Roomate sent me this image of our fridge with the text "Agatha of Sicily"

Hold on let me Google something

Yeah this is funny

I want to clarify that those are in fact silicon breast molds and not slices of raw chicken.

the way he spilled...

when i say i’m masculine and feminine at the same time this is the kind of shit i mean:

I like how naked mole cats tuck their knees into their armpits. I think that’s just fabulous

Fuck did you just call a sphinx cat???

lil. lil nakey mole cat…

Gaud…..they’re Sphinx Cats and they’re born with no fur. They don’t even look close to a naked mole rat.

I see no difference?

That’s a hairless rat, not a naked mole rat

no difference

Keep going.

stop encouraging me

Here im going to help you:

no that’s a newborn sphinx cat, she’s so young her little kitty eyes haven’t even opened

im with gaud here i see no difference

some 70s hp kids incorrect quotes in honor of the characters that got me into this fandom in the first place-

(this is also kind of a mildly deranged everyone-gets-along-and-then-lives-past-the-war au)

peter: What makes you all smile? james: Friends. remus: Snacks. lily: Success. severus: Face muscles.

-

peter: Don't go to the kitchen. sirius: Why? peter: I saw a spider. sirius: Well, did you kill it? peter: It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...

-

severus: Dracula had it right. Sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

-

sirius: I have good news and bad news. minerva, sighing: Oh, Black. what’s the bad news? sirius: The kangaroo won’t get out of the tub. minerva: minerva: We don’t have a kangaroo, this is Hogwarts. sirius: Now onto the good news!

-

severus: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture. marauders: Awwww- severus: And I tell myself, "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything." marauders: 

-

james: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me :,) How did you even get here so fast? severus: Several traffic violations- remus: Three counts of resisting arrest- sirius: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks- severus: Also, that’s not our car.

-

sirius: The clock is ticking! We have awfully little time for this asinine tomfoolery! severus: This unmitigated poppycock! lily: This extravagant hogwash! james: Okay stop-

- lily: She was poetry, but he couldn't read- severus: His name was Jared, he's 19- sirius: When his parents built a very strange machine- peter, singing: Watch that scene, digging the dancing queen- james, singing: Eyyyyyyyy, Macarena! flitwick, leading choir practice:

-

severus: Why isn’t the statue smiling at me? james: It isn’t smiling at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. remus: Three of us saw it, james. How do you explain that? james: (points at remus) Sleep deprivation. (points at peter) Paranoia. (points at sirius) A simple case of the excessive consumption of alcohol.

-

lily: So if our plan goes poorly, where should we meet up? remus: The afterlife, I guess?

-

severus: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, James Fleabag Potter, are a fucking cactus.

-

sirius: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went... OK. peter: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG. sirius: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO. peter: NaBrO. remus: I'm done with all of you.

-

sirius: You're a lying piece of shit! remus: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! james: I'm leaving and I'm taking Sirius with me! lily, gathering toy cash: -Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

-

sirius: We’re getting married, bitches! remus: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

-

sirius: So, Lily is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night. severus : Why? sirius: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row. lily, scowling: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your arse next time you get into a headlock with Marlene.

-

peter: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins? severus: Can't relate. james: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

-

marlene: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them? severus, watching james screaming, lily trying to set a sleeping sirius on fire, remus making the leaning tower of Pisa from chocolate frogs in the common room, and peter choking on air: I don't know honestly.

-

lily: Can we talk about the school-wide letter you just sent out? james: It's a critical update. lily: This just says, "I'm back on my bullshit" james: People need to know

-

sirius: I never make the same mistake twice. lily: That is true. sirius: See? lily: He makes it four or five times just to be sure. sirius: Exact- WAIT NO-

-

lily: Severus took the wheels off of my heels and I feel like Lucifer being stripped off his wings lily: I have to walk down hallways like a common wench now and I am LIVID

the wonderful women of hp as incorrect quotes

hermione: ...I'm pretty sure that place is fire-proof, or something. ginny, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion-proof?

-

young minerva, pre-animagus: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry way, more like a “I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences” kinda way.

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Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut? lily: Preferably with scissors, but a sword would be awesome.

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bellatrix: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? narcissa: Make lemonade- bellatrix: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit. narcissa:

-

albus: Am I right, minerva? minerva: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I don't bother listening to you anymore.

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cho: War is ...heck.

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madam pomfrey: *pulls out a rifle* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

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bellatrix: If you don't stop this nonsense, I'm going to jump out of that window. andromeda: ...We're on the ground floor. bellatrix: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

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hermione: I’m not being weird. Am I being weird? luna: Yes, and that’s coming from me.

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tonks: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.

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madam pomfrey: Why Minerva, are you talking to yourself? minerva: Yes minerva: It’s the only way to have an intelligent conversation in this damn castle.

-

andromeda: .. .----. -- / … --- .-. .-. -.-- (translation: I'M SORRY) narcissa: What's that? andromeda: Remorse code. narcissa: I'm even angrier now.

-

hermione: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit. hermione: Fruits that do live up to their names? hermione: Orange.

-

cho: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW!

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alice, skipping rocks on a lake with lily: It’s such a beautiful evening. lily: (under her breath) Take that you fucking lake.

-

walburga, on sirius: My expectations were low but shiiiiiiiiiiiittttt.

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alice: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

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ginny: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." How are elephants more advanced than us? hermione: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."

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minerva: Don’t weep for the stupid. You’ll be crying all day.

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luna: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake? cho: Aww- luna: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

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bellatrix: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.

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ginny: You’re charged with…..breaking into a pet store? luna: I thought the animals might be lonely.

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molly, waking up her kids, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!

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minerva: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

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lavender: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.

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narcissa: I'm going to ask you to be respectful. andromeda: And I will respectfully decline.

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cho: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. cho: That's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

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lily, furious: What do you mean we have homework tonight? I have books to read.

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mad-eye: Can we talk about that letter you sent to the group? tonks: Why? It was important. mad-eye: All it says is, "I'm back on my bullshit". tonks, shrugging: The people need to know.

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andromeda: If I can't cause near ruin and disgrace for my family everyday just by existing, I think I'll collapse from the shame.

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luna: I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck? No one ever asked me if I want to be a duck.

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lily: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test! alice: Ok, , I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918? lily: 1917. alice: ...You're ready.

-

ginny, to draco: If you can ever manage to get over yourself, I would highly recommend being me.

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madam pomfrey: Why are we so awesome? minerva: That's the best goddamn question anyone's ever asked.

so i went to the zoo yesterday and saw the cutest family of otters ever

and then i checked their names

they’re all NAmED aftER fOOD

EXCEPT kEVIN

WHY

WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS

i was curious (and kinda hoped that kevin was like, the manager of the whole foods) so i googled it and: 

RUTABAGA. THE POLL ONE IS RUTABAGA NOT KEVIN.

environmental storytelling

the cumbrian cunt council will decide your fate

i have a pic i’ve been meaning to post a while but you’re not gonna like it. i don’t even like it

The caption was somehow more upsetting than the image

I'm looking back at random things I was taught as a kid by various adults and media and. did nobody bother to factcheck anything? was that just not an option or

Could you please name one?

swallowed chewing gum takes years to digest, blue veins are blue bc deoxygenated blood is blue, fossil fuels are made from dinosaurs, feeding bread to birds is fine, mice like cheese, carrots are good for your eyes, cleopatra was a sultry seductress, bulls can see the color red, corsets were uncomfortable and caused deformities, glass is a slow-moving liquid which is why old window panes are uneven at the bottom, tomato juice gets rid of skunk smells, young einstein failed math class, eating before swimming increases your risk of cramps and drowning, cracking your knuckles causes arthritis, iron maidens were used as torture devices, the earth's core is molten rock, and basically anything at all whatsoever to do with the myth of thanksgiving

they said name ONE-

bats are blind, diamonds are made of coal, the dark side of the moon is dark, the sun is yellow, lightning doesn't strike twice, columbus landed in the u.s., medieval europeans believed the world was flat, piranhas eat human flesh, goldfish have no long-term memory, porcupines can shoot their quills, people often swallow spiders in their sleep, wolves howl at the moon, humans only have 5 senses, sore muscles are caused by a buildup in lactic acid, and rust causes tetanus!

actually imma just leave this here

Slave Knight Gael as the very final, climatic fight of Dark Souls as a franchise is definitely one of the most masterful strokes the franchise ever pulled.

To fight Gael, the Dark Soul of Humanity, at the very end of time itself, one on one, as the last two things left standing in a hostile, uncaring world that’s shutting down, its eroding carcass naught but a final arena for the two of you, is an incredibly fitting conclusion to everything in Dark Souls: It’s two nobodies in the middle of nowhere fighting over everything, however little that is.

