this'll be fun to watch
idk i think it's so funny I went down a survival horror game rabbit hole when a) I'm too freaking anxious for horror games I will make myself cry, b) it was all PS2 stuff which is extra funny bc I've never even played on someone else's playstation let alone had one, i was always a wii kid lol. but now my brain is like ah yes. time to consume everything I can about games I can't even play and that are stupid expensive/hard to get now
#also i love that people draw jennifer from rule of rose and fiona from haunting ground together#they're just two girls with their dogs and in horrible situations and you know im glad they get to have dogs#any game where i get to have a pet is alright by me even if shit is otherwise majorly fucked#anyway. i do need to play pathologic. it's funny bc in theory it is really the kind of thing I'd like bc there's so much stuff to uncover#plus i think classic HD (which is the version i have) fixes the bad translation so it's not even like it's too hard to understand#at least only hard to understand in the intended pathologic-y way anyway#and i really really like the soundtrack#and everything I've watched and read about it is sick as hell (no pun intended) so i think the thing making me unable to get into it is the#actual experience of playing it. like it's funny how much of an asshole dankovsky is but that doesn't mean I *want* to play as an asshole#its funny the only time i really like playing that way is in skyrim bc im just. greenish elf that picks everyone's locks bc it was the first#thing i figured out and characters will just ???? let me fucking do it??? (i say having gotten arrested in whiterun like immediately)#i guess because I'm not invested in any of the characters yet because i havent had time to sit down and really play it#i guess that'd kind of be the way i play in lotro but that's more just me not interacting with other players#fun fact i think i still have one of the earliest fellowship quests sitting unfinished bc i can never form groups to finish them#i don't think I'll even ever get good at lotro though honestly#more just knowing what buttons to spam#idk i played hunter FOREVER but minstrel is really really growing on me#even though some of the skills are kinda wasted since i only ever play alone#anyway what was i talking about
I got distracted and watched like three video essays abt haunting ground and now I need to draw daniella so baddd she's so scary and interestingg
#she's obviously terrible but her character is so interesting to me#idk i end up feeling simultaneously like i hate her and also feel terrible for her#her lines about not being complete just hit like a punch to the stomach yknow#i think it's funny some of the most interesting games to me are ones I haven't played/can't play#though tbf i have no real way to play haunting ground#but i could play pathologic and i just don't lmao one of these days I'll give it another shot but damn i underestimated how not-fun it is#gotta love consuming things that are probably bad for my mental health lmao. i really thought the other night “i should reread punpun”#like NO. NO YOU SHOULD NOT!!
les miserables?? lesbians shouldn’t be sad that’s so fucked up
Do we have a franz kafka diary entry for july 1st, i want to know what he thinks!!!
rehearsing
happy too tired July everyone
Sorry I'm late, I got added to the Wild Hunt last night and ran and reveled with them for what felt like 100 years plus a day until I landed the killing blow on a stag with bronze antlers then suddenly woke in my bed, willow leaves in my hair, a nameless song echoing in my ears, and my hands still bloody, so yeah, totally missed my alarm and stuff.
#everytime i see this i think the secret history but the wild hunt is whst the bacchanal wishes it had been#yknow minus the human-murdery bit#everyone in that book was awful was my takeaway but also that running around in the woods would maybe fix me#something something forgetting who you are...like. i need that#just to scrub my brain clean of what i think i am and find out who is this person actually. who's this body i have to live inside#i got sidetracked. anyway
they're just my blorbos I came up with in my head when I couldn't sleep last night . elf anthropologist, hobbit genealogist and a dwarf who's an archaeologist. they're giant nerds and platonic soulmates imho like I think they drive each other crazy but also they definitely actually adore each other. As much as I didn't like rings of power I thought the thing with disa singing to the stones was a cool idea, so I like to think the archaeologist does something similar; in a sense, appealing to aulë like "hey can you help me move these rocks over that I'm unable to move/guide me towards where I'm supposed to go to find this object/structure,etc." I think that'd be cool. I already have more thought out about the hobbit because I've always had this extremely half-baked hobbit oc who honestly began as a self-insert, but I'm becoming attached to her--I think she has some complicated family drama/case of mistaken identity somewhere that gets her into looking into her family history, and even though hobbits are said to be really into that stuff, she hits a dead end. I like to think that's where she meets up with the elf, at least--idk where the elