Salvation Army employee, ringing their bell: Any donations? me, avoiding eye contact: Sorry, I’m gay.

life but every time im gay it gets faster

you flirting: hey beautiful

me flirting:

date someone that you get excited to give the aux cord to

Don’t date anyone

honestly fuck yoshi

I hate when I show my grandma a funny video/pic she asks “who is that?”

I don’t fucking know grandma just laugh and give me my phone back

It is too goddamn early in the morning for me to fucking look at this

tumblr is having like a clickbait renaissance right now i’ve never seen clickbait this good in my life

born to be mild

*mediocre guitar solo*

Freud: Lmao isn’t it crazy how every guy deep down wants to have sex with his mother?

Other Psychologist: What?..I don’t think any of us-…

Freud: *writing furiously* TOTALLY CRAZY RIGHT?!

im so glad they removed the ‘nut’ from honey cheerios