Britain's Most Haunted Dad

Never forget how Disney ruined Doug by slapping on a bunch of arbitrary bullshit changes:

• The Beets broke up • Honker Burger closed • Roger got rich • Connie got a more “normal” body type • Doug became Porkchop’s pet • Skeeter’s safeword changed from “honk honk” to “eebeedeebee” • The town was named Doug • “Patti Mayonnaise Memorial Swimming Pool” WTF! • Mayor White became part of Doug’s circle of friends • Sex moans in the theme song • Everyone could see Doug’s imagination sequences happen in reality • 9/11 predictions got a lot less subtle • Mr. Dink calmed down • Judy Funnie became a baby • Mr. Bone lived in Doug’s walls • Doug’s voice actor was replaced by Sir Michael Caine • Every episode was 4 hours long • Every character was nude with grotesquely long, muscular torsos • Roger always dropped a gun on the floor in every scene • Doug turned twelve  • Every episode ended with Doug’s parents dying

don’t make me say it again

BIG boy

the oompa loompas are a greek chorus

First of all, I hate this so much. Second of all, imagine if the two switched places. (Veruca falls into the trash chute) Chorus: Pray thou no more; for mortals have no escape from destined woe. Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness; and reverence towards the gods must be inviolate. Great words of prideful men are ever punished with great blows… (Oedipus stabs his eyes out) Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa doopity do I’ve got another riddle for you What do you get when you sleep with your mum? A curse on your kids for decades to come~

he’s cured

actually if you look at the heart monitor hes flat lining

Gotta die somehow.

he’s cured

who says there arent true allies in this world. heartwarming

trans person: im trans me, the good cis ally: thats cool. thats very cool. in fact you can pee next to me any time. go ahead. fucking pee next to me. pee next to me immediately you fucking coward

tumblr psa: dont use ouija boards!!! you never know what kind of spirits you’re inviting into your life

me: nice try but none of u can stop me from using this glow in the dark hasbro piece of garbage 2 ask oscar wilde for fashion advice

my advice: do not fuck with the spirit world, don’t take it lightly, you’re young and naive and completely unaware of how any of it works. This is one thing you don’t want to find out you were wrong about the hard way. 

well thats all very nice and weirdly condescending but i just spirit-skyped jane austen & she says you’re a fucking square

Hey friends. My little sister is going to Romania for a month with her boyfriend, and I am worried because I find him to be kind of a piece of shit and I think he can employ abusive/isolating tactics while she’s there as she doesn’t drive or know written Romanian. They’re both Deaf and she only knows a little Romanian sign language.

Do any of you know someone who might be willing to be an emergency couch crash space for her, particularly near Timisoara?

Please can you help me with this

German zoologist Wilhelm Giesbrecht’s illustration of copepods — tiny crustaceans related to crabs and lobsters — glowing against a background that is dark like their daytime ocean environment, from his ‘Systematik und Faunistik der pelagischen Copepoden des Golfes von Neapel…’ (‘Systematics and geographical distribution of the pelagic copepods of the Gulf of Naples…’) (1892) (© AMNH\R. Mickens)

(via Hyperallergic)

no emoji in the world can replace the depth of :/

pseudo intellectual asshole: “everyone’s taking too many pills. they don’t like to feel, so they take pills. we need to stop taking so many pills and live life.”

my pill taking ass: “i can’t wait for the pill that makes me unable to hear you.”

never talk to me or my eight medications again

this is the most anticlimactic video i’ve ever seen