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@idk-man-i-dont-use-this-blog

I am really not a fan of "love is love" as a slogan for the queer community. It centers queerness as romantic/sexual interest in other people, and to me feels like it’s inherently ignoring or even excluding intersex people, gender variant people, aspec people, and people with intersecting queer identities. It sanitises queerness into a form that’s easily consumed by a perisexist/endosexist, allonornative, amatonormative, cisnormative culture, instead of critiquing the harm those structures cause.

“Love is love” takes the focus away from important pieces of queer history and culture, such as drag queens, butches, trans folk, and other gender variant or fluid identities. With a slogan like “love is love”, it becomes easier to imagine every queer person as looking straight or at the very most slightly camp, and just happening to be attracted to and wanting to marry someone of the same gender, with a little wiggle room for polyamorous people too.

I think it just becomes a form of respectability politics. Queerness ought to be about accepting and embracing other ways of Being, not making a little extra wedge of space for certain people in an oppressive framework that still demands gender conformity and adherence to certain relationship rules, and still pathologises intersex and aspec people. It ought to be about tearing down that framework so it’s safe for people to be however they want or need to be — regardless of whether or not that falls within what was acceptable in the original framework.

Queer culture and queer liberation are intersectional, they always have been, saying “love is love” just feels like whitewashing it away.

I've been thinking about how "the spirit doesn't conform to the flesh." It doesn't have the same ring to it, but it might be what OP was talking about? I'm not sure honestly; I thought my thing after I had to listen to a terf go on why she thinks nonbinary folks are 100% wrong.

Fascism sells a synthetic nostalgia.

As good a time as any to remind folks of the 14 properties of "ur-fascism" (described by Umberto Eco, who grew up in Italy under Mussolini, in his 1995 essay Ur-Fascism). Not all need be present for single regime to be fascist, but a Venn diagram of all fascist regimes will cover them all.

  1. CULT OF TRADITION. The old ways are best. The New is not worthwhile.
  2. REJECT MODERNISM The development of Western philosophy post-Enlightenment is seen as a descent into depravity. See also : Reject post-modernism, which is seen as an even greater descent into irrationality.
  3. ACTION FOR ACTION'S SAKE. Action is to be taken without reflection or introspection - that's for weaklings and degenerates. Often seen in a derision of "intellectual elites".
  4. DISAGREEMENT IS TREASON. Analytical criticism cannot be allowed. A pantomime of discourse may be allowed, but only within the accepted framework and only if reaching the foregone conclusion.
  5. FEAR OF DIFFERENCE. Outsiders are your enemy. Those who are different are evil and want to corrupt you and destroy all you hold dear.
  6. APPEAL TO A FRUSTRATED MIDDLE CLASS Capitalising on genuine frustrations by pointing them toward convenient scapegoats. Real concerns used a recruiting tools.
  7. OBSESSION WITH A PLOT. There is a conspiracy run by THEM. You are besieged by THEM. THEY are behind all your ills. THEY are working in the shadows to enslave and destroy you.
  8. THE ENEMY IS BOTH STRONG AND WEAK. When rhetorically convenient, THEY are all-powerful. When rhetorically convenient, THEY are feeble, stupid, weak. The rhetorical focus shifts regardless of self-contradiction, because all that matters is positioning the enemy where the speaker's goal requires them to be at any given moment.
  9. PACIFISM IS THE ENEMY. LIFE IS ETERNAL WAR. There must always be an enemy to fight. When that enemy is defeated, another must be found. When they cannot be found, they must be created, even from within. There is always the promise of a Final Solution bringing Ultimate Triumph, but it can never be achieved.
  10. CONTEMPT FOR THE WEAK. Elitism disguised as populism. Everyone of US is superior to THEM, cockroaches and drains on society that they are. But people are sheep who require strong leaders, who are by their nature superior to others.
  11. EVERYONE IS TAUGHT TO BE THE HERO. A CULT OF DEATH. Where in myth the hero is exceptional, in fascism everyone must be the hero. They crave heroic death, the reward for heroic life. In seeking it, they send others to die. (See also: Militarism).
  12. MACHISMO. Disdain for women and femininity. Intolerance of non-standard sexuality and gender expression.
  13. SELECTIVE POPULISM. The People are viewed as a monolith with a single will, as interpreted (in reality, determined) by the leaders. Democratic institutions are viewed as illegitimate because they run counter to the narrative of the existence of a single Voice Of The People.
  14. NEWSPEAK. Vocabulary cannot expand. If anything, it must shrink. Variation and nuance in dialogue means variation and nuance in thought. This cannot be allowed. Therefore categories must be binary. Definitions are simple and limited. If it cannot be boiled down into snappy catchphrase it does not exist.

