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Monkey Butter

@iammonkeybutter / iammonkeybutter.tumblr.com

Middle aged Pan cis woman with a transwoman fiancee who don't need your flak
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You need a story, don’t you?

The smirk on Shuri’s face was never a good thing. The cup in her hand had lines of chocolate criss-crossing whip cream on the top.  “That is not coffee.”
“No brother, this is Starbucks.  Okoye made me promise I’d make you try it while we’re in America.”
T’Challa narrowed his eyes. “I do not trust it when the two of you conspire against me.”
“Only because we have the vision you lack.” Shuri held out the cup until he finally took it.
Two sips into it, he could finally pause.  “This is not coffee.”
“No, Brother, this is a frappachino.” Her smirk blossomed into a real smile, even as she bounced on her toes. “What do you think?”
T’Challa took another sip, mostly to hide his smile from her.  “It’s very sweet.  It’s more of a dessert than coffee.”
“And that’s the point!  Sometimes you just need a shot of sweet with your coffee, not a five hour ceremony.”  Shuri rolled her eyes, stepping back with exaggerated frustration.
“I think if I allowed Starbucks into Wakanda, I would quickly have a problem with overly caffinated people in my life.”
Shuri paused, her smile dropping into a frown.  With a quickness born of the Panther, she had swiped the cup from his hands and turned to stalk away.  
Only then did he allow the smile to spread across his face. “I also think that Wakanda suffers from too much of a monopoly in their coffee markets.”
Shuri turned to glare at him, then pointedly took a long sip from the cup.  “I am going to have Okoye kick your ass for this!”
“Tsh Shuri, such language!”  
Behind the royal siblings back, Ayo shared a moment to roll her eyes at her partner Milaje, then took off after the fleeing pair.

-~-

Like that?  That’s just a sample of my quick snippet story writing.  If you like it, well guess what? I’m opening up for commissions!

What I’m offering:  I can do short 300-500 word drabbles like this, larger flash fiction of 1000 words, and up to a short story of 5000 words, there-abouts.  I’m willing to work in most fandoms, but I may ask for a quick overview of the character before I run to teh googles. My main fandoms are a lot of the mainstream ones. On AO3, I’m mostly known for a Leverage/MCU fic I did last year.  I’ll link it below.  Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, Jurassic Park, Wonder Woman, Star Wars and yes, Star Trek both, an eclectic baker’s dozen of writers, Pixar and Disney, and many many more are fandoms I’m familiar with.  And I’ve picked up quite a bit from others over the years from friends.  So don’t count me out if yours isn’t on the list!

ALSO!  I’m offering Self Insert fictions.  Others would call them Mary Sue/Gary Stu stories, but ugh..  That phraseology is so last century, plus it’s also very reductive.  I’ve seen sections of my identity in mainstream offerings, but I’ve rarely ever seen my full self.  Some of you may have never seen yourself at all.  Or you see something so bad and stereotypical, it makes you cry.  I think that’s bullshit.  So bring your lovely self here and tell me what story you want and a little about you, and I will put you in the adventure.  You found Cap’s shield?  Smackdown on an alien in NYC during the Chitauri invasion?  Helped Sam and Dean find the book they needed in the library? Told Sherlock off for being rude to John?  Backed your wheelchair up enough to pin a Storm trooper in a corner?  Bump into a scared kid crossing the border who didn’t know where to go, so you pointed them towards Xavier’s school?

Long post is Long.  If you’re interested in more, click the readie

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Reblogging for the morning crowd

So. Today in class we assigned Macbeth roles to students to read. When I asked the class who wants to be Lady Macbeth, a young man raised his hand. I kind of stared at him like “Lady Macbeth,” and he nodded like “I know what I’m about ma’am.” So then the student who ended up as Macbeth raised his hand and said “HE’S THE ONE, HE’S MY WIFE!” So I said “yeah sure why not,” and the entire class period they were blowing kisses to each other and winking at each other, and every now and then Macbeth would say “I’m the luckiest man on Earth” and Lady Macbeth would put a hand to his chest, and be like “BABE!”.

