screaming and crying !!! (sitting in my bed completely silent and staring stoically at the wall)
Cant you see... im not happy anymore.
I realized today that I have stopped living life. I’m literally just trying to get to the next day, just living in the thought of tomorrow. I‘m not living, I’m waiting. And the problem is, I don’t know what I’m exactly waiting for. I‘m kind of scared for what it might be.
how google defines bpd:
fear of abandonment, impulsivity, suicidal thoughts
what bpd ACTUALLY is:
fear of being abandoned so you push everyone away but then you start feeling unloved and lonely as fuck and you feel like you have no one and life has no purpose and you want to die and you impulsively start hurting yourself for being needy and nothing seems enough no amount of affection or reassurance pulls you out of that big hole you've sent yourself in and it makes you fucking anxious to reach out to people because you don't want to seem attention seeking so you just remain to yourself, hurt yourself whenever you need reassurance, push people away because "you know they're going to leave eventually" it's a cycle that's so fucking hard to get out of.
“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert
parasite--eved-deactivated20210
Are y'all lonely and needy or is it just me?
I know you’ve told me that I can talk to you if I’m not feeling well, but you know.. I don’t want you to get tired of me. Besides, saying “I’m alright” is way easier than explaining all my feelings which I don’t even understand myself.
i feel like i‘m both - too much and not enough - at the same time
I wish I could turn back time...
Bc this time... I really did fuck up, didn’t I?