fuck your entire life

restaurant with a lobster tank and a warning sign that reads DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THEIR EYES and when the waiter comes and asks you which lobster you want you notice one looking right at you and you blink and suddenly youre looking at yourself from inside of the tank and see yourself stand up and start snapping your hands like claws

This is the best CAPTCHA comic.

1910s guy who calls including left-handed characters in stories forced diversity

lol; learn about the 1910’s or quit being a pussy and say what you mean

Italians, Poles, Germans, and Irishmen.

Have you never heard of discrimination based on left-handedness before? Forcing lefties to write with their right hand was a thing still going on in living memory.

good lmao; we write left-to right, with old ink pens writing with the left hand would smudge the paper quite often.

this is partially why Davinci wrote in his mirrored style as far as I know.

guy who reinvents left-handed discrimination

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

*guy who's always itching to check out the manuscripts* maybe the answer we seek is in the manuscripts? the ancients of old had wisdom far beyond ours in their manuscripts!

Don’t wake the sleeping baby

(via)

Will you treat him gently with his bread soft carapace...? (...)

THIS ONES FOR AMELIA

ok so i watch a lot of youtube videos about chess despite barely knowing how to play and something really funny happened on chess.com which is the site people go to to play chess online

basically they have a bunch of chess bots you can choose to play against at various different power levels (~100 is total noob, ~2500 is like, mega grandmaster). and recently they released a bunch of…cat themed bots?

but the noteworthy one is the cosmic horror known as Mittens.

Mittens has a listed power level of 1. However, that is a deception. Mittens is actually incredibly powerful, defeating top players with ease, and actually holding his own against the most powerful chess bots in existence.

also he sends you these weird messages like

absolutely wild

chess youtube is full of these videos now lol

FINALLY someone is talking about this! It should also be noted that Mittens is characterized by an extremely chaotic, extremely aggressive play style that nonetheless exploits a player’s psychology ruthlessly. Mittens is known for forcing you into absolutely sadistic positions that you only realize you’re trapped in after being confused by her (yes, she’s a her) utterly batshit three prior moves. She likes to open with the Sicilian and she’s an absolute beast.

i cant explain how much this brings me extreme joy??? The cats just on their own are amazing but to make the AI with a fake power level listed… i want to be in the meeting room when they were developing mittens

ummm hi do u remember me? we were two bacterias in the acidic springs of ethiopia and we were friends

My favorite tiktok account right now is the guy who uses color settings and photo manipulation to turn everything into the Polish flag

One of my favourite post formats is when someone with a similar URL to op torments them like they are failed clones of each other and it completely changes the tone of the original post.

So. I think we have some things in common

New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep

Worse sleep. That was meant to say worse sleep

I Am So Fucking Tired

Literally immediately after reblogging this to correct it I went "wow, it has a reblog already?" And got all the way to checking my notifs before I realized. That it was me.

I actually wasn't that far off you guys

HOLY SHIT THE POST IS SAVED

Anyway horse sleep: sleep, but horse. Worse. Sleep but worse. Definitely one of the two.

We shall have a summer wedding

A real 3-hit combo of tumblr posts rn

whys this a bulk reblog

Crabs deserve voting rights too I think

how will they tap the screen with claws

You're so ignorant it's not even funny

whose ignorant now you stupid dead bitch