In stark contrast with the Soul of Cinder, the godlike essence of everyone that has ever linked the First Flame, including your previous characters in Dark Souls 1 and 2 if you chose to link the Flame, all the way back to Gwyn, Slave Knight Gael is another undead not similar to you, no, he’s almost exactly like you, and the previous playable characters.

Slave Knights were canon fodder sent out for the grimmest missions and battles, intended as canon fodder and little else. Does that not sound familiar? “Slave Knight”, as a title, is basically just like “Chosen Undead” (with the context that ‘chosen’ here is but a lie), “Bearer of the Curse” and “Unkindled” (the formal title for the Ashen One): Just another nobody among many, upon which nobody puts any expectation. And just like the other three, Gael, specifically, is exceptional in that he never once gave up, and he carried on, and on, and on. 

Gael is the protagonist of a Dark Souls ‘game’ that we can’t play. And he’s old: He is the sole wielder of the Way of White Corona, a miracle that makes mention of the Way of White, a group so old, so long defunct and long forgotten that only someone from the era of the first Dark Souls could know of it, thousands if not tens of thousands of years prior to Dark Souls 3. Gael’s adventure has been an extremely long one, where at some point he met his very own Firekeeper/Emerald Herald equivalent: The Painter.

At the conclusion of this long journey, he finally reaches his objective: The Pygmy Kings of the Ringed City. And yet, at the very end, after all of that, countless lifetimes of toiling and laboring, he learns that their blood has dried out, meaning the Blood of the Dark Soul now cannot be used by the Painter. Gael goes insane from the revelation, that his torturously long quest has been for naught, as many things tend to be in the setting of Dark Souls, and starts devouring the Pygmy Kings, gorging himself on their Dark Soul, and attacks you on sight, ravenously hungry for more of the Dark Soul of Humanity.

And so the Slave Knight and the Unkindled fight, and the Unkindled’s attacks find purchase on the Knight, making him bleed, and here, here, is another stroke of incredible consistency and genius: Gael sees the black blood dripping from his wound, and calmly realizes that his quest has been a roaring success. The Blood of the Dark Soul, the pigment that the Painter needs, still exists: It’s in him now. He knows he can’t make it, he’s too far gone, possessed of so much Dark Soul that his individuality is on borrowed time, but this doesn’t trouble him, because in front of him is his ally, the Unkindled, who can promptly take the blood back to the Painter. He’s won. Gael won.

And just like Anri did after they defeated Aldrich, and like many, many other NPCs in all of the games did after accomplishing their ultimate goal… Gael hollows out. It is the pursuit of an objective, the determination and sheer dogged stubbornness to accomplish something, to focus and work towards something greater than oneself, that keeps cursed undead from hollowing. By winning, Gael finally let go, and hollowed out on the spot. We can affirm this is the case because the Hollowslayer Greatsword doesn’t receive its bonus damage against Hollows when used on Gael’s first phase, but it does deal bonus damage against Gael’s second and third phase.

And so, the very last fight in the game, the franchise, is initially against another one just like us, not another god or being of extreme power and mind-boggling gravitas, no, it’s something greater: It’s someone just like us, that killed countless other gods and beings of extreme power, just like we did. And when he hollows out, we effectively are not fighting Gael anymore, phase 2 and 3 might say “Slave Knight Gael” on the health bar, but the fight is ultimately against the Dark Soul of Humanity itself, finally taking the center stage, using Gael’s body. It’s you versus Humanity.

It is no coincidence that Gael’s weapon, a broken, rusted, jagged greatsword that has seen so much use and abuse throughout thousands of years, resembles the very first weapon every character in Dark Souls starts with: The humble Broken Straight Sword.

At the end of time itself, as the world crumbles and festers around you, as countless gods and pretenders lie dead by your feet, the only one that could possibly stand up to you is another one like you. Both of you, at the peak of your power, have one final, quiet showdown at the end of the world, with everything on the line, however little and insignificant ‘everything’ is now.

And if that isn’t the single most poetic and beautiful end to close Dark Souls, I sincerely don’t know what is.

Thinking about how the slayer of demons,the chosen undead,the bearer of the curse, the good hunter and the ashen one feel throughout the entirety of thier respective games.

Are they so removed from being human that thier feelings are simply mute,or do they feel sorrow , sadness,fear ,anger for everything and everyone they meet,did they care?did they love?or were they an empty vessel, a hollow creature driven by a purpose someone bestowed upon them, obsessed by it because otherwise they have no purpose.

They have no meaning.

