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IFluffySquirrel

@ifluffysquirrel

an odd place but you're welcome here
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screampotato

Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).

When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".

When the boat is still being built, your say "it".

When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".

When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".

When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.

If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").

If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")

If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").

If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.

If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.

I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.

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Omg this is like 800 metaphors rolled into one megaphor

I would like everyone to know that vulture vomit is very stinky. It smells of rotting flesh and they use it to drive away predators

Direct action

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wbicepuppy

hey, at least have a picture of the American vultures doing this, not eurasian/african vultures, they are very different creatures!

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kyriolex

Apparently vultures are protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act, so there is nothing ICE can do about this except politely try to shoo the birds away.

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meow-moment

So gods finally stopped fucking around and started with the Omens huh

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reblogged

John's Passion narrative has a never-ending fascination for me, because it's where you get Jesus at his most divine--knowing everything that was going to happen, making the guards fall to their faces when he speaks the name of God--while the people around him are at their most human.

There's an entire political drama going on. Pilate the Roman pagan getting dragged into this provincial Jewish religious dispute. These Jewish leaders and Jesus providing different visions of truth to a politician who doesn't care what the truth is. There's extremely sharp political back-and-forth between the Roman and the Jewish authorities--the Pharisees trying to force Pilate's hand by saying that everyone who makes himself a king opposes Caesar, then Pilate backing them into proclaiming Caesar as their king and twisting the knife of pettiness by labeling Jesus as the Jewish king in four different languages while He hangs on the cross.

Petty, personal, political human drama taking up all their attention.

And meanwhile, God is dying.

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YOU CAN MAKE THE WORLD A KINDER PLACE BY BEING KIND! THAT’S ALL IT TAKES!!

YOU CAN MAKE THE WORLD

A KINDER PLACE BY BEING

KIND! THAT’S ALL IT TAKES!!

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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reblogged

so like up until the 1600s, people believed that plants got their mass by eating dirt, because where the fuck else would they get it from. a guy named jan van helmont thought this sounded kind of funky and decided to test it by planting a willow tree sapling, letting it grow in a pot for 5 years, and measuring the soil before and after. lo and behold, at the end of the 5 year experiment the weight of the soil was basically the same. he decided that the mass of the growing willow tree would HAVE to be from water, because what the fuck else could the plant possibly eat, am i right lads???

anyway what im trying to get at is that its actually a really common misconception that plants eat dirt. they do not eat dirt. they get their mass from carbon dioxide in the air that they converted into sugars and starches in photosynthesis. yes, they get nutrients and stuff from the soil, but the bulk of what you see in terms of like, leaves and bark and Non-Water Plant Stuff™ was made from materials converted from carbon dioxide in photosynthesis. 

jan van helmont did not know this. jan van helmont self-identified as an alchemist and spent most of his time thinking very hard about how eating things worked while under the assumption that plants apparently got bigger from only water and absolutely nothing else. this, although some sort of mood i can’t pin down– a small worm, a similar hat, if you will– is not a life style i would encourage

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dukeofriven

This is a weird callout post for a guy who made the most logical deductions he could have given the resources and tools he had at his disposal.

i wrote this trying to find a funnee joke way to correct the ‘plants eat dirt’ misunderstanding but u know what? this is valid. post cancelled jan van helmont didnt deserve this

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aethersea

I mean to be fair the chain of “sounds sensible” is directly inverse to the chain of “actually true”

“plants eat dirt” ok sure, there is physical mass (dirt) and then there is physical mass (plant), most plants can’t survive when taken out of the dirt, this checks out.

“plants eat water” I mean he did weight the dirt so I guess that one’s debunked, and there’s nothing else plants will die without, and I mean they do have sap and so on inside them, we know the water goes into the plant. sure! weird but okay!

“plants eat air” get out of here. you’re just making things up now.

In his defense. They do also eat small amounts of water.

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Me, Catholic, walking into a Protestant church with no depictions of Mary: where’s my mom

Me, culturally Protestant, walking into a Catholic church filled balls to the walls with paintings sculptures candles and god knows what else: why’s there so much stuff

Me, Orthodox, walking into a western church:  w h e r e   a r e   t h e   b o n e s

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odin-n-out

Me, vampire, walking into any denominational holy place: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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hungry-hyena

Me, a janitor, sweeping up the vampires ashes: where the fUCk did all this dirt come from

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curseworm

by far the best part of grocery shopping is the little babies. i was carefully selecting mushrooms when i felt upon me a piercing gaze and looked up to see a very chubby and very red-cheeked baby staring intently at me from a grocery cart with a slightly furrowed brow, hand clutching an apple for dear life. i wiggled a mushroom at her and she gasped and kept staring. i turned back to the mushrooms and heard a shriek. i turned around and the baby stared in anticipation. i wiggled another mushroom and she shrieked again in delight. she looked down at the apple in her hand, considering it for a moment. fair-minded as she was, she decided it would only be right to wiggle produce at me in return, and she held up the apple and shook it with all her might. i think i could live forever now

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Middle-aged magical girl.

She's been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she's very tired.

My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I've been Earth's one and only... Wonder-Sparkle Princess.

she's been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren't giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they've added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don't interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her* Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he's dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can't save you if you interrupt her rare vacations

Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people's hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can't, got a PTA meeting.

Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.

Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor's heart with hatred then?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That'd be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!

Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How's the husband? Still dead?

Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don't mess with my time off :p

Why are people tagging this '#wonder sparkle princess' like that's a thing and not a name I made up exclusively for this post?

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ardinwriter

Congratulations on inventing a new tumblr deity!!

She isn't 29 years old. She's been a magical girl for 29 years. If she started at 14 (typical magical girl protagonist age) then she'd be 43.

Assigned magic girl at birth

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howelldaniel

There’s a fic on fanfiction(.)net that I’ve kept tabs on for years to see if it’s been updated or not. While I’m no longer even in the fandom it’s written for, it just has one of the greatest storylines I’ve ever read. Last time it was updated was 2011.

The other day, I decided to reread the entire thing and leave a very in-depth review of what I thought of each chapter. I also mentioned how I started reading it when I was 13 and am now 21, but always came back to see if it was ever finished because I loved it so dearly.

Today, said author sent me a private message saying that her analytics showed that the story was still getting views even after all these years, but no one ever bothered to leave reviews other than “update soon!!!”, so she never felt motivated enough to finish it. She said that me reviewing every single chapter with lengthy paragraphs made her cry and meant the world to her. She also mentioned that she felt encouraged to write the two remaining chapters needed to complete the story and that she would send me a message the night before she updates the fic.

I’m literally sobbing. I’m so excited :’)

Please always remember to leave a review when reading fanfiction!!! It means a lot to a writer.

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aquaflv

really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite

yesterday she told me some story about the Buddha's wife and child and I was like. Wait. He fucked? And she was like yeah of course he fucked, why wouldn't he, he was the most attractive and loveable and and wise and etc. person who ever lived. why would he not fuck.

this morning she looked perplexed in the kitchen at me and said "did Jesus not fuck?"

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A lot of adulthood is shouting “AUGH MY LAUNDRY” hours after you put it in the washer/dryer and running to go fetch it

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curlicuecal

oh shit my laundry

reblog to save someone’s laundry

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funnywormz

obsessed with how ryoko kui sometimes draws falin wearing these shirts with the images of her skeleton chilling in the dragon's stomach. it's so fucking real. if i'd been eaten by a dragon i would 100% wear shirts like this too

i think this is so funny to me for 2 reasons

1) it implies that falin actively like. reclaims and makes a joke/point of identity out of dying and being digested. which is pretty metal and hilarious of her to take something that objectively traumatic and make light of it. i love that the small glimpses we see into falin's character really show that despite her sweet personality there is still a darker more mischievous side to her......... or at least that's what i like to think. i can definitely imagine her having a dark sense of humour which shocks others who assume she's sweet and innocent lol

2) i love how the skeleton is just chilling in the impatient pose with the clock in the background. ik she wasn't conscious or anything (afaik) when she was eaten but it's so funny to imagine her as a skeleton just tapping her foot checking her watch like "uhh hello guys?? can you hurry up???" lmao. the others are going on an epic quest to rescue her and she's just bored as hell in there

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Annabeth: Thalia we need to tell you something

Thalia: ok what is it

Percy: we're dating

Thalia: and this is News? I've known for the last 2 years

Annabeth: we got together a week ago?!??

Thalia: than what the fuck were you doing before???

Artemis, in the distance: language Thalia