You know that study that’s like “for years we thought bats must have great sonar because they never run into each other, then we got highspeed cameras and realized they actually crash into each other all the time” whenever I walk into a doorframe or a wall there’s a alien nature documentary guy in my head saying “we thought humans must have incredible balance due to their ability to be precise on 2 legs, but turns out they run into shit all the time”

#alien funny humans cam of a dude stubbing his toe rated ‘NOT CUTE’#‘although this human may look excited he is actually hopping up and down to keep weight off his injured foot.’#(alien zoologist chimes in to say toe injuries are the equivalent of getting a tentacle caught in a door and the human is fine)#(‘its a little alarming when they grab an injured body part and yell like that but actually it’s just a self-soothing behavior!’)#(‘this big guy will be fine in two klexkons. he just needs to be dramatic about it first! uwu’)#(*intense alien internet discourse ensues*) via hello-lo-lo-looo

Gentle reminder here that there are elder queers out there. Real elders, people in their 80s and 90s who survived, who are here. You can get there, old age does exist for us.

I know an old lesbian couple who have been married since the moment they legalized it. One woman can hardly walk anymore but she loves Hallmark ornaments, so her wife supports her against her walker during Christmas so she can look at them more easily.

I know a transgender man who started transitioning only 10 years ago at 60, and he's brilliant and funny and brings his grandchildren by to get sweets.

I know an asexual woman who, beamed and told me she absolutely loved not having a husband, and that she "never once regretted not getting married. I never felt that way about anybody! Why force it?" She lives with her parrot and loves salsa dancing.

Our elders exist. So many of us have been wiped out and erased on purpose, but we're here. And that means you can get there. When you're old and grey, when you're retired and done, there will be people who will love you and will care for you.

really and truly honored that my post about a simple little slurp one can have has made it this far

“I have two literature degrees and no words”

god, GOD Freddie Mercury was such a fucking badass

This doesn’t do the moment justice. He took the swig of vodka, said “I’ll fucking do it darling”, and then ABSOLUTELY NAILED IT in one fucking take

Mood for 2019: “I’ll fucking do it, darling.”

Reblog for Freddie Mercury level belief in yourself this new year! 

I’ll fucking do it, darling

ppl who hate wearing socks to bed what have U got to lose?? why deny urself warmth and comfort??

but me feets overheats

Visually pleasing “realistic” CGI

the opposite of the four horsemen of the apocalypse….the four knights of paradise 

Why did they do a vastly superior CGI lion literally 15 years ago asfdsalkj

Stuart Little came out in 1999

I dindt know that rat was gay good for him tho

IT’S HALLOWEEN TIME TO GET SPOOKY

I T S T H E M I D D L E O F J U N E

I T I S H A L L O W E E N T I M E T O G E T S P O O K Y

ok who the fuck got this on my dash it’s still june

get spooky

how does this appear every june

T I M E T O G E T S P O O K Y

it’s june

T I M E T O G E T S P O O K I N G Y’ A L L

LEE IT’S JUNE

GAY HALLOWEEN TIME

y’all know what fuckin month it is 😎

pls

The fact that they’re still tight about this after all these years is so funny to me like they must think about it every single day

Man it wasn’t even the copypasta. I saw folks eviscerating the guy for daring to write YA stuff. Teen love for teens. And how that made him a pedophile. Like that’s what’s being talked about here. Not the cock monologue. It was the endless hate and vitriol like I remember distinctly my dash being flooded with “he’s a grown man who writes stuff for kids. That’s super sus of him” and him literally being called a pedophile and other such smears. Like the cock nonsense was the absolute least of what happened. Don’t be a derisive dick. If you’re referencing that then obviously you were around to see all the toxic bullshit too and you should know all of this

But oh noooo! It was obviously the goofy taste of balls post that did it! Because tumblr is good and always correct /s

It is particularly cruel to me that John Green was harassed essentially off of the internet in the way that he was because the poor man has OCD and is very open about it.

The way he was treated is horrible and disgusting for anyone at all, but John Green has for years and years (along with his brother Hank) tried to make the world a measurably better place while living with a horrific mental illness. A mental illness that makes something like being called a pedophile over and over again horrific in ways that unless you have OCD, or are very very close to someone who does, you will never understand because OCD targets whatever you value and makes your world a living hell over it.

And you know what? He still writes his novels, and he is still out here doing absolutely everything he can to make the world a measurably better place. The cock monologue was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

–

Also if anyone did this to my brother I would never ever forgive anyone involved. Never. The fact that they are still engaging with the internet in the way they do, with vulnerability and kindness is remarkable.

The notes on this post are shit so just to be clear: if you’re following me and you think it’s funny to harass someone, or that it doesn’t count if the victim is above a certain age or if the harassment happens online, or that it’s worse to speak out against harassment than to harass someone, unfollow me because I don’t fucking want you to interact with me

On the positive side, here’s two replies that are actually decent:

“Harassing someone non-stop for months, including graphic sexual harassment and disturbing baseless accusations of child abuse, is funny as long as I think the victim is annoying!” -a lot of people, apparently

Biblical…..

golf sucks but mini golf is fucking awesome....truly one of life's great paradoxes

golf:

mini golf:

Golf: completely fucking silent practically on pain of death

Mini golf: dunking on ppl while theyre taking a shot is pretty much required

this is the funniest tweet to come out of this tbh

Thinking about how my mom tried to “seduce” my dad when they were in college together by sneaking oranges into his backpack, because she grew up food insecure and feeding someone/sharing food was a big deal with her upbringing with a lot of emotional meaning–

and meanwhile my poor dad is just convinced that he’s been haunted by some citrus poltergeist because why the fuck are there always oranges in his bag he swears he did not put there???

there’s a big difference between “food waste” as in “farmers destroy tons of food to avoid exceeding quotas” or “supermarkets throw away this much edible food because it doesn’t sell”

and “food waste” as in “it is not actually within the capacity of humans to perfectly predict and track household food consumption, so a certain amount of food per household inevitably goes bad and has to be thrown out every year”

the idea that food waste is the product of thoughtless consumers rather than corporate greed is really insidious

“now i know how to make you follow me everywhere.”

Here are some shitty enrol to vote memes to appeal to The Youth™ for your viewing pleasure/disgust (for real enrol to vote)

#he was gonna say do not leave me #i’m FINE *crying*

a sibling relationship is just “i love you beyond my own life but i’ll never say it” plus “i’ll kill you over a stolen shirt don’t even fucking test me” plus “inside jokes and secret language” plus “i literally do not understand the dark recesses of your mind what the fuck are you made from” plus the occasional “oh my god please don’t eat tha - spit it OUT SPIT IT OUT”