Did they have others in mind,or was thier mind swallowed by a deep fog,a dark abyss,a curse,an everlasting flame that burns until only ash is left,and the instinct of a beast born of blood.

Did anyone care about them?did anyone remember them?was there anyone else to remember,were there those they wished they could love freely?in a world not dying?

I need a glass of water.

Dark Souls 3, for all of its faults of story getting cut, aspects not being elaborated on, and just a general sense of a messy development, has one of my favorite endings to a video game series. And overall it brings the culmination of the themes of the games into a beautiful yet sad message of the entropic nature of the world you play in.

Starting at 1 you are embroiled in a story of Gods and Dragons. We learn of Humans and how Gwyn was afraid of them, due to the Dark Soul they all inherently possessed , causing him to Link the Flame and serve as kindling for it. And then we are stuck in a quest of having to kill them in order to either continue a cycle started by the God of the Sun or become a Dark Lord and herald a new age.

2 is different in many ways, as it is a story that is both disconnected from 1 yet you feel the effects of its story all over as the Undead Curse is prevalent throughout the game, and you realize as you progress that there is no way for you to escape the Curse, with the only person who did that in some form becoming so detached from the World in the most literal way possible that he can’t even exist anymore. Along with that we learn of Gwyn’s “Sin”, from Aldia who dedicated himself more than anyone to the research of the World and we start to think more about the ramifications of Gwyn’s actions. And in the end the only choice you have is to either become someone who will link the flame again(not even doing it) or just leaving, choosing something else, with no idea what will happen.

And finally we have 3. This is the point where we start to realize why what Gwyn did was a “Sin.” Gwyn damned the world the second he decided to start the cycle. The world was not meant to be in a single state for so long, and while it usually would have just gone to another Age, the existence of the Flame at all made it so that as long as a single person made it there, the Age of Fire would just return. There would never be another age except the Age of Dark and the Age of Fire. And the Ringed City DLC portrayed the result of this perfectly. You discover the Pygmies after 3 games of knowing nothing about them but they don’t matter. You find the original Firelink and kill the last Demons but it doesn’t matter. You discover Gywn had another daughter, but that doesn’t matter. Because the illusion that any of it will ever mean anything to anyone is gone the second you step out of the door after meeting Filianore. There is no world, there is no more hope, there is nothing. You have reached the end of the world, seeing the ruins of Lothric and Anor Londo in the distance, and you realize that everything meant nothing.

And in the end, you find someone like you. An undead who was a slave to a cause they had no choice in. And 2 nobodies drawn together at the end of the world fight for something that no longer has any meaning to anyone, and will never have an impact on this world because you know for a fact that the world you spent 3 games loving will never have a happy ending. Siegward, Solaire, The Emerald Maiden, The Chosen Undead, The Bearer of The Curse, and The Ashen One, and Oscar. All of their efforts meant nothing because the world was damned the second Gwyn linked the flame.

And the only thing you can do is give the dregs of that which Gwyn feared the most to a little girl who paints a new world, all for the hope that one day that new world will be able to live free of the Curse you all bore, because after all, isn’t that all a Curse-bearer wants? Freedom?

(Also sorry if this was a bit weird of me to post I just NEEDED to say this at least once because of how much I love the series yet NOBODY talks about this from what I’ve seen, like the fact that the entire world was doomed by actions we never could have stopped is just so HARD HITTING)

slipknot sounds like werewolf lube 

stop reblogging this

I need more clues

big dog owners are like this is my dog Stink he weighs 110 pounds and if you don’t let him sit in your lap he will cry and kill himself forever

Just ate an entire pear that was so good and so juicy i started gnawing on it with both hands like an animal and the face my supervisor made when he passed by my desk while I was absolutely consumed by my pear fueled bacchanal was Something i have never seen someone look so tired and also so upset and also also so envious

Had another pear today it was even JUICIER than the pear I had yesterday and had to eat over my trashcan so I didn't get juice all over myself and while I was hunched over lost in the sauce I heard the deepest sigh and when I looked up my supervisor was standing over me like

Called out in the company group chat

OP, please take the fanciest silverware and tiniest plate you can find to eat your next pear

if i got jigsawed and woke up in some moldy room with a makeshift bear trap on my head or whatever i wouldn't even let it phase me. i'm not willing to be taught lessons i'm not paying attention to a puppet. i would close my eyes and visualize abstract forms in jewel tones until a machine tears me asunder. now we've both wasted our time and you won't be able to return anything in this room to ace hardware. what did YOU learn, old man