it seems so strange to me that the only people it is socially acceptable to live with (once you reach a certain stage in life) are sexual partners? like why can’t i live with my best friend? why can’t i raise a child with them? why do i need to have sex with someone in order to live with them? why do we put certain relationships on a pedestal? why don’t we value non-sexual relationships enough? why do life partners always have to be sexual partners?

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My grandmother and grandfather more or less adopted my grandmother’s best friend back in the 50s. After my grandfather died (before I was born, back in 1968 or so) they continued to keep house together, platonic best friends, and they hung together until they died, a few months apart, in 2007.

It’s quite recently, as far as I can tell, that living arrangements like that have stopped being regarded as normal.

It’s absolutely a new thing to find this stuff weird, and it has a lot to do with media pretending that the nuclear family and marriage are the only reasons to live with other people.

I’ve lived in a 3 adult household my whole life. My parents and their best friend. This was never weird to me, even though everyone my age thought it was because the media never portrayed these kinds of housing arrangements. As far as i was concerned, I just had an extra non-blood parent.

According to my parents, it was very common in the 70′s-80′s to buy houses with your friends, because it was financially smart to do so (so long as you were certain they were close friends who wouldn’t fall out with you and fuck everything up). Houses and house payments are much more manageable when you split the bills 3-4 ways instead of just two.

Millenials aren’t the first to think it’s a great idea to just shack up with friends. That’s housemating without the hastle of living with strangers. It’s still a good idea to shack up with people you’ve known a long time so you know how you’ll get on living together, but still. In the current economy, it’s pretty much now our only option for affording anything.

I think, and I’m not researched on this, but I think conservatives probably tried to suppress images of non-nuclear families because they likely thought it would encourage ideas of polygamy, polyamory, open sexual relationships with or without marriage, as well as other relationship types they thought of as un-christian or unsavoury. I could be wrong, but that shit wouldn’t surprise me.

(And i want to make a note that there’s also a disturbing amount of asexual denial around that makes people go ‘if they’re living together they HAVE to be banging because why wouldn’t they?’ and that shit both creeps me out and annoys me no end. People can be in relationships without sex. People can live together without sex. Sex is not the be-all and end-all and people being taught to think it is really need to stop).

Don’t let the media fool you into believing you can only live with a sexual partner or blood family. Someone somewhere has an agenda for making these seem abnormal, when really it’s just practical.

A lot of people acted like it was super weird when two of my brothers decided to move states with me when I started my postdoc. I got really used to giving a little canned speech about it because it seemed to bewilder people so much. (Their leases happened to be up! We could share rent! They wanted to try somewhere new!)

The notable exception was my grandma, who was just like, “oh, yes, when we were young my sister and I decided to move cross-country together and it was lovely.”

More of this kind of thing for everyone, pls.

The implication that close sibling relationships must also be a warning sign for incest also peeves me off; what kind of society are we living in anyway

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Having a multi-adult household unit also just makes a shit-ton of sense, tbh. Much easier to split not only the bills, but also the housework and child-rearing responsibilities. Communal living ftw.

It’s also super a capitalism thing.

With only two working-age people in the house, it’s very difficult to make ends meet without one of them (or increasingly, these days, both of them) working away the vast majority of their waking hours to earn enough money to support the household. The other person, if they aren’t also working similar hours, is there to support that working person, full time, with unpaid labour.

The end result of this is that nobody has any time or energy to spend together properly, and they just end up tired and miserable and shackled to their work, throwing money at their problems because it’s all they can do. It’s very easy to convince tired, miserable people to spend their money in the ways you want them to, and it’s also very easy to manipulate and oppress people who don’t have the energy or the means to fight for their rights. Convince a whole nation that this is the way the world is supposed to work, and you’ll be well away.

