Let! That! Baby! Eat!!!!!!
Perfect tags
It's 2023 and this joke is still somehow even funnier than ever.
A vampire has worked at the local 7-11 for the past 5 decades. No one has the heart to call the vampire out or slay them. A little because they're such a good employee, mostly because they think they're doing such a good job hiding the vampirism when they're really not.
The neighborhood has changed a lot over the years. What started as Mike’s Gas and Snacks, was bought up and made into a 7-11. The funny thing is Mike’s son Tommy still works there. Tommy should be in his early seventies, but he doesn’t look a day past twenty-one. He worked the night shift back in the day to pay his way through college. Same story he tells customers even now, fifty years after that fateful night. A couple on a robbery bender came in to gas up, grab food, and clean out the register. Tommy pulled out the .38 special from under the counter. Shots were exchanged and both Tommy and the girl of the group were found bleeding on the floor. One of the EMTs decided Tommy should get to live forever for his bravery, and gave him the Gift of Cain. Tommy drained what was left of life from the girl and then the second EMT. He was now a vampire. Tommy was reported DOA at the hospital, was given shelter by his benefactor during the day and then went to work the next night. Seeing his dead son show up for work caused Tommy’s father to have a heart attack and die. The fledgling vampire called his benefactor for assistance, and his father was picked up and processed, and given a decent funeral. Tommy sold the place to 7-11, with an understanding that he would choose who worked the night shift. He’s used lots of different names over the years, but most of the regulars know who he is, and that the store is the one safe haven for anyone in danger at night. Since the night of Tommy’s “death” the store has never been successfully robbed during the night shift. The few hunters who’ve come looking for the Vampire of 10th Street, find Tommy and hear about all the good he’s done for the neighborhood and move on. The kid and I have an understanding, any prey that makes it to his corner is safe from me. Any predator other than us in the neighborhood doesn’t live out the night one of us catches them. 7-11 has tried to make him employee of the month several times, but his picture never turns out. Maybe one of these new digital cameras might catch his image, but the old film ones never will. Tommy is a good kid and I don’t regret giving him the Gift of Cain.
Anonymous asked:
Imagine you walk in the club and you see some really quiet looking ‘I don’t wanna be here’ type sitting down drinking a coke and when they stand up and turn around they’ve got one of every color hanky (including mosquito netting) in each back pocket
why imagine a memory
I’m absolutely obsessed with the reddit side of the Tolkien fandom, in particular, this discussion regarding how Sauron fits the ring on his finger, as well as penal compensation a la Lord Farqaud style
Oh my GOD YOUR BRAIN IS AMAZING
I couldn't not try.
Hat tip to @mugwomps !
personally i think there should have been at least one episode where sokka collects aang and zuko and is like, “looks like we’re running low on supplies. time for a GUYS-ONLY field trip. three days of hunting and fishing and polishing our swords. y’know, manly warrior stuff. (aang, sotto voce: actually sokka i’m a vegetarian as you know–) you girls have fun sitting around braiding your hair and talking about your crushes” and then the entire episode is just zuko and sokka lying around by a river, plucking blades of grass and staring up at the stars confiding in each other their deepest feelings and most secret insecurities while aang braids flower crowns, and whenever the screen cuts back to katara and toph and suki, they’re fighting and screaming and hacking away at river pirates and evil spirits and legions of assassins and hired mercenaries with swords. you know, as girls do.
and when the boys finally drag themselves back to camp (they stayed up way too late discussing what true leadership really means and whether or not power always corrupts) they find suki and toph and katara lounging around with black eyes and fresh bruises and bloodstained weapons and sokka shrieks, “what were you guys DOING while we were gone???” and karata just shugs innocently and says in her sweetest voice, “oh, you know. just girly things”
they are absolutely still wearing the crowns and they don’t have a single fish to show for their efforts
i did it
Are you an ocean gay, a space gay, or a forest gay? Are you a coffee, tea, or hot chocolate gay? Are you a 420 gay, 69 gay, or 666 gay? Are you an early morning, a mid-day, or a late night gay?
I see people talking about the Brave browser in the whole Firefox vs chrome debate, and while people rightly point out that it's just chromium and that they do shady cryptocurrency shit, I never see anyone point out that Brave's founder and CEO is Brandan Eich.
He founded Brave after massive protests against him becoming CEO of Mozilla, resigning after 11 days. And the reason for those protests? He donated a lot of money to the Prop 8 campaign to ban gay marriage.
So just remember: it's not just another chromium fork, it's not just a browser with cryptocurrency bullshit, it's also the browser founded by a homophobe because he got kicked out of his former organization for being a homophobe.
Also, he invented Javascript. I'm willing to believe that maybe he has grown on the gay marriage issue, and made amends for his former mistakes. But Javascript cannot be forgiven.
huh, i did not know that.
Aliko Dangote, the richest man in Africa, has been tormented by a Brazilian man named Osvaldo for the last several years.
