Waiting for the day this happens to me.

This is still my favorite comic to date.

Every time I see this it makes me happy

Reblog if you are not a clever man

i was thinking about the weirdest phone calls i got when i still worked at the public library and i remembered this one phone call. it was probably less than 20 seconds long, but it still makes me laugh.

anyways, this woman called and without even saying hello after i said the usual “public library, how can i help you?” spiel, she said, “i have a very important question: when you shelve books, do you push them all to the front of the shelf or all the way back?”

it took me a second to process the question and then i answered that, at the library, we always shelve them so that they are even with the front edge so they’re easier to grab and see. she was obviously delighted by this answer and then, as if an afterthought, she asked, “okay, what about you? what do you do at home with your books?” i said i did the same thing. she hummed in obvious agreement and then just like that she said “thank you!” and hung up.

i never heard from her again. i hope she won whatever argument she was having.

for about a year, i worked at a call center for sprint. i have a similar kind of story. a woman called, and said she had a question about the call history on her bill. “sure, let me just pull up your account-” and she cut me off going, “no, no, it’s not anything specific, it’s just. so, if you change the time on your phone, does that change the time on the bill?” “uh… no? the time on the phone doesn’t matter, the call history is recorded by the towers.” “ohhhh” she said in the saltiest voice i have ever heard “so even if you changed the timezone it wouldn’t change the time on the bill? to, say, the middle of the night?” i stg yall i looked into the camera like i was on the office. “um… no? it would still be the local time of the tower. is there anything else i can help you with?” to me, overly chipper: “nope! thank you! have a great day!” turning on someone as she hung up: “she says yoU’RE A LYING SACK OF-” i still mean-snicker every time i think about it.

i used to work in a call center for a roadside assistance company, from late 2015 to early 2016. it was easily the most miserable job i’ve ever had, and the turnover rate was very high. people stuck on the side of the road tend to be quick to anger - understandably so - and it wears on you after awhile.

so i had been having a string of very time-consuming, draining calls. my line rings again, i steel myself for another angry caller, and i pick up. “[redacted] roadside assistance, how can i help you?” i chirp, in my Customer Service Voice.

“yeah, hi,” a gentleman with a thick southern accent responds. “my motorcycle won’t start.”

i brace immediately for another long call. motorcycles were notoriously difficult to work with - a lot of insurance companies wouldn’t insure them, and a lot of tow companies refused to pick them up because they require a specific sort of trailer.

“i’m sorry to hear that, sir. what’s your current location?”

“oh, i’m just at my house. i was wondering if it would be okay for me to just load it into my trailer and take it to my buddy’s shop. would that interfere with my insurance?”

i click through his account and am Relieved to discover he’s in the clear. “No sir, it looks like you’re good to go. Can I help you with anything else?”

A pause. “Have you heard the good news?”

My Anxiety, which had been receding, suddenly spikes into the fucking stratosphere. I live in the rural south. The “good news” usually means “Jesus” and i was in no mood to be proselytized to for god knows how long.

i steel myself for the Religious Talk. “What news, sir?”

“McDonald’s is now serving breakfast all day!”

I laughed so hard I almost cried. I hope that guy ate as many hashbrowns as he could.

What happens if you have questions?

idk looks fine to me

Noisy crows are disturbing sleep of a Pallas’s Cat.

are you going to buy snacks for the demon outside the 7-11

to everyone who said yes, you are now married. congrats!

Listen im just saying scribes 'prev tagging' their manuscripts is part of how we lost countless classical works but those who copied out the tags preserved fragments that r sometimes all we have so :// choose which side of history you want to be on

If youve got this tagged "prev tags" im sending a fleet of vikings to sack ur monastery btw

Source Instagram Art by Rene Faria

Love the subtle tenderness and joy… **

Just heard someone say “30 years ago, in 1993,” and stopped what I was doing. I froze. What do you mean 1993 was 30 years ago. That’s illegal

Endocrinologist voice: Your estrogen and testosterone numbers are looking good, but your Tony Hawk's Pro Skater scores are still lower than I'd like.

STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]

#this is a dog committing what are obviously cat crimes - azzandra

Another case where the camera was clearly set up to figure out how the little shit was pulling it off

My boyfriend's professor doesn't believe I exist, so I sent this email

And his professor responded with this

my blood looks more beautiful than yours it's a more luscious red

edward cullens not gon a fuck you babe

you've picked the right target you're just a decade late this would've ruined me at sixteen

“He just discovered his shadow. He’s 10 years old.”

(via)

Succession (2018 - present) // Pride and Prejudice (2005)

stop listening to music and start listening to the sounds of nature. the “eagles?”The “rolling stones?” The “beetles?” Come into the beautiful forest with me and you will find all of those things friend…. I promise….If you just believe<3

In the beautiful forest you will also encounter the “mountain goats” and “corn” and “monkeys” and the “killers” and the-what do you mean what was that last one? Nothing haha don’t worry about it…………… <3