Just can't wait to evolve

thats it. fuck you. *homestucks your gundam*

This rapid slide from attempted machismo to sweet tender feelings is what happened to the show, too.

I have exactly one thing to say about shoplifting from large chains and it's this: if you're gonna do it then please take the whole product

Just take the whole pack, please.

This is the worst thing I've seen in my entire life

Plants what now

okay so apparently we just discovered that plants emit clicking sounds too high pitched for us to hear, and are noisy when they're stressed but quiet when content

There needs to be more research done into this, and as of now we can't say why the sounds happen but. WHAT.

I knew they could hear noises but apparently they MAKE noises too

Cats knocking over houseplants just got a lot more vindictive

SHUT UPPPP

guess whats in my lamp again

arent you supposed to eat them or something

I've survived my first day on Tumblr

Achievements:

Oh boy oh boy you're gonna get a Rare achievement for this one

Containment Breach

The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog in a nutshell.

afghan hounds are such weird looking dogs it’s like if a politician’s wife made a fursona

they come in exactly two flavors and they are “35 year old midwesterner who wants to sell you some essential oils”

and “wizard in disguise who isn’t even trying”

WAIT I just found a third kind and it’s “your state alchemy license is getting revoked”

That wizard in disguise is clearly John Lynch (the actor), my partner says. I agree with them.

Another day in the Office

Surrealist humor sure is taking on a new flavor huh

I have finally identified my only two braincells.

the thrilling sequel to "Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?".

That’s a cute foot fetish you got there, would you mind keeping it 25796323689432 feet away from me?

25796323689432 feet you say?

This post turns 11 next month and it continues to be one of the funniest on this damn site

Oh, wyrm?

When I hit the reblog button, I hope that random person is me

aww man :(

I decided to make some more valentines day cards for you to print and share. 

Check out the batch from 2013.

me: where should i go if i need a hat but i don't want to be kidnapped and held hostage and made to attend tea parties?

gotham tourist board:

me when they call my name at mcdonals (i am approaching the counter)