THE TUMBLR HORSE DERBY
WELCOME TO THE FIRST TUMBLR HORSE DERBY (that i know of, anyway)
HOW TO HORSE: 🐎🐎🐎 - Vote for your FAVOURITE horse to make them go faster! (yknow, like those carnival horse derby games!) MAY THE BEST HORSE WIN
(also sample size reblog yadda yadda yadda HORSE)
I didn’t know how to say “im a vegetarian” in Spanish so I very haltingly said “los animales … son mis amigos…” when my coworker asked why I wasn’t eating the tamales. Which makes me sound insane but also my coworker just nodded sagely and said “ahh. Entiendo.”
me talking to mrs about a supplement for our chickens: “It has vitamins and calcium and….. the lil germs that help you eat food.”
randomly 10 min later: Probiotics!
Update from reddit:
So after the whole fiasco of admins forcing subs open, the mods of these subs have banded together and decided: They are going to make the subs umonitizable. That means they are going to make sure that reddit is going to produce jackshit in those subs by either posting things that don't fit the sub or nsfw.
Many of these subs are just posting porn and marking themselves as nsfw from what I heard. Specifically r/interestingaf and r/perfectlycutscreams, both of whom have over 1 million followers and a badass pinned post.
Other subs that are not nsfw but are doing things to protest:
r/Pics, r/Aww, r/Art and many subs have decided to become a John Oliver cult and only post pictures of him (the above mentioned has over 10 million followers)
r/wellthatsucks became literal vacuum sub
r/memes are posting medieval stuff
r/Steam only posts about steam engines and no longer the website.
r/shitposting is mourning the lost of one of their mods that got permaband, and they all post u/Spez memes basically mocking him.
And that's basically all I could find.
Update 2: Reddit is literally nuking everything. They're banning mods that post nsfw stuff.
There's a lesson here
What the hell? Is this normal? Is the snake ok?
Thanks for tagging me!
So, this isn't good, and it's not normal, but this is something that can happen in even healthy snakes, with a few big qualifiers. This only really happens on ophiophagus (snake-eating) snakes, like this kingsnake, and it happens because they think they smell food and wind up biting themselves. This snake happened to bite at just the right angle to swallow their tail, and as they kept going, any pain they felt was dismissed as being from their "prey" biting them.
This snake is probably okay. As you can see in the video, they let go as soon as some hand sanitizer got in their mouth - snakes hate the smell and taste of the stuff.
Situations like this are very rare. This snake's keeper did the right thing - it looks like they brought them to to the vet based on the table, and some hand sanitizer got them to let go with no issues.
My favorite mermaid art is the one of a family photo with a mermaid mother and old sailor father and their sons are both reverse merfolk (human legs with fish heads).
This is the one!
It's by Jessica Warrick.
The Pevensie children are too old for their age.
Their mom notices, at the dinner table. She sees no nagging children, no stupid fights. She sees Lucy eating and speaking with perfect manners, Edmund analysing the economy and war with concerning skill, Susan being gracious but poised, like a diplomat.
Their father sees it in Peters eyes the first time they get into a fight. When he moves to punish Edmund for speaking out of turn, Peter calls him out on it. When his gaze meet his eldest son's, he's leveled by the war he sees behind it, the tensed muscle in his arm, the knuckles white around his knife. He's seen that before, in other soldiers. He doesn't know how to react.
Other children notice, too. Talking to all the Pevensie kids at the same time is like being the only one left out of a secret, and the way they touch and tease each other speaks of a history far deeper than their polite demeneor lets on. And when they walk they fall in line, as if there is a natural hierarchy between them.
The first time anyone picks a fight with Edmund, Peter comes home with a three week suspension and blood around his mouth. He looks more alive than you've seen him in weeks.
When Susan gets back in the pool after Narnia, she wins all the contests. Coaches can't explain how to beat her, because they don't understand how she's doing it, either. She seems to almost disappear when underwater.
Lucy, always gay and golden-haired, starts dancing, and never misses a step. She moves with an elegance that no 10 year old should have, and all the girls want to be friends with her
Edmund soon becomes the best student in his faculty. He always seems to know the right thing to say, and teachers laud his ability to think through complex problems. His mouth does get him in trouble sometimes, but the boy seems uncatchable, always talking his way through the cracks. And if not?
No one actively fears Peter, but everyone is a little scared of him sometimes. He's tall for his age, sure, but there is something else, some other air that seems to give him an authority far beyond what's normal for a teenage boy. He's nice enough, but teachers can't stand it, and bullies learn very quickly that pissing him off means missing teeth and black eyes.
The Pevensies are not quite inhuman, but not fully mortal, either
i feel so bad for nikola tesla like imagine spending years beefing with a guy who has conned the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and you end up dying broke and starving and alone and then 100 years later another guy cons the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and he's doing it all IN YOUR NAME. he must be rolling in his grave like a fucking rotisserie chicken
His ghost is setting those cars on fire actually
I hadn’t really considered “the agnostic demigod of electromagnetism is the reason Musk’s companies fail” before, but I like the concept.
apparently my coworker told the new hire that he thinks I come to work hungover from the goth club every day because I’m “always so tired” and cranky and while I’m annoyed that he would spread rumors like that, I am also enamored of the fantasy world he’s created in which there is a goth club nearby that’s open every night. god I wish.
if this stupid little town somehow had a thriving goth nightclub scene I would never fucking leave it
shoutout to anthropomorphic snakes in animated movies doing poses that would normally require arms by creatively using their coils as arms instead. gotta be one of my favorite genders
this is what it's all about
I gotta add my girl Summer to this post.
Summer is a master of using coils like arms and hands