Death to the cancerous myth of the nuclear family.

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this is exactly the type of thing us aros and aces are referring to when we talk about amatonormativity

The molar pregnancy Jaci Statton had would never become a baby. It was cancerous, though.
At the last hospital in Oklahoma she went to during her ordeal last month, Statton says staff told her and her husband that she could not get a surgical abortion until she became much sicker.
“They were very sincere; they weren’t trying to be mean,” Statton, 25, says. “They said, ‘The best we can tell you to do is sit in the parking lot, and if anything else happens, we will be ready to help you. But we cannot touch you unless you are crashing in front of us or your blood pressure goes so high that you are fixing to have a heart attack.’”

A molar pregnancy isn’t viable. It’s not even viable in the womb. It’s literally a cancer, A C A N C E R!!!!!

“But shurrrrrrly there’d be an exception for if the patient’s life was in danger!!1!”

“They’re not trying to outlaw medical miscarriages or kill women, just protecting the widdle babies!”

“It should be up to the states, I mean the *people,* to decide whether pregnancy complications will be fatal or not rather than the courts! It definitely can’t be decided by a patient and doctor!!”

Except we knew it would be like this. It was always going to end up here.

I hope every single one of you anti-abortion forced-birth sanctimonious creeps understands that you’re responsible for this. You are how we got here, and you have blood on your hands.

An Ancient Greek Transgender Person

We read this passage in class yesterday and I thought it might interest youse guys. The passage is from Lucian’s Dialogues of the Courtesans 5; it’s a discussion between Clonarium, a young man, and Leaena, a courtesan who had an unusual experience at a drinking party.

Eventually Megilla, being now rather heated, pulled off her wig, which was very realistic and fitted very closely, and revealed the skin of her head which was shaved close, just as on the most energetic of athletes. This sight gave me a shock, but she said, ‘Leaena, have you ever seen such a good-looking young fellow?’ ‘I don’t see one here, Megilla,’ said I. ‘Don’t make a woman out of me,’ said she. ‘My name is Megillus, and I’ve been married to Demonassa here for ever so long; she’s my wife.’ ‘Then, unknown to us, Megillus, you were a man all the time, just as they say Achilles once hid among the girls, and you have everything that a man has, and can play the part of a man to Demonassa?’ ‘I haven’t got what you mean,’ said she, ‘I don’t need it at all. You’ll find I have a much pleasanter method of my own.’ ‘You’re surely not a hermaphrodite,’ said I, ‘equipped both as a man and a woman, as many people are said to be?’; for I still didn’t know, Cleonarium, what it was all about. But she said, ‘No, Leaena, I’m all man.’ ‘Well,’ I said, ‘I’ve heard the Boeotian flute-girl, Ismenodora, repeating tales she’d heard at home, and telling us how someone at Thebes had turned from woman to man, someone who was also an excellent soothsayer, and was, I think, called Tiresias. That didn’t happen to you, did it?’ ‘No, Leaena,’ she said, ‘I was born a woman like the rest of you, but I have the mind and the desires and everything else of a man.’ ‘And do you find these desires enough?’ said I. ‘If you don’t believe me, Leaena,’ said she, ‘just give me a chance, and you’ll find I’m as good as any man; I have a substitute of my own. Only give me a chance, and you’ll see.’
Translation: M. D. Macleod, Loeb, 1961.

So Megilla - who, as a side note, is from Lesbos - was born a woman but identifies as a man, going by Megillus. Still, for some reason, they* disguise themselves as a woman. The whole situation is a bit confusing but the bolded bit is clear: Megilla/Megillus is, in modern terms, transgender.

Lucian’s Dialogues are fictional, but the fact he mentions a trans person speaks for their existence at the time. Remember that whenever people claim trans people are a recent phenomenon!

*I’m using they/them pronouns because it’s unclear exactly how they refer to themselves. Greek conjugated verbs are mostly non-gendered (so what the translation renders as ‘she said’ is actually ‘he/she/they said’), but there is one participle in the feminine (οὐδὲν ἐνδέουσάν με τῶν ἀνδρῶν, I’m as good as any man) despite Megilla/Megillus asking Leaena not to refer to them as a woman. So, unclear.

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Hi, I’m OP. As of the time of writing, I’m finishing up a masters degree in Ancient Greek, and the history of LGBT+ people is something I’ve studied quite a bit over the last five years. I can confidently tell you that the assumptions you’re making in your reply don’t work here.

The text I quoted, Lucian’s Dialogues of the Courtesans, starts with Leaina (latinised above as Leaena) telling her friend Klonarion (latinised as Clonarium) about an experience she had at a drinking party. The very first thing Klonarion asks is whether Megillos/Megilla, the person Leaina hooked up with, is a woman attracted to women:

Καινὰ περὶ σοῦ ἀκούομεν, ὦ Λέαινα, τὴν Λεσβίαν Μέγιλλαν τὴν πλουσίαν ἐρᾶν σου ὥσπερ ἄνδρα καὶ συνεῖναι ὑμᾶς οὐκ οἶδ᾿ ὅ τι ποιούσας μετ᾿ ἀλλήλων.
We’re hearing strange things about you, Leaina, about how the rich Lesbian Megilla loves you like a man, and you live together and who knows what you do with each other.*

The fact this person is from Lesbos isn’t coincidental at all. “Lesbian” was well-known shorthand, in the ancient world, for women attracted to women - just like it is today. In this fictional dialogue, Lucian is using it to imply that Megillos/Megilla could be a lesbian in the modern sense, thereby acknowledging that they exist. Leaina replies:

Ἀληθῆ, ὦ Κλωνάριον· αἰσχύνομαι δέ, ἀλλόκοτον γάρ τί ἐστι.
That is true, Klonarion; but I am ashamed, since it is somewhat strange.

Ἀλλόκοτος is a word meaning strange, unusual, or different. (Actually, I might almost be tempted to translate it as “queer”.) Leaina is pointing out here that Klonarion is on the right track, but there’s more to the story than that. A bit further along, the dialogue continues:

Λ. Ἡ γυνὴ δὲ δεινῶς ἀνδρική ἐστιν. Κ. Οὐ μανθάνω ὅ τι καὶ λέγεις, εἰ μή τις ἑταιρίστρια τυγχάνει οὖσα· τοιαύτας γὰρ ἐν Λέσβῳ λέγουσι γυναῖκας ἀρρενωπούς, ὑπ᾿ ἀνδρῶν μὲν οὐκ ἐθελούσας αὐτὸ πάσχειν, γυναιξὶ δὲ αὐτὰς πλησιαζούσας ὥσπερ ἄνδρας. Λ. Τοιοῦτόν τι.
L: The woman is terribly manly. K: I don’t understand what you’re saying, unless she is some sort of female courtisan. They say there are women like that in Lesbos, who look like men, who don’t want anything to do with men, but have sex with women as if they were men. L: It’s somewhat like that.

Again, Klonarion - just like modern “gender critical” people! - doesn’t understand how this person could be anything but a gender-non-conforming lesbian woman. Leaina replies that it’s almost that, but not quite. She then starts telling Klonarion what happened, and this is where the passage I quoted above comes in. The most important element is this: Megilla publicly presents as a woman, but privately identifies as a man and uses the name Megillos.

Let’s repeat that to be extra clear: Megillos is not a lesbian woman presenting as male for safety. They** are a person assigned female at birth, but who prefers to identify as male in the safety of their own home.

Leaina compares them to mythological figures in an attempt to understand better, asking if Megillos is a man disguised as a woman, like Akhilleus (whose mother hid him among the girls in the hopes that he wouldn’t be drafted to war). Megillos says no. Leaina asks if Megillos is a hermaphrodite; Megillos also says no. Lastly, Leaina mentions Tiresias, who was born female but was transformed by the Gods into a man, to which Megillos replies that they weren’t transformed in that way, but:

… ἐγεννήθην μὲν ὁμοία ταῖς ἄλλαις ὑμῖν, ἡ γνώμη δὲ καὶ ἡ ἐπιθυμία καὶ τἆλλα πάντα ἀνδρός ἐστί μοι.
I was born female like all of you, but I have the mind and the desires and everything else of a man.

This explanation has nothing to do with wanting the same rights as a man (especially since Megillos publicly presents as the female Megilla). It has nothing to do with gender-non-conforming presentation either. Megillos is very, very clearly expressing an inner sense of gender, which is male.

So let’s summarise:

  • Lucian, the author of this dialogue, is well aware of the existence of lesbian women, including gender-non-conforming lesbian women
  • however, he makes Leaina’s character point out that while this situation is similar, it isn’t about that
  • Megillos/Megilla publicly identifies as female and is publicly viewed as a lesbian woman, which renders impossible any interpretation that they present as male for safety or extra rights
  • privately, they explicitly state that their inner sense of gender is male despite being assigned female at birth
  • which is literally the definition of transgender: “having a gender (identity) which is different from the sex one was assigned at birth” (x)

This text is fictional; Megillos/Megilla never existed. However, Lucian’s dialogues reflect the everyday life and daily concerns of his era, and there’s no reason to believe that this text is an exception. In fact, if we look beyond him to the rest of the ancient world, we’d be quick to realise that people fitting the modern definitions of transgender and genderqueer - both AMAB and AFAB, and probably intersex too - are well-attested, from Inanna’s gala priests in the 2nd millennium BC to the Roman emperor Elagabalus in the 3rd century AD. It would be narrow-minded to attribute millennia of non-cisgender people to just misogyny and oppression.

Turns out that people have always been complicated, gender has always been complicated, and if you fail to recognise that, you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of being less accepting than Lucian, a man from the 2nd century AD.

*All translations are my own.

**As explained in the previous post, I’m using they/them pronouns because it’s unclear which grammatical gender Megillos/Megilla uses, despite clearly identifying as male.

“Under the new bill, Illinois libraries would be required to either issue a statement that they will prohibit banning controversial materials and books or show they follow the ALA Library Bill of Rights, which says “materials should not be proscribed or removed because of partisan or doctrinal disapproval.” 

The best part? If they don’t comply, the libraries will NOT be eligible for state grants. [...]

This is so incredibly important and necessary.

As a librarian myself I'm not the biggest fan of it being based on the Ala bill of rights because that thing has some history, but I get that that's a good authority and probably the most easily agreed upon, so it'll do. I'm willing to compromise if it means safety, security, and access of materials.

This matters so much to me. Our library is currently dealing with our board trying to remove the book Gender Queer from our shelves and this would give us the power to fight back.

While I don't like that all this is tied up in grants because I can see it being manipulated against a library in more conservative areas or it ending badly for some libraries (poor leadership should not be the reason a community loses a library, imagine having to fight to get your library back after it loses funding), ultimately it hands a lot of control back to the libraries/library leadership rather than the boards (more on how bad board control of a library can be here). Allowing for that 1 to 1 comparison of intellectual freedom=grants (money) is enough to get a lot of people off our backs. It also definitely motivates libraries to update their policies immediately.

Anyway feelings aside, I'm so happy this is in the works. I hope it passes. I'll do my part to support it as I'm currently living Illinois and working at an Illinois library and this very much directly effects me. (and even if it didn't I would start championing this elsewhere).

And just a reminder: YOUR VOTE AND HOW YOU VOTE MATTERS.

And vote especially in your local elections!

One of our local libraries is in desperate need of a new building. The current one is genuinely dangerous (mold, falling apart, old electrical, structural issues, etc). They managed to get a matching grant, raise a bunch of money, and then needed the town to vote for the final funding required.

And they lost that vote by 53 votes, which has completely scuttled the project for now. They're going to try again, but seriously, your elections--especially the local ones--matter so incredibly much. A few people can make a massive difference.

Please vote.

working in a library, i encounter a lot of people who are in the process of filling out important forms, sending important faxes, and copying important documents. and the more important these things are, the more stressful, meaning i end up assisting a lot of really stressed people with a lot of really stressful paperwork, and have thus developed the ultimate line to immediately validate and empathize with their situation

“they don’t make it easy, do they?”

i nearly always use this line at some point in the conversation & it works without fail, because there is ALWAYS a they and they are ALWAYS not making it easy. you don’t have to specify who “they” are. you don’t even need to have an approximate idea of their role in this process.

job application? disability paperwork? insurance documents? financial aid paperwork? in any situation, the person visibly relaxes & enthusiastically agrees, because someone understands their plight: they are out there & they are NOT making it easy

I have very strong opinions on this subject, and I'm curious how others feel.

