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High Quality but Morally Dubious

@iamthedukeofurl

Some know me as MGM (Because I am M and I GM), others as Bloddyredcommie(For reasons), others as BRC (because the GiantITP forums couldn't handle the full awesomeness of Bloddyredcommie).

Do not attempt to out-malicious-compliance the staff at the malicious compliance conference.

Some dipshit decided to pay the conference fee ($250) in quarters. He handed us a wrapped plastic bag full of loose change. "It's all there," he said with a shit-eating grin, "you can count it."

Oh buddy. We're going to count it. What were you expecting?

At about the time I got to $60, he offered to give us $300 collateral so he could get his badge and go to the conference.

No, bud. You get to watch the most dyscalculic staffer count to a thousand while all your friends go in to the breakfast and find seats for the first talk.

"Ruining someone's day" is the favorite hobby of everyone here. Why would you hand us the perfect opportunity to wreck your shit and think that was an own? Half the con is calling him "Untraceable," the other half is calling him "Quarter Boy" and nobody cares what he says his handle is.

I spent an hour counting that and made him go fetch me baggies to hold it every fifty dollars.

This ended up being a good bonus prank for me too, because when the counting was done I wrapped the bags in gaffer's tape and spent the rest of the day handing it to people very casually while saying "oh here, hold this for a sec" and then watching they weren't ready for the weight (I only did this to people I know well enough to know this wouldn't hurt them).

It's an infosec conference, so it's a weekend in a hotel full of people whose favorite thing is breaking the law and whose second favorite thing is following the letter of the law while cheerfully violating the spirit.

Thank you, that means a lot coming from you, @unyanizedcatboys

if i tell yall what i did on the tram today yall would call it a fake tumblr story i think

oh?

so it helps to know that my mindset at the time was influenced by having been transphobically sealioned at a temping agency earlier, as well as spontaneously turning up to a different temping agency without an appointment & actually landing with them after THOSE guys turned out to be cool.

I was on the tram (crowded tram) (just after 11 AM) on my way home full of adrenaline still, and saw my dad eating a banana on the platform. I could get out of the tram to say hi, but then i'd miss the tram, or worse, hold it up. What i COULD do, however, is sprint out of the tram as soon as the door opens, take a bite from the banana my dad is holding, and SPRINT back into the tram before the doors close. So That Is What I Did.

unfortunately now roughly half of the passengers of the tram were looking at me like I was suddenly some sort of feral spirit of hunger or perhaps a strange insect of some sort.* Fortunately, the truth was also the ONE sequence of words that could make what they had just witnessed okay. I went "das ist mein papa!!!" which is german for "thats my dad!!!!!"

My dad seemed genuinely delighted by this btw. the look on his face was fucking PRICELESS

i would like to beat the little german boy accusations based on my behavior before they arise. i am in fact a tall german trans girl.

however in everything except body i AM calvin from calvin & hobbes

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Forever thinking about how, on election day in 2016, I wore a shirt with an American flag on it because it was what was clean. And the 20-ish year old bagging my groceries made a snide remark about it, followed by 'I didn't vote, they're all the same anyways.' And a fellow grocery worker chimed in agreement that he wasn't voting for the same reason.

And now I can't go to a local drag event without having to walk through a gauntlet of nazis.

I realize that the election is a year and a half away, but please don't fall for the 'they're the same' rhetoric this time around. Both candidates will suck, but they'll suck in different ways and one of them wants my community dead.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.

I read the Moist books before I ever read the watch books but going back and rereading Going Postal after the watch books is SO funny because Vimes is barely in it at all but you know he is absolutely losing his mind in the background. Like he’s dealing with the murder of John Dearheart (and other clacksmen) that they can’t pin on Gilt yet, the past five guys that tried to be postmaster all died mysteriously in the span of like two months, and then this guy comes out of fucking nowhere and fixes all that shit in like a week, during which the post office burns in what was CLEARLY another murder attempt but this new guy won’t admit that to the watch. Vimes must have been seething this whole time

It’s even funnier if you assume that he knows that Moist was Albert Spangler because he’d be even more furious

Whenever I talk about how fandom can be used to radicalize people and people call that trivializing, I just have to think, how quickly we forgot Gamergate

GamerGate is literally what brought Breitbart News out of obscurity and made it the face of the modern alt-right. It’s a large part of why the 2016 election went how it did.