I just stared at them, knowing that they CLEARLY have never read ‘Macbeth’ before, so… all this lovey dovey… I don’t know if I have the heart to tell them the truth.

Update:

  • Macbeth is absolutely willing to fucking throw down for Lady Macbeth. Has already threatened a wall, a desk, a few students, a textbook that was neither his nor Lady Macbeth’s, and me
  • Lady Macbeth is enjoying the attention and has begun to use this new connection to his advantage. I’m starting to suspect he’s read ahead in the play.
  • Macbeth is going to end up living in detention at this rate.
  • Macbeth has no idea that he is the tragedy of the story. Claims to be the hero of the play, fails to see the irony in this
  • Macbeth slowly scooted his desk across the classroom to hold hands with Lady Macbeth. He was not subtle.
  • Macbeth has proposed on several occasions. Lady Macbeth just laughs and says they’re already married.
  • Macbeth’s girlfriend is in the class with them and is “totally not jealous or anything just thinks this whole fucking play is a waste of time”
  • Lady Macbeth should probably be a theatre major at some point, he fucking rocked Act V scene I
  • Other teachers and staff are emailing me about the “lovely lords”. Lady Macbeth now refuses to answer to anything other than Lady Macbeth and is always very upset when people don’t call him by his proper title.

Robert Sapolsky about his study of the Keekorok baboon troop from National Geographic’s Stress: Portrait of a Killer.

Thiiiiiiis, people, thiiiis!

1. Kill alpha male types 2. Achieve world peace

Got it.

I’ve actually read a lot of Sapolsky’s work.  He’s one of my favorite scientists in the neuro/socio world.

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I just watched the documentary and there is so much more about the troop that isn’t in this photoset—not only does the troop have a culture of little aggression and greater cooperation, but any incoming jerk baboons learned within a few months that their shitty behaviour was in no way acceptable, that the troop only rewarded sociability, and they changed accordingly. 

The last thing you ate + the first thing you see when you look to your left is the title of your pretentious lifestyle blog.

Right now, mine would be called Pizza and Prints.

burrito and a hole in a beige wall

Shini I love it

Mine is toast and a cardboard box

Mac and Cheese and Scissors

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Tuna and Vodka

Commercial dipped ice cream cone and IKEA teddy bear

Fried Rice and Salt

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*coughs*  *rubs the hick accent all over this* 

Biscuits and Sausage Gravy and a Green Avengers Hulk Cup.

Cantaloupe and a Wall

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Reblog if you think sign language should be taught as a language in schools.

As someone who went to school with hard-of-hearing / deaf kids and therefore had to learn (British) sign language at school, I totally agree.

Whilst in Sydney in 1994, a man apparently tries to assassinate Prince Charles. And not a single fuck was given by His Royal Highness.

(x)

I’m dead at his face in the last one like “Did you even try?”

And then when he gets pushed he’s like “Wait no let him try!”

his composure is just everything I aspire to be

OMG IT’S BACK!

CHARLES IS THE BEST OMG

Like how he stands there as if, “Okay, I’ll be perfectly still and we’ll see if you can hit me this time. Come on, it is like I’m giving you a head start.” He’s more annoyed with his cuff link than the wanna be assassin.

FOREVER REBLOGGING THIS.

THIS is how you deal with terrorists

Even if you go down you did it with dignity.

You all do know who his mother is right? You know the woman who stayed home during the bombing of London and drove Jeeps in WW2. They are trained to be final boss overlord level composed at age 2.

U don’t fuck with the Queen

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His sister, Princess Anne, was the victim of an attempted kidnapping. The guy pointed a gun at her and told her to get out her car. She replied: “Not bloody likely.” And tried to kick him.

so I’ve got this headcanon that Guardians of the Galaxy is really the Avengers playing a table top roleplaying game, where Bucky’s the DM who suffers through heaps and loads of trolling 

Mostly from Steve

Especially from Steve

Which means Natasha was the one who sat down and wrote out the long, comprehensive backstory for her kickass space assassin Gamora, that Bucky keeps trying to work into the campaign but they keep getting sidetracked by –

Tony who just created what he sees himself as – the suave, wise-cracking space vagabond.