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Hi, public librarian (lower case l, no degree) here, please don't.

We're already, in general, severely underfunded. Shocker, the capitalist hellscape we're stuck isn't great about allocating county budget to such a socialist outlet.

When you write in the margins, that's considered damage, and we just do not have the funding to replace every book we have to weed for damage.

Use sticky notes. Please. Write your margin notes on sticky notes in the book. You can even keep your place that way. But please please please don't write in the books, don't crack the spines, and don't dog ear them. That's just going to force us to weed them, and we can't always replace them.

Hi, capital L Librarian here, if you think your notes enhance other readers' experience of the book 1) you're wrong and 2) no one's going to get to read them anyway because you damaged the book and we had to throw it away.

Good job breaking it, hero.

Comic books are Jewish-American culture

And never forget that one of the reasons so many Jewish-Americans contributed to comics is because of the antisemitism in much of the creative sector in 20th century America. Many of these highly skilled and creative people ended up in comics because they couldn’t find work in more prestigious and lucrative fields.

also the same reason so many of them worked in the motion picture industry when it first began; working in film wasnt a respected line of work, so it kinda became a jewish culture, and when film unexpectedly caught on, upper-middle class white christians were quick to erase the jewish influence that the film industry had. also similar to the reason why so many jews in the past millennium worked in finance- in the 1100s it was considered sinful in the christian church to handle large amounts of money, so banking in western Europe was kind of the only profession in which Jews were guaranteed a secure income. because banking was a Jewish thing because it was sinful, when it became a respected profession, the upper-middle class and elites were quick to smear the Jewish involvement in banking as an evil conspiracy to control the world

nice addition thank u^👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼✡️

gonna add real quick that two Jewish men actually created Batman. Bill Finger was uncredited for years, but he is responsible for Batman’s look, backstory, personality,, setting etc. Bob Kane is responsible for the name and that’s pretty much it.

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“In fact, nearly all the great superheroes were created by Jews: Jerry Siegel and Joe (Joseph) Shuster created Superman, Joe Simon and Jack Kirby (Jacob Kurtzberg) created Captain America, Bob Kane (Robert Kahn) and Bill Finger invented Batman, while Kirby, together with Stan Lee (Stanley Martin Lieber) produced a particularly impressive line of heroes such as Spider-Man, The Hulk, the Fantastic Four, Iron Man, the X-Men, Thor and the Avengers. “ –Supermensches.

And more superheroes than those had at least one Jewish creator. For example…

Aquaman? Created by Paul Norris (not Jewish) and Mort Weisinger (the son of Austrian Jewish parents) in November 1941.

The original Batgirl (spelled Bat-Girl), Betty Kane?  Created by Bill Finger and Sheldon Moldoff in 1961.

Dick Grayson, a.k.a. the original Robin? Created by Bob Kane, Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson in 1940. And yes, Robinson was also Jewish.

Green Arrow? Co-created by artist George Papp (not Jewish) and writer Mort Weisinger.

Alan Scott, the original Green Lantern? Bill Finger and artist Martin Nodell (the son of Jewish immigrants).

Wolverine? Created by artist John Romita Sr. (who’s Italian) and writer Len Wein (who’s Jewish).

Jubilee of the X-Men? Created by artist Marc Silvestri and writer Chris Claremont.  Claremont is Jewish on his mother’s side.

Black Canary? Created by artist Carmine Infantino and writer Robert Kanigher (son of Romanian Jewish parents)  in 1947.

Sam Wilson, a.k.a the Falcon, and Captain America in some continuities? Stan Lee and Gene Colan (whose family name was originally “Cohen”).

T’Challa, the Black Panther? Created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.

It’s surprising how many superheroes have Jewish roots.

I’m surprised nobody has mentioned this already but a jewish man also invented what we now call graphic novels. His name is Will Eisner and the most prestigious comic book awards were named after him. He drew the Spirit comics as well as many graphic novels like A Contract with God, New York: The Big City and many many more. He also wrote and illustrated two books about making comics and sequential art. He was a fucking genius of visual narrative, character design and ripping your heart out with his stories.

