couldn’t make this up if i tried

i still have NO idea what OP means by 'Jerma'. That's, not a thing. I just get random twt account when I google the name.

i wish i was you.

hey guys great news. guess who saw a doctor recently and it turns out my shitty comprehension skills that coincidentally got worse around the same time i got hit in the head with a spinning loose bench board in middle school probably wasnt just an autism thing and chances are i have aphasia that’s just been unchecked this whole time

I hope OP is okay but my god am I dying of laughter

#OP I’m glad you got help and I’m sorry that happened to you #but your aphasia has made me weep with laughter

normally this would just be on my personal blog but I’m laughing so hard I had to share it

Untitled.

i made a comic in google slides for some ungodly reason

the long-awaited sequel, Untitled #2

Untitled #3 explores the formulaic entertainment mass-produced by the pawns of capitalism. Or I just wanted to say ass. One of the two.

Untitled #4: the plot thiccens. also there’s a plot apparently

Untitled #5. This whole comic is 23 strips long, and I’ll be doing daily uploads until it’s all posted. Thanks for the great response y’all.

Untitled #6. Okay so firstly, HOLY FUCK Y’ALL. I did NOT expect this comic to get notes, let alone fanart. The most recent strip will always be linked at the bottom of my pinned post, so you can check there to see if you’re caught up.

Untitled #7. Not much to say here. I hope you’re having a good day!

Untitled #8. The true plot begins.

Untitled #9. The Creator can possess Red because I, like Red, have a phenomenal ass. That’s it. It’s not that deep.

Untitled #10. *slaps roof of blue square* this bad boy can fit so much fucking existential despair

Untitled #11. Bet you didn’t expect the ass jokes comic to come to this now did you

Untitled #12. Red is fucking pissed at me. sorry buddy

Untitled #13. I indeed cannot have a comic without characters. Well played, Red.

Untitled #14. Red has his priorities straight.

Untitled #15. It would be funny if this were the last strip but I promise it isn’t. I put too much effort into the end of the comic to stop it now.

Untitled #16. Nice try, Red. Nice try.

Untitled #17. The paradox of omnipotence perpetually vexes me :(

Untitled #18. Let’s not have any ambiguity: Red’s dead. Hey, that rhymes! Neat!

Untitled #19. While strip 18 coincidentally did fall on April Fool’s, it wasn’t a prank. This comic has two characters now. Remember when this comic was about ass jokes?

Untitled #20. Three more strips to go. Holy shit.

Untitled #21. ass haha

Untitled #22. What am I going to do? Who knows… Find out tomorrow at roughly 8:30 AM EST!

Untitled #23.

Probably the happiest ending this comic could have had

World Heritage Post

I just spent the last 10 minutes reading all this & have no regrets.

Wow. I loved this more than I probably should.

I just spent the last

10 minutes reading all this

& have no regrets.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Oh my god that ending actually almost made me cry

I have to reblog this every time because frankly this is absolutely genius prose

I’m God’s weakest twink

if anyone is wondering why i came back to tumblr out of nowhere it’s because i was very high and playing splatoon 3 and i said “if i win this game i post on tumblr” and this was the first post that came to my head

HUGE day today! Happy birthday Annabelle!!!

the ghost of one specific homosexual cowboy regularly possesses Tumblr gays

*seductively* doomed by the narrative all by yourself, handsome?

*reveals traits that foil yours* Not for long.

when you see your little kitty walking toward you at a leisurely pace and say "hi baby!" bc you're excited to see her and she starts trotting a little bit faster 'cause she's excited to see you too. that's what life is all about i think

But what about how she says “mrrrow” just as she starts her lil trot?

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

Do you need something.

before this starts getting notes i have to add that this is not my dog. i dont know how he got in my backyard