Croissant

Middle-aged magical girl.

She's been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she's very tired.

My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I've been Earth's one and only... Wonder-Sparkle Princess.

she's been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren't giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they've added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don't interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her* Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he's dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can't save you if you interrupt her rare vacations

Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people's hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can't, got a PTA meeting.

Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.

Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor's heart with hatred then?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That'd be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!

Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How's the husband? Still dead?

Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don't mess with my time off :p

Two households, both alike in dignity,

Dya ever think about how many hundreds of thousands of dollars are wasted each year trying to mail targeted advertisements to dead people? Because I do!

I know very little about who Danny moody Was but there sure are a lot of people who can't comprehend that when an 80 year old man Stops buying insurance for 20 years that's probably an indication of something

And it's Not that you should try to sell him more insurance

“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?

"you cant get married platonically, marriage is about LOVE and COMMITMENT" yeah love for the bit commitment to the bit

its been an hour and a half and this has 800 notes can you understand my pain

"do you take this person to be your partner, to have and to hold, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

"yes, and..."

What able bodied authors think I, an amputee and a wheelchair user, would want in a scifi setting:

What I actually want:

What is a clown but a goblin and a sprite and a tackle box of makeup? 

good. you do not deserve to have bird imagery

Tumblr has the opportunity to do the funniest fucking thing with their next mobile icon update

legend 🙌

why you should have corded controllers 

I think what fucks me up the most is that each passenger paid at least $250,000 to be in that submersible. And ultimately, as billionaires, that’s like. A percentage of a percent of a percentage of their wealth. It’s like a trip to Starbucks for people like me. There is not a single person in my life whose existence would not be monumentally changed for the better in ways they probably can’t even imagine by having $250,000 accessible to them. And these dudes handed it over to go die in the ocean in a tin can piloted by a video game controller in some kind of fucked up deep sea Major Tom situation

I mean, those 250.000$ did change their lives. I get what you mean, but their lives did change a lot since they took that trip.

You know what? Fair enough. I cannot argue with that.

.

The window to my bedroom is connected to the patio, but the door to access the patio is in the living room. Lovey likes to look out the window, and he also likes to sit on the patio. But he must not have realized that the two patios are the same patio until one day I was sitting outside and he went into my room to see me still on the patio. Ever since, he would run back and fourth and meow at me from different angles, no matter where I am. Must still be novel for him.

I know people on tumblr looove stories of underwater cave diving, but I haven't seen anyone talk about nitrogen narcosis aka "raptures of the deep"

basically when you want to get your advanced scuba certification (allowing you to go more than 60 feet deep) you have to undergo a very specific test: your instructor takes you down past the 60+ foot threshold, and she brings a little underwater white board with her.

she writes a very basic math problem on that board. 6 + 15. she shows it to you, and you have to solve it.

if you can solve it, you're good. that is the hardest part of the test.

because here's what happens: there is a subset of people, and we have no real idea why this happens only to them, who lose their minds at depth. they're not dying, they're not running out of oxygen, they just completely lose their sense of identity when deep in the sea.

a woman on a dive my instructor led once vanished during the course of the excursion. they were diving near this dropoff point, beyond which the depth exceeded 60 feet and he'd told them not to go down that way. the instructor made his way over to look for her and found a guy sitting at the edge of the dropoff (an underwater cliff situation) just staring down into the dark. the guy is okay, but he's at the threshold, spacing out, and mentally difficult to reach. they try to communicate, and finally the guy just points down into the dark, knowing he can't go down there, but he saw the woman go.

instructor is deep water certified and he goes down. he shines his light into the dark, down onto the seafloor which is at 90 feet below the surface. he sees the woman, her arms locked to her sides, moving like a fish, swimming furiously in circles in the pitch black.

she is hard to catch but he stops her and checks her remaining oxygen: she is almost out, on account of swimming a marathon for absolutely no reason. he is able to drag her back up, get her to a stable depth to decompress, and bring her to the surface safely.

when their masks are off and he finally asks her what happened, and why was she swimming like that, she says she fully, 100% believed she was a mermaid, had always been a mermaid, and something was hunting her in the dark 👍

NITROGEN NARCOSIS FACT CHECK TIME!

I've done a deep diver course. The PADI one certifies you to 40m/130ft.

Gas narcosis is definitely a thing. My dad started playing with the bubbles from his regulator.

It is very quickly reversed by ascending even just a couple of meters.

an important addition

creacher