narrator: it was not, in fact, the end of all the endings
screaming crying sobbing this feels so unreal im so excited
Anonymous asked:
Not to be a bitch to anyone, but I low-key feel like people who act like Lover sucked just don't know how to have fun and really ~enjoy~ things. Lover is an album full of just giving everything you have and allowing yourself to feel things deeply, without apology. Obvs this is just my personal opinion and not to attack anyone, but yeah. 💕
it is a very earnest album from its content to its marketing and i agree some (emphasis: some!) people hated it because they want taylor to be a bad edgy bitch when that's not really who she is nor was that the type of music she wanted to make at the time. she was crawling, tooth and nail, out of the darkest time in her life. happiness was still evasive but present. it's the butterfly formed from the dark cocoon, rainbow after the thunderstorm, and so on.
also, it had some fucking bangers!
I’ve decided that anyone who reads this will get eras tour tickets
normalize not having a favorite taylor album. my favorite is whichever one i’m listening to in the moment. thanks
the idea of open borders really doesn’t seem radical at all to me. like, from having traveled in the eu and between scotland and england/northern ireland and the republic, i’ve seen that it can and does work. what seems extreme to me is letting people drown at sea, especially when it’s being done by the eu??
the eu having internal open borders but then having an extremely hard border around it is an act of racism. i don’t think i’m exaggerating by saying that, europeans are free to enter where african and asian refugees are forbidden
TAYLOR SWIFT - THE ERAS TOUR ON FILM
photos taken by jackandtaylor on twitter.
i am twenty and probably upset right now / still upset but now i’m twenty two
i know i’ll get better, i’m just not better yet / am i better yet?
“Remember when I pulled up and said: Get in the car and then canceled my plans just in case you’d call? Back when I was livin’ for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all… Meet me behind the mall.”
mormon kids under the age of 18 being told their church is a cult
mormons 18-24 after they go through their endowment ceremony and receive their new name and secret clothing and learn the secret handshakes and passwords and realize everyone around them has been secretly doing this the whole time and now theyre going to be sent away from their family for 2 years where they will literally not be allowed to be alone for 1 second of the day except to go to the bathroom and they have no idea how to get out of what they just got into
one of the only perks of being a mormon woman is that i didn’t get my endowment at age 19 and i had a little extra time to mature and be out on my own. that’s all i needed to make a clean break and i got out at 21 before i wouldve gotten my endowment.
wait what? can anyone elaborate on this? because I had no idea this was a thing
basically when youre a mormon kid growing up you realize your church is a little strict but you’re like whatever. i have friends at church because i go to church 6 days a week and everyone around me is affirming that this is the right thing to do and we have special knowledge no one else has otherwise everyone would be like this. so youve gotta go teach them & it’s the greatest thing in the world to be a missionary. also the temple is beautiful and amazing and spiritual and holy and everyone wants to go there. but it’s a secret! :) because it’s holy and sacred
then if youre a boy and u turn 18 they’re like wow amazing!!! you get to go on a mission and be like all the great men around you!! and now you get to go through the temple! so #blessed!
and then you go through the temple and all the above mentioned SECRET CULTY SHIT happens (EXPLANATION HERE http://mormoncurtain.infymus.com/topic_templeceremonies.html) and youre shipped off to a strange place where everything you eat, wear, go, listen to and do is controlled, and you’re not allowed to talk to your family or friends (except through a once-a-week email) and you literally are being watched by your companion at all. times.
some might say “you can leave at any time” but consider that i never went on a mission and i never went through the temple and i still consider leaving the mormon church the hardest thing i ever did. you have no social network outside the church. you are lacking major knowledge and skills. you have to grapple with the fact that you may never see your family again.
I’m reblogging this again bc I have Thoughts.
Leaving is such an isolating experience. No one inside wants anything to do with you anymore and no one outside understands the scale of messed up that Mormonism is. Like it’s easy to point and laugh at the ridiculousness, but it’s literally a cult. There’s so much trauma involved and there’s trauma in leaving.
People on the outside don’t understand how hard it is to leave. I grew up where all my friends were catholic and are no longer religious and they’re like “well everyone hates church, you just stop going” but Mormonism isn’t like that at all. For starters I had to get a lawyer involved to leave and then the ostracization from the entire community that nurtured me growing up was just the cherry on top. It’s effectively being shunned. Everyone you were forced to call sister and brother growing up no longer wants anything to do with you. And you deserve it, because you shouldn’t have fallen for the anti-Mormon lies.
Leaving The Church was the hardest thing I ever did and my family accepts me so I’m a lucky one. But they still ardently adhere to the institution that hurt me and has resulted in the deaths of people I love. I will never understand.
smallest-feeblest-boggart
“There’s so much trauma involved and there’s trauma in leaving.”
It’s easy for people looking in from the outside to forget this. Thank you for the reminder. Can anyone recommend resources for young Mormons looking to explore their options?
Please note: this post will be directly addressed to those hypothetical young Mormons
If you know you’re ready to leave, use quitmormon.com. It’s run by the guy from reddit who is now famous in exmormon circles for offering absolutely free legal services to anybody who needs help leaving. You can give your church id number if you know it, but it’s not required (I never memorized mine, and I sure wasn’t going to ask for it). He takes care of everything. This keeps TSCC (the so-called church) from getting all your latest info and keeps them from hassling you or harassing you. They have to talk to your lawyer instead. Pre 2015, it felt almost impossible to try to leave, but it’s a lot easier now! The years of picketing General Conference to force an excommunication trial are over!
Find a support system. Lean on your friends that have never been mormon, any family members who left, anyone you know who left. I’m an exmormon happy to answer any questions, and I’m sure there are plenty others in the notes who would be super willing to be supportive too. Exmormon groups are many and varied now, and it’s best to find the one that vibes for you. There’s a subreddit that’s popular, but I personally used - and I know this sounds weird, since I don’t have kids - a forum called Mormonism & More on the site babycenter.com. It was started several years ago by some mormons who had questions they weren’t allowed to ask on the normal mormon board (because that board required uplifting, mormon-approved answers at all times). It’s since shifted to ex-mormons or people who want to leave but can’t right now because of family situations. Even though the threads were years old, I spent weeks on that forum, reading about what other people had gone through and how they got through it, and to me, that was super helpful.
Research the culty stuff at your own peril. I liked learning about that stuff for a really long time, because I felt learning about all those secrets (I especially liked learning about the truth of the Book of Abraham) … it helped me feel valid in my choice. It helped me keep in mind that this was something that I had escaped, something that had wanted to hurt me. Missing your abuser doesn’t mean you should go back, it means you should keep moving forward. Missing your cult has the same solution. Lots of people fell for the “we’re totally not a cult!” line by TSCC. Some of them will not offer sympathy. If you want to watch the hidden camera videos of endowments and other temple stuff, I would super super recommend you have a trusted friend watch them with you. And bring comfort food. You’ll probably need it.
TSCC put out a series of essays on controversial (read: faith-killing, eye-opening, omg how could I have ever supported the people who did this) issues in mormon history. They are the Orthodox LDS pre-approved responses to a lot of the more incriminating accusations that have been leveled at TSCC over the years. They should be hosted on TSCC website somewhere, and would have been posted around or after 2015. They may reaffirm your faith now that you know TSCC’s defense, but they may push you right out the door. (Or break the shelf? Do Mormons still use the shelf analogy, or is that retired now?)
Lots of mormons become atheists after leaving. Many join mainstream xian churches. Some become witches, some study every religion they can get their hands on, some try to go back and realize all the magic (or holy spirit, if you prefer) is gone. Don’t think you have to know right away. Some people throw away or burn all their mormon stuff, some people keep it to show their kids, but again, you don’t have to make that decision right away. Some people call TSCC a cult after they leave, myself included, but you don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable or it it doesn’t feel true to your experience.
Look up religious trauma syndrome. It’s real. The pain you will probably feel is real, the grief you will probably feel is real, and in many ways, you may have to mourn the death of what you were always told Life Will Be For You.
And learn that the world is not half as evil as TSCC told you. Your coworkers who drink a beer at the end of the day are not evil or abusive. Your friends who wear sleeveless shirts are not evil or promiscuous. You’re allowed to wear short shorts! You’re allowed to drink coffee! You’re allowed to ask questions in a faith community without being silenced or condemned! You’re allowed to not want kids! There’s a lot of unlearning here.
TLDR? You have options. You have freedom. Find nonmormon friends who will support you. Be kind to yourself.
People joke about Mormons but this is the first time I’ve seen anything at all directed towards people who need to get out.
I had a high school friend turned college roommate who left, moved 4 hrs away, and I had to lie to people who showed up repeatedly that he wasn’t home. That’s just the smallest outside perspective of this. They kept coming.
It is a cult. It operates by manipulating people. My aunt, who also left, converted from Catholicism when she was a single mother in her 20s who needed help. The church gave her a network of tangible support and got her through a vulnerable, scary time in her life–and used that
i guess it’s my time to shine
here is one of the subreddits on of the above commenters was talking about, and here is another one.
here is the latter gay stories podcast. here is a website with specific resources and links to support groups regarding religious trauma. here is another one.
this is a map where you can find exmo/pimo/questioning groups and individuals.
if you’re at a church school, be careful who you talk to about this. be careful of any facebook groups you join, as well as posting information on personal social media. consider making a throwaway reddit account to avoid getting doxxed and reported to the honor code office.
if you want to take a deeper look into TSCC’s truth claims:
this post showed up in my notifications and i guess i’m not done talking about it yet
ymmv as i haven’t removed my records yet, but if you are going to get your records removed i’ve seen it recommended in several places to get OFFICIAL copies of your transcripts + diploma if you attended a church school.
for obvious reasons, try not to leave until you have your diploma + copies of official transcripts in hand.
if you hate that you’ve gotta put BYU/BYUI/BYUH/LDSBC on your resume, maybe put “ABC degree in XYZ from a private university” or something similar.
PLEASE consider whether or not it’s feasible to be living independently before you come ‘out’ to your family and/or get your records removed. at the very least, have an exit strategy if you talk with them about this and they kick you out. if you do take the step to get your records removed, be prepared for people (everyone) to find out. it might be ‘confidential’ but the bishop might tell his wife something in confidence, or his counselors, and then they might tell someone, etc.
what periwinklepromise said about the culty stuff is true. the rabbit hole is endless and it’s easy to get sucked in. i spent months in it and only got snapped out of it by happenstance. you might want to talk to your family members/friends to convince them it’s not true, and while i’m not saying don’t do it, i am saying prepare to be disappointed. chances are that no amount of sources (even church approved sources!) is gonna hold up to them feeling that the church is true (because the spirit told them so).
in sharing your experiences with religion, be prepared for the “not all religions” and “not all mormons” comebacks, but you’re also going to meet people from other religions who’ve had very similar experiences, which is, imo, very validating. i feel like there’s comfortable solidarity between the mormon/exmormon subreddits and other subreddits, like excatholic, exjew, exjw, exmuslim, etc.
yup. all of this. i grew up partially in utah as a non-mormon, and most of my in-laws are mormon. just to add to the resources, an old friend of mine runs the podcast Ex-Mormon Bookclub, which provides a lot of perspectives on this stuff.
Love that knitting is just fidget stimming but you get a sock at the end
Starving to death this morning because ive been to the new local cafe twice this week already and if i go a third time ill look desperate.
Me: I like the goods and/or services you offer in exchange for my money
The cafe, in my head: lmao cringe, kill yrself buddy
The endlessly wailing siren of my social anxiety issues is probably not going to be silenced by the people in the comments pointing out that being a regular at a restaurant is a normal thing for people to be, but I do zero-sarcasm appreciate the attempt, is very kind!
I used to walk into [redacted nonpizza store] in my area and the guy behind the counter would immediately ask me if I wanted a pizza. truly I experienced the mortifying ordeal of being known as the pizza guy
compared to that being a regular at a normal cafe ordering normal breakfast items would be a real relief
Literally dread this scenario, to have your identity *reduced down* to a single item order, to be known as such a plebian with such a restricted palette that your order can be charted in advance, oh widdle ash wants his chicken tendies uwu.
I agree having a set breakfast order is more socially acceptable than a set pizza order. But its not enough; its never enough.
Though life update: i did just go to the cafe in the end. I compromised with my anxiety by ordering a sandwich instead of my typical bagel. It was fine but not as good.
on the flipside, we went to the same place for brunch a couple years, one time my buddy orders something new, and while he’s eating five different members of the wait staff stopped by to be like “did they bring you the wrong thing?”
This thread needs a trigger warning keep the horror stories coming
There was a bakeshop near my house that made soft ginger cookies and and macarons but only 2-3 good flavors. I walked in once and the cashier (who I definitely didn’t recognize) said “let me guess - ginger cookies and cookies-n-cream macarons, right?”
Needless to say, I never returned.
ranma-official
I once went to a McDonald’s, the cashier said “big mac combo meal and a chicken burger, right?” and I said “yeah” and then didn’t come back for two years
This entire genre of concern so fascinatingly foreign to me! the cafeteria pizza guy knows I want 3 slices of whatever veggie pizza he has, and he will have them ready for me without me having to say anything besides a quick murmured thanks, and he smiles when he sees me and starts to grab them, and it feels so good! to be known, even a little bit, to be a small constant in someone else’s life… there’s just something so beautiful and precious and good in that, for me.
gentlier
When I lived in [the city where I lived for undergrad] there was this place very close to my house with cheap and delicious lamb curry and the people at the counter knew my face and would start scooping the lamb curry into a bowl when they saw me come through the door. I thought this was lovely of them and always made sure to tip generously. Restaurant and regular is a mutually beneficial relationship.
Yeah there’s a bakery/cafe a few doors down from me and reaching the point where they a) remember my face/name and b) know my regular order meant that I can no longer get breakfast anywhere else ever.
Had the guy at the taco truck I routinely went to for lunch who asked me after a few years if I only ate burritos or something, no man I’m just don’t see the need to mix up my lunches.
As someone who’s been both front and back of house in various large and small food services: regulars account for roughly 40% of sales and thier consistency makes it easier to order supplies and keep stock levels stable.
As front of house my regulars were always a welcome sight, an easy serve and clear, a guaranteed a happy customer and pleasant interaction. Especially in diners or lunch spots where reliable turnover = tips and most people never come in more than once, having a familiar face who’s rhythms and tastes you recall makes the rest of your service work easier.
If you have any anxiety about being a regular somewhere just be sure to tip well, and you will magically transform from ‘pizza guy’ or ‘lamb curry dude’ to Beloved Favorite Regular and the servers will squabble to get you seated in thier section.
When I worked for Domino’s Pizza, there was a guy who ordered a pizza, without fail, on Thursday at 6pm. Until the day he didn’t.
One of our drivers was delivering nearby and decided to check on the guy. Turns out the guy got home, got most of the way through the door, and lost consciousness. (If memory serves, it was a diabetic episode.) Driver couldn’t revive him and called 911. Saved the guy’s life.
when i worked in a remote office when i started my job, i went to denny’s for lunch enough that i’d just walk in and a server would go “take a seat over there, I’ll be over with your iced tea to take your order in a moment”
Food service workers love their regulars, especially if you’re a good tipper and are polite, we literally look forward to seeing you every day. Also service workers don’t care if you order the same thing, and us remembering your order means we like you.
goldhornsandblackwool
^^^^
Also no we aren’t “boiling your personality down to an item/order”, you are. We are offering you preference recall and welcoming you and your *presence* does in fact correspond to our need to give you a certain order. It’s okay for that to happen.
For all my fellow social anxiety sufferers out there. Because my local coffee shop knows I always get iced coffee or a mocha and a biscotti and it stresses me the fuck out because I’m like “What if they think my order is dumb?? What if they’re like there she goes again stuffing her face with biscottis all the time” but nothing matters and a biscotti with your coffee in the morning really makes all the difference in what kinda day you’re gonna have.
I have pretty severe social anxiety, but there was a Chinese restaurant in [town I lived in for a few years] that made some of the very best egg drop soup, vegetable lo mein, and spring rolls. I ordered that every time I went there. They would seat me by a window in a quiet spot because they saw me put earplugs on when things got noisy.
Then I moved to a different but nearby town. I’m unable to drive (due to medical reasons) and public transportation didn’t go near the town. It was a year later, when I had a study group, that I was able to go there again. We had been taking turns for what restaurant we would eat and study at. We’d be there for hours, ordering several meals, and tip heavy, around 50%. Anyone one of us who couldn’t afford to eat or tip would be covered by the rest because several of my classmates were from wealthy families. They covered me more than once in exchange for drawings.
When it was my turn, we went to the Chinese restaurant. I walked in and they immediately knew who I was and what I favored. It was pretty dead in there, so we mostly had the place to ourselves. It ended up being a six course meal and five hours of studying and discussing the project. They brought me my favs as soon as they saw my plate or bowl was empty. The bill ended up at a little over $1k.
A couple months later, a friend took me there where we had a nice lunch after I finished my last exam. The owner approached our table and told me each of the students I had brought last time were now regulars. Some brought more people, and business was booming. They gave me a little card that said I would receive free meals for the next two years, as thanks for being a regular bringing in so many new people.
Before I moved across the country, I wanted to visit the place for a final meal before leaving. The place was closed with a sign that said “moved to new location.” The new location was near the university. So we went there, and the owner informed me that because so many of their new regulars were uni students, they moved. The place was easily 3x the size of their original. They told me it was always packed during meal times, and they now opened for breakfast with tradition Chinese breakfast foods. Business was booming, and all because of their regulars.
Being a regular is one of the very best compliments you can offer a restaurant, diner, meal trucks, etc. They love seeing you, especially if you tip well. I will likely never eat there again due to living more than 2500 miles away, but it feels good that my love for egg drop soup, vegetable lo mein, and spring rolls helped out a wonderful restaurant.
Be a regular. They love you.
I heard you told my parents you thought I was smart. Just knowing you said that was worth a thousand SATs points. WILL FRIEDLE AS ERIC MATTHEWS BOY MEETS WORLD (1993-2000)