His hair is still doing that?

people are punished for being poor in every aspect of life

This sounds like a shitpost but people should be allowed to be horny. As in, sexuality is just part of life for most people and there’s no reason for consensual sexual behavior to be punished. A celebrity getting “caught” at a sex club shouldn’t be a scandal. No one should be fired for having a fetlife profile outside of work. Nudes getting leaked shouldn’t be career-ending. Denying and hiding (consensual) sexual interests doesn’t make anyone more professional, it just makes everyone more repressed. And sterilizing ourselves to be better work drones isn’t productive, it’s just creepy. I’d rather my surgeon get absolutely railed on camera and come to work in a good mood, frankly.

no I read something about this recently! 

it is a combination of: 

projectionists used to well trained union workers now they are mostly some guy who works in the cinema and hits play without adjusting any levels

boom operators aren’t allowed to get in as close as they used to and miking performers well isn’t routinely done

 directors don’t appreciate setting up and getting good sound on the day sound on the day assuming everything can be fixed in post (it can’t)

sound operators who say ‘hey actually we need one more take of that for sound’ are routinely ignored

tight turnaround and schedules means that the noisier equipment (generators etc) is set up closer and closer to where they’re filming so mixers have to try hide the sound of noisy diesel engines etc that the mics are picking up

a mumble style of delivery is increasingly popular among actors who want to appear naturalistic on screen

film and television is very much considered a visual medium so directors are trained to think of visuals first when filming and sound last

not to be rude but some of y'all need to look on the bright side sometimes. like, yeah sure the world is fucked and people suck and we all die whatever, sure, but like. go outside.

ok i phrased this poorly, hang on.

i’m not saying the cure for depression is touching grass. however, if you surround yourself with sad things and talk about how terrible life is and how much you’re suffering and never take a breath and remember it’s not all bad, you’ll end up making yourself worse.

My opinion on detransitioners is that if someone dyed their hair purple and then realized it wasn't the right color for them I'd help them buy the hair dye to change it back.

The only time it would be a problem is if they started blaming me for "making them want to dye it in the first place" just because I dye my hair.

It would be even more of a problem if they then started advocating for restricting people's access to hairdye just because they decided dyeing their hair wasn't the right thing for them.

I'm going to elaborate on this a little more directly because the other day I saw an article by the daily mail that made me feel a bit queasy.

It was an article about a woman who had thought she was a trans man, had gotten top surgery and gone on testosterone, and then realized that it wasn't actually making her happy and that she wasn't actually a trans man. Reading this I felt nothing but sympathy, as someone who has struggled with mental illness his whole life I know how hard it is when you think something is going to "fix you" and then it doesn't. She talks about how she saw trans people expressing joy after transitioning and she thought that it would do the same for her. I was a little uncomfortable with that line of thinking but the alarm bells weren't going off quite yet.

But then she goes on to say that she thinks she was given access to transition care far too easily and quickly. That her informed consent wasn't really informed. That's when I started getting really uncomfortable. She started talking about how she thinks it's too easy to transition and that a lot of people "don't really know what they're doing" when they transition. She then advocated for making it harder for people to transition. That's when I stopped reading the article.

There is a reason a lot of trans people are uncomfortable around detransitioned cis people, and it's because of people like the woman from this article. You can tell from the way she talks about the trans community to the way she talks about transition that she did not do her due diligence and is now refusing to take responsibility for that. She saw people talking about how transitioning made them happy and took it at face value. She thought it would be a magic fix that would cure her depression and when it didn't she felt betrayed, like she had been lied to. But she never understood why transitioning was making these people happy.

Based on her comments about informed consent it's obvious she also didn't bother researching the actual transition care that she was getting. That is the whole point of informed consent, you have to do the research yourself. I mean hell I feel like I know more about how testosterone affects the body than my general practitioner does because I've spent so much time researching it to make sure that's what I wanted. It's not the trans community's fault that she didn't educate herself, it isn't like the resources aren't available.

To me all of this is indicative of a larger issue. It isn't just about transition, it's about the way society as a whole treats mental health. Mental illnesses have been commodofied and healthy coping mechanisms have been abandoned. People think that watching tiktoks about depression are a stand in for therapy. Trauma is worn like a badge of honour and the mere idea of unpacking it is seen as ableist. People build communities around suffering and then act surprised when people get hurt. Nobody is expected to take responsibility for their own mental wellbeing anymore so nobody knows how to.