Thor who needed a lot of help building his character and decided on a couple easy to remember traits (Strong, honor, doesn’t get metaphors)

and Bruce who’s actually too busy to pay full attention so any time Bucky asks what he wants to do he just says “I am Groot” and lets Steve decide

Oh my god.

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Headcanon accepted so hard

Reblog if you have an original story!

I’m not talking about fanfictions or AU’s based off of a video game/comic/TV series, I’m talking about a story with a world and characters that are YOURS and YOURS alone.

A good thread on whether “queer” is a slur and if it should be used or not.

Everybody who came out before you has taken the rocks and bottles and made them into shields and windchimes.

My god, what a turn of phrase.

Reblog if you honestly have NEVER sent anon hate.

It pains me that only 14,000 people can honestly reblog this

RIGHT SO I JUST FINISHED REWATCHING TANGLED, AND

I just got hit by this realization.

Eugene is telling this as a bedtime story to their kids.

Like, all I could imagine is this adorable little brown haired kid with green eyes sitting in bed watching as he makes this really dramatic face, and begins

“This is the story of how I died!”

and they look a little scared, so he quickly goes

“Don’t worry, this is actually a very fun story and the truth is, it isn’t even mine. This is the story of a girl named Rapunzel and it starts with the sun.”

And they both look at Rapunzel real quick because, hey, Mom’s in the story, great!

And by the end they’re both teasing each other and making sappy faces and the kid’s giggling and half asleep and

“There you go, kiddo. That’s the story of how we met. Sweet dreams, sunshine. Tomorrow night we’re gonna tell you the story of how your Aunt Elsa froze her entire fucking country because of her emotional issues.”

EUGENE!”

WHAT?”

Why I Refuse To Support PETA

As most of you know, PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) produces lots of sexist, racist, fatphobic, and even ableist ads. Their ideologies match, unfortunately. They are incredibly unreasonable, too, and they effectively want to remove companion animals from human contact entirely.

Members of PETA have done the following to me.

  • Attempted to take my service dog’s leash
  • Threatened to take him away
  • Sent me death threats
  • Threatened to euthanize him out of “mercy”
  • Claimed that I am a “slavedriver” and “active participant in the speciesist h*l*caust” (Ah yes, please tell the romani-german-native girl that she’s basically a Nazi. Good idea.)
  • Left threatening voicemails on my phone.
  • Scared me so badly that I had to move house at one point
  • Grabbed my service dog
  • Tried to pry my hand off of my service dog’s harness
  • Threw paint on a faux fur-lined coat I was wearing (the paint got matted in my hair to the point where I had to shave my head)
  • Speaks openly on their hatred for service dog handlers.
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Adding:

Their “Adoption” services are a complete lie. Do not bring an animal to a PETA facility or allow PETA volunteers or employees to take an animal. THEY WILL KILL IT. 

Their own documentation shows that they euthanize approximately 90 - 97% of all animals they take in, on a yearly basis. This includes everything from seriously injured/ill animals, to healthy puppies and kittens.

They support Breed Specific Legislation, and call for the mass extermination of all “Pit Bull-type dogs”.

if there is anyone out there who doesn’t know this - this is really important. PETA kills and terrorizes animals. They do so for their own propaganda and in turn, profit. There is nothing ethical about their treatment of animals let alone other human beings.

Their position is, supposedly, that animals are equal to humans and as such use really ableist, racist, and wildly inappropriate metaphors that undermine real human oppression and suffering. Often just for shock value. If they applied their principle, then they are basically saying that mentally ill or struggling and homeless humans should be put to death on mass.

In addition to all of the above, they also promote the idea that dairy products cause autism.

Plus, they harassed Steve Irwin’s family while they were grieving his death.  They’re pretty terrible.

The Humane Society of the United States and the SPCA are where it’s at, if you want broad, effective, and ethical animal rights organizations on a national scale, though you can be really effective seeking out your local no-kill shelter or wildlife refuge.