Log in
Avatar

The Blog of a Llama

@if-i-were-human

*insert something funny here*
Posts
if-i-were-human
infinitevoidofnoodles
Avatar
eau-duresistance

My favourite things about the whole OceanGate disaster, in no particular order

  • That the vessel was originally named Cyclops II but the CEO renamed it to Titan, so it’s even BETTER than the Titanic
  • He also called it indestructible
  • The guy piloting the vessel is an ex-naval captain who has been on several titanic manned trips. But the guy is 77 rn
  • The billionaire from Pakistan is apparently friends with King Charles. You’d think for someone who’s besties with a guy whose job was literally being born, he’d care more about protecting his bloodline. Instead, he brought his 19 year old with him
  • Meanwhile, the stepson of one of the other billionaires (I think the British one named Hamish) went to a Blink 182 concert. When questioned about this, he basically went “my family would want me to go to the concert”. Today, minutes after posting about asking for thoughts and prayers, he @‘ed an OF model on Twitter, asking her to sit on his face
  • Bc it’s part of the safety demo & music track list for the trip, there is a VERY good chance that if there’s still some power left in the sub, it’s playing an instrumental of My Heart Will Go On on loop
  • Also, the vessel is a submersible bc it doesn’t meet literally any of the safety regulations to be called a submarine. Which the CEO knew, because he’s blatantly said that safety regulations get in the way of progress
  • The CEO once stated that he thought the future of humanity was not in space, but in the ocean when the surface becomes uninhabitable
  • Apparently the controller he’s using has REAL bad reviews because the connection always fails
  • These idiots paid $250k EACH but they had to pack their own lunch. Not even a damn charcuterie board
  • The pilot’s seat is on the toilet. So whenever someone needs to go, the pilot needs to move
  • There’s 1 window looking out. That’s it
  • It’s about the size of a minivan
  • The sub uses texts (but only to the CEO’s phone) to communicate, as well as StarLink, but they can only access that if they surface
  • The door literally cannot be opened from inside
  • There is a decent chance that at least 1 person has been cannibalized (my bet was the pilot since he’s not rich, but bc of the banging sounds, he’s probs not dead, so it may be the CEO)
  • They’re supposed to run out of oxygen tomorrow (22/06/23) at 7 am est, but tbh, the CO2 scrubber system will probs fail before that
  • The toilet is a plastic bag
  • This is only the 3rd time in 3 years the vessel has gone to the Titanic. Every other time, there’s an issue and they gotta turn back within like 4 hours
  • A lot of major news networks are trying to remain positive, but it’s a HILARIOUS comparison when you go to social media and every single person is like “yeah that shit is built like a cardboard boat, they’re fucked”
  • The company’s name is literally called OceanGate
if-i-were-human
infinitevoidofnoodles
Avatar
fritzllang

once again rich capitalists treat safety regulations as a pesky way for the government to take money away from them and not as the literal testament in blood of all the people that have died or been injured because of unsafe situations

if-i-were-human
queenayame
Avatar
the-unseelie-court-official

The feminine urge to walk into the woods never to return.

Avatar
the-unseelie-court-official

The masculine urge to walk into the desert to never return.

Avatar
the-unseelie-court-official

The androgynous urge to walk into the ocean to never return.

Avatar
the-unseelie-court-official

For the oysters.

Avatar
bigtittya1chemy

I can’t believe australian prime minister harold holt was nonbinary

Avatar
ghostly-harmless

hold on I gotta google something

Avatar
ghostly-harmless

I probably could've pieced that one together myself tbh

if-i-were-human
weirdinternettrash
Avatar
keepinventory
sees art with thick smooth line art: ah yes i want my art to look like that
sees art with sketchy thin line art: ah yes i want my art to look like that
sees lineless art: ah yes i want my art to
Avatar
keepinventory

…… this isn’t my post. i didnt makethis post. why does it say i made this post

Avatar
faunlord

not to be boring and solve the fun mystery but it says that bc it’s a “chat” post, not a text post. which used to not include the OP’s username, so tumblr assigned you op I Guess (source: i made this post in 2014)

Avatar
keepinventory

thank you for giving me custody of this post 🙏 i just picked it up from elementary school and tomorrow it has soccer practice

if-i-were-human
weirdinternettrash
Avatar
groovyfags

I love you queers I love you fagdykes I love you m-spec gays and lesbians I love you ace kinksters and aroace people with multiple partners and anyone with "bad" or "conflicting" identities.

if-i-were-human
inkformyblood
Avatar
squareallworthy

Every RPG should include one NPC who gets annoyed with you when you try to skip their dialog.

Avatar
squareallworthy

NPC: Many times the Diadochi have threatened us; many times we have fought them off. But now, with the old king dead --

Player: *presses B*

NPC: *dirty look* As I was saying, with the old king dead and his heir but a young boy,

if-i-were-human
urenium
Avatar
cattimeswithjellie

Every so often I almost forget that Cleo is the absolute best ever, but then something like this happens:

All the armor stand parkgoers in Scarland are adorable, but Scar saw this family and literally almost cried. And so did I. Cleo's storytelling in Minecraft is just unbeatable. Every little one of these wooden people has a real heart inside.