That woman transitioned because she thought it would magically get rid of her mental illnesses. She saw trans people finding relief after finally being able to live in a body they were comfortable in and misunderstood what was going on. She was viewing them through a lens of her own suffering because she didn't see the difference, she assumed her experiences were universal. When it didn't work out she decided that trans people must have been the issue and not her own ignorance.

It's the constant refusal to take responsibility for your own actions that really bothers me as both a trans person and a disabled person. Getting better takes work and you have to be ready to fuck up and feel bad sometimes. Getting to the root of your mental illnesses and doing something about them is hard and uncomfortable and exhausting but it's worth it. Quick fixes aren't real and there are no magical cures. Transitioning is a journey of self discovery, not just a medical treatment. We will keep seeing detransitioned people acting and thinking like the woman above unless we change the way people talk about and treat mental health.

And that's that on that.

Actually I'm not done. I want to be as explicit as I possibly can right now:

Trans people existing and being happy in their trans bodies isn't "making" anyone do anything. Us being ourselves isn't "pressuring" anyone. Trans people being nice to you on the internet have no control over what YOU do with YOUR body.

If you are mentally ill and find some comfort and solace in the trans community then I'm happy for you! I'm glad you found kindness! But if you have such a surface level understanding of us and our experiences that you think transitioning is a magical cure that suddenly gets rid of all of our mental illnesses over night, then sorry but that's on you. Transitioning makes many trans people feel better specifically because it treats their dysphoria. If your mental illnesses aren't related to gender dysphoria then yeah, transition isn't gonna fuckin help! You cannot blame trans people for your own ignorance. There are more than enough resources available for you to educate yourself, not just about trans people but about mental illness too. Trans people aren't responsible for educating you, even though many of us will if you ask!

I'm so tired of hearing story after story after story of someone who saw trans people being happy after transitioning, decided that surely transition would cure their depression, and then got pissed off at trans people when it didn't work. I mean every single story I have heard about detransitioners who were mad at the trans community and felt "pressured" to transition is like that. As a trans guy who has spent a decade of my life in pyshciatric care it frustrates me.

Trans joy is not dangerous.

I am cis so if this addition is unwelcome, please let me know and I'll delete it.

I have had severe pain in my feet when standing and walking since I was a child. In 2020 I went to a doctor who diagnosed me and told me we could try conservative efforts like physical therapy and custom orthotics, or surgery was an option.

I chose surgery. If I wanted to meet my deductible and maximum out-of-pocket, I needed to have both surgeries in the same year, or I would have to pay for both myself. So I said "ok, let's do it."

It's been two full years. My pain is worse. I regret getting the surgery, it made everything worse and now I have to use a wheelchair. That was always a possibility. My doctor had me sign a waiver saying that I knew the risks. But I need to emphasize that I walked into that doctor's office for the first time and walked out 45 minutes later with a surgery scheduled for the next week. Just like that. The surgery quite possibly ruined any hope of me walking without pain for the rest of my life, I cannot undo it, and I cannot overstate how simple it was to decide I was getting it and have it done the next week.

Nobody made me go through months of therapy to prove I was prepared for it. Nobody gave me a pamphlet of horror stories from people who had the surgery and regretted it. Nobody told me that I was being too rash or hasty about a huge decision that I might regret for the rest of my life. Nobody tried to make it harder for me to get the surgery because they regretted getting theirs.

They just scheduled the surgery.

My regret is my problem, and nobody else's. Nobody told me I needed the surgery, my doctor mentioned it as an option. Am I bitter that I'm worse now than before? Of course I am. Would I advise people against getting the surgery? No. I would advise them to try less invasive treatments first if they could. I would advise them not to rush into surgery without considering the possible consequences. But I would also know that grown ass adults don't need me to hover over their shoulders and give them medical advice.

People make irreversible medical decisions about their own bodies every fucking day and nobody, NOBODY, behaves as though it is some huge crisis that must be addressed. Unless the medical decision involves gender-affirming care. Then suddenly it's everybody's business. Then suddenly someone should protect us from ourselves.

You’re in their DM’s….I’m not because I have extreme social anxiety but I hit that like button often

starting a collection

For trans activism to move forward you have GOT to learn to accept that not everybody who uses She/Her pronouns is going to be some short, white, skinny, passing person.