I want to say that with trans folk now being at risk of the fucking death sentence in Florida....

The time for community is Now. The time to start planning and organizing how to get our rights back is NOW. bring it up at your local LGBT craft events or book club or support group or whatever. Tell your friends. Spread the word. And maybe see which ones will have the safety and resources you'll need should a Lavender Hunt happen in your area.

And on the scarier end of reality....

This is fucking terrifying. Lots of people are at risk. Personally, I'm terrified this rhetoric will spread much like Trumpism did. I'm scared for my gf and I'm fucking scared for myself because we know historically that it isn't just trans folk on HRT or drag performers that they go after.

And you have every right to do whatever you need to protect yourself.

I'm not going to shame folks who quit HRT, who take the rainbows out of their bio, the people who start saying partner instead of revealing a gender, or anyone else taking a few steps towards the safety that the closet provides. WE shouldn't.

I fucking love you. And we'll be okay as long as we're together, okay?

We keep us safe

For those wondering, on the ten stages of genocide, we are now here

Honestly, this shit with Hogwarts Legacy is just like what happened with Chick-fil-A like ten or fifteen years ago. Some of y'all might be too young to remember it, but it went almost exactly like this shit today, only the target was technically gay people (not like we aren't all lumped together when push comes to shove, but gay was the political scapegoat in US politics at the time, as trans people were still on the fringes of social awareness).

It came out that the people who own Chick-fil-A were donating to organizations in other countries that were actively working to get gay people there killed, and were also very monetarily invested in stripping gay people of any legal rights they'd amassed in the US. So a lot of queer folks were asking for allies to boycott Chick-fil-A to show solidarity.

And it turned into a giant fuckin circus for bigots to rally around. There was even a support Chick-fil-A day, I remember it because I was a server at the time and our restaurant was empty most the day - while the line for Chick-fil-A down the road was like a mile long consistently.

But while that was obviously annoying, that wasn't what hit people the hardest. Cuz we expect clowns to wear the shoes, right, it's not shocking.

What disappointed people, or really demoralized a lot of young queers at the time especially, was the allies who would still go there. Because they like the sandwiches or fries or whatever. The people who'd march with them in the parade or be supportive of marriage equality, who would then turn right around and give their money to people who were trying to actively harm their friends.

Because the chicken was good.

I remember a friend of mine being really just absolutely broken up over that, trying to understand some of her friends reasoning and at the time I couldn't give her an answer. I could now, though.

And it's this:

Talk is cheap.

It costs nothing to say things. A person can say whatever the hell they want, any feel good flowery thing, and it doesn't really cost them.

But when they are asked to actually give something up - or put their money where their mouth is and just....can't do it. Well then there isn't much else for them to say, is there? At least nothing that's worth anything.

Some people had to find out the hard way that the choice between a chicken sandwich and funding people who did not believe in their dignity as a human being was, in the eyes of certain allies, apparently really hard. Too hard, in fact.

These allies would march in the colorful parades and go to the bars for drinks, but in the end, you couldn't actually depend on them to inconvenience themselves. They were fair weather allies, and they were there for the party and that's about it . They wanted entertainment, and it didn't matter if that came from having fun gay friends or a tasty sandwich.

This is the same thing, really, or pretty close to it.

These types of people just wanna have fun. Either you, their friend or whatever, are fun or the game is fun, and if you stop being fun by incidentally making them feel a little guilty about where they spend their money , then they might just choose the thing that doesn't make them currently uncomfortable.

And I'm not saying these people who say trans rights online but who also really, really want to play wizard game and already have are horrible people or anything - they're just not very good. They have no real character. And unfortunately there's not much you can do to change that, other than investing time and energy in people who do.

it’s unsurprising but continuously disappointing how many people will pick something pleasant and fun over solidarity with you, then get defensive and unhappy when you make it clear to them that because they picked something besides you, they lost you.

‘are you really ending our friendship over--’ you ended it! that’s the price! you picked doing something i said would hurt me and people like me and you did it anyway and you liked it and i watched you do it right in front of me. how little do you think of me and what i deserve, that you expected me to forgive you?

if you chose what’s easy over what’s right, you lose the friends you have wronged. that’s how it works. that’s what the consequences of your choice are.