Sure was!

This shit made national news. It got addressed on Law & Order. It drove people out of their homes. It is not hyperbolic to say that it was a factor in turning fascism from something we ALL knew was evil into a "legitimate" political stance according to the American Overton window.

The link in the reblog above leads to a great video breaking down all of what was involved, but the tl;dr is: this was a far-right hate movement composed entirely of people who were radicalized in fan space. These were men who, going in, mostly had the popular level of a lot of biases, but were radicalized into a full-on fascist fervor by the fear that their leisure space, their hobbies, would be stolen or changed.

In my honest opinion, Gamergate should be remembered as a case study in how hobby drama can easily become a lot bigger than hobby drama if enough of the motivation behind it is based in real-world bigotry.

Part of the downfall of Gamergate was outsiders calling out the venue that started it for the petty bullshit it was, but that's something of a double-edged sword - now we barely remember that the impact was not petty bullshit at all. Those random-ass Just Some Dudes who got radicalized into fascism? Most of them are still fash; their regrets about their GG involvement mostly boil down to "I can't believe I wasted so much energy on how this hurts GAMING". The rise of Breitbart? Gave us the political hellscape we're currently still trapped in. Some of the people who they attacked only became stronger due to the backlash, but others - the less visible, smaller targets, largely POC - actually had their livelihoods ruined, and even the better protected targets who ended up better off on paper went through a LOT of shit that no person should ever have to go through.

So when I see people in fan space using queerphobic, racist, ableist rhetoric to defend their stake in fan wars, when I notice people hearing "hey maybe don't harass random queer strangers online over fandom bullshit, especially not at the behest of OTHER strangers whose motivations you do not know" as "YIPPEE I LOVE SEXUAL ABUSE" and slinging accusations straight up using the EXACT language of right-wingers proposing queerphobic legislation, or defending """""ironic""""" racist hate symbols in fanart in the name of "freedom of expression" EXACTLY like any alt-righter, no, that's not just "petty fan drama" anymore.

Just because you're gay, or trans, or disabled, or you self-identify as "a progressive" or "a leftist" does not make you immune to hate radicalization.

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oh! Also I should take this opportunity to air my crack theory about Night Watch, to wit: Ned Coates is a time-traveling grown-up Young Sam.

My evidence: 

Ned is the only other Watchman who is new to the squad, and new to Ankh-Morpork.

He is supposedly the only person who knew the real John Keel, but he never calls Sam out for it. If there ever was a real Ned Coates, and he really knew John Keel, we only have Ned’s word for it.

When he and Sam spar, he fights just as dirty as Sam does, and claims John Keel taught him the tricks Sam uses himself. 

He’s protective of Vimesy, moreso than other Watchmen though he’s known them all for the same length of time.

He is clearly up to SOMETHING; Sam thinks he’s one of the real revolutionaries plotting to overthrow Winder, but none of the other revolutionaries interact with him or seem to know him that I can recall.

When Sam admits he’s a time traveler, he’s unfazed; his question “From how far back?” would make perfect sense as “from how far back in my timeline, where you are my dad?

He supposedly dies in the last fight, but Sam doesn’t see it, and Sam supposedly died in that fight too.

Lu-Tze is 100% good enough to have two time-travelers operating at the same time without breaking the timeline; he does, however, worry about the unusual strain he’s creating.

So, let’s say an adult Young Sam has a time-travel accident. Possibly after some sort of major falling-out with his dad, one that’s got him still pissed off at him. And now he’s stuck in a vastly more shitty version of the city he grew up in, and the versions of his dad he has met so far are a) a dumb kid and b) kind of a dick. He is not having a great time. He really, really wants to go home, but first he has a revolution to see through.

Viewed that way, Ned Coates makes a lot of sense.

For this year’s Glorious Twenty-Fifth of May, I give you:

It is almost five centuries ago, and the girl who will one day be a swordswoman is lying in the red-tinged mud. She can't get up—broken bone? severed tendon? She can't tell. She's yet to cultivate her palate for pain. Her enemy towers over her, a cataphract mailed in screaming steel and poisoned light. His warhammer falls, and it is death, forever death, death unconquered and unconquerable.

"No," says a part of her. She is not even seventeen years old. Her body is mangled and broken, wound piled upon wound piled upon wound. A dull kitchen knife is her only weapon, though she lost that in the mud the second her grip faltered. Her enemy is no thing of this earth. And yet—

"No. It is not death, forever death, death unconquered and unconquerable. It is only a hammer, falling. It is only 'an attack.'"

And the girl understood.

~~~

It is the better part of three centuries ago, as best the swordswoman can reckon, and she is beset on all sides by foes. They are not monsters—just mountain bandits, or highland rebels, as one cares to see it. But they outnumber her by dozens, and even an exceptional swordswoman might struggle against but two opponents of lesser skill.

From in front of her, beside her, behind her they advance, striking from every angle with spears and blades and axes. Others fill the air with arrows, sling stones, firepots. It would be effortless, to parry any single blow. It would be impossible, physically impossible, to defend against them all.

"No," says a part of her.

"You are not outnumbered. You do not face 'multiple' foes. It would be impossible to defend against every attack — but there is no 'every' attack. Only one."

"Oh," the swordswoman said. And it was, in fact, effortless.

~~~

It is eighty years ago, or thereabouts. A coiling spire of stony flesh and verdigrised copper throbs like a tumor on the horizon, coaxed from the earth by spell and sacrifice. It is the tower of a sorcerer-prince, and a birthing place of abominations.

Seven locks of rune-etched metal are opened with her single key. Wretched shapeling beasts, grown by sorcery in vitreous nodules, flee wailing from her, absconding before she even draws her blade. Demons sworn to thousand-year pacts of service find the binding provisions of their agreements unexpectedly severed.

These things dissatisfy the sorcerer-prince. He waxes wroth. He makes signs of power and chants incantations. With a flask of godling's blood, he draws the binding sigil inscribed upon the moon's dark face. With cold fire burning in his eyes, he speaks the secret name of Death. It is a king among curses, all-corrupting, all-consuming, and it falls from his lips upon the swordswoman.

"No," she says, and she turns it aside with her blade.

The sorcerer-prince's brow furrows. How did she even do that?

"Parried it."

But—

"With my sword."

No—

"See, like this."

Stop—

"Well," the swordswoman finally says, "I figured that if I just...looked at it right, and thought about it, and construed your curse as a kind of attack...then I could block it."

That's not how it works at all!

"If you insist," says the swordswoman, shrugging, and decapitates him.

~~~

It is now. It is the end. Death couldn't take the swordswoman, not when she'd spent all her life cutting it up. At times, Death might sidle up to one of her friends, or peer down into a grandchild's crib, and she'd just give it a look. That's all it took, by then.

Heartache couldn't take her, either. Bad things happened to her, and they hurt, and she lived in that hurt, but if it was ever more than she could take...she'd just, move her sword in a way that's difficult to describe. And she'd keep going.

Kingdoms fell, and she kept going. Continents crumbled and sank into the sea. Her planet's star faded and froze. She started carrying a lantern. Universes were torn apart and scattered, until all that had been matter was redistributed in thermodynamic equilibrium. With one exception.

But now it is the end. There is no time left; time is already dead. The swordswoman has outlived reality, but there is simply no further she can go. This is not a thing that can be blocked. This is the absence of anything further to block.

"No," says the girl who will one day be a swordswoman. "This isn't the ending. And even if it was, it's not the ending that matters."

The swordswoman looks back at who she was, at the countless selves she's been between them. She looks forward, at the rapidly contracting point that remains of the future. She grasps the all of linear time in her mind, and sees that it is shaped like a spear.

btw it's fantasy, you really don't need to worry about your world map making "sense" geologically or whatever. make that river flow backwards from the sea into the mountain.

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Wait are you saying I don't have to take plate tectonics ocean currents and mineral deposition into account when I make this map? But how will I know where the mountains with gold mines are, or what shores would have the best fishing spots? If I don't map out this entire world in intricate detail, how will I know if this kingdom falls on a major trade route or is sidelined to the periphery of the classical empires?

TOLKIEN SPOTTED!!! C.S., OBLITERATE!!!!!!