You’ve got to accept that there are tall, hairy, and fat trans women who “havent done anything” and still deserve to be fucking gendered correctly.

I’m sorry you had to hear this from me, but not everybody is going to appeal to your UwU soft trans catgirl sensibilities.

before you make fun of a person doing something brave and vulnerable like dancing or singing or reading poetry in front of a lot of people:

How do I explain to you people that interracial relationships are okay

Not every white person dating a POC is fetishizing. White people can be respectful and responsible when it comes to culture and relationships and not everyone has bad intentions.

Asian people can date Black people without you saying shit like “your kids will be so pretty” they’re not dating for pretty kids. They’re dating bc they like each other.

Someone can dress their partner in clothing from their culture if they want. Someone can take their partner to cultural events if they want.

People in relationships can share cultures, experiences and love without it being toxic or skin deep.

Their partner isn’t culturally appropriating. Their partner is being shown the ultimate form of love, bc their partner trusts them and loves them enough to share their history and heritage.

Yeah, dating someone from your culture is nice bc you automatically have similar experiences. But you’re not limited to dating people with the same experiences. Loving someone is sharing and growing and being together.

Interracial relationships aren’t always toxic, and some of y’all need to stop projecting onto other people.

👆 THIS 👆 👏👏👏

Calling ineterracial relationships toxic or fetishizing just seem like anti race mixing or racism with extra steps

As much as I want to support ethical farming practices I will be buying the cheapest bag of frozen chicken thighs as much as the next frugal/poor person which is why animal welfare needs to be legislated, not left up to the invisible hand of the free market or some bullshit. Invisible hand of the free market finds itself around a lot of throats.

If you were actually "just being lazy", then it wouldn't bother you this much that you're not doing what you're supposed to do. Being lazy is comfortable. Struggling to get something done is very different from not caring to do it.

If you were actually "just being lazy", then it wouldn't bother you this much that you're not doing what you're supposed to do. Being lazy is comfortable. Struggling to get something done is very different from not caring to do it.

Not everything is a personal attack against you. Your friend may not be ignoring you on purpose but may be feeling drained. Someone isn’t always being short with you because they’re angry at you but may be trying to hold their own emotions together. Please don’t always assume malicious intent. Most of the time, people are just being people and trying to survive their own lives. It’s not necessarily about you.

I’ve received several asks about this post saying that I’m encouraging people to accept bad behaviour because it’s “not personal”. And no? That’s not what the post is about.

My blog is for BPD reminders and while some of these reminders apply to others, the main focus is on those with BPD and I use my own experience with BPD to provide these reminders.

For me? My partner could be more quiet than usual and I might think “he hates me! He’s planning to break up with me!” When the reality is he slept poorly the night before and he’s feeling tired.

It might be that my friend gives me short answers over text and I’m thinking “she’s angry at me! I did something but I don’t know what” and the reality is that she’s at work and replying where she can.

Sometimes my friends are “off” and I can tell something is wrong but they aren’t ready to talk about it. And that’s okay. But I need to remind myself that it’s not necessarily about me.

My point is that this is a reminder for those who struggle with thinking something bad because their loved one is being slightly off for whatever reason. It’s meant to reassure and encourage people to look at the big picture instead of being stuck in the anxiety that their loved one suddenly hates them.

TLDR: Quit sending me hateful asks because you’ve misunderstood my post.

i swear to god if polyamorous people become the new “cringe identity” i am killing someone. we need to stop doing this… there is absolutely nothing to be gained by labeling an entire group of people “annoying” based on their attraction to others. it’s genuinely so pathetic and it really just seems like some gay people want to live out their fantasy of being high school bullies, so they go after people they deem lesser than them (this was once bisexuals, and then it was nonbinary people, and then asexual, and now it’s going to be polyamorous people)

this is starting to happen. there are a few funnyman blogs that are slowly starting to make posts about how polyamorous people are incapable of love, and how their attraction is wrong somehow. so keep an eye out okay? see that shit and realize it’s the same thing just a different identity. it’s homophobia for gay people that want to feel as powerful as the cishets

family appalled that their very quiet well behaved mature child who never caused any problems has grown up and turned out to have many many problems. more news at 8!

emo boys used to make out with each other for attention. what happened. where did it go

No, kids should not have unsupervised acess to the internet.   Yes, I got that and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.    Its a paradox.