Hunting For Heartbreak

I know this isn’t a serious show, but, this really spoke to me.

If your fic is 1000 words long, you can’t tag it slow burn. It’s not slow burn. That is a matchstick. And this is my personal bias here but if those motherfuckers you’re writing experience significant forward momentum in their relationship in under 5k words, then that is just a regular old burn. Slow burn should be borderline intolerable and a mistake to start reading at 2 in the morning.

If the fic doesn’t have multiple scenes where two people almost kiss but then don’t because of a contrived interruption that they are both grateful for and angry about, until the desperate reader is forced every other paragraph to mutter, “this is fucking ridiculous, this is bullshit, I’m so fucking mad, please update sooooooooooon,” then it isn’t a slow burn. It is a romance and that is a lovely thing but. Slow burns should feel like being set on fire unto your death but the tinder is people not kissing and the spark is people who don’t admit they love each other and the whole thing is. You know. Slow.

I once read a slow burn where the main pairing didn’t even speak to each other ontil 80k words in

This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever read and the only true slow burn fic

“coming of age” books and movies are so stupid like being a teenager isn’t about having sex and going to parties it’s about staring out your car window after hanging out with your old best friends who you haven’t seen in months and realizing that you aren’t actually friends anymore and that your childhood has been well and truly dead since you were thirteen

sorry this tweet is just Very Good and im glad

Parks and Recreation | S05E12 “Ann’s Decision”

ive stolen this line and used it so many times

“can i book a hair appointment?”

“maybe”

Update from hell town

….I want to know what could have possibly happened that didn’t only prompt the closing of the McDonald’s but it’s over night demolition and Erasure

well i know why since i live here but im not going to tell you

But… But why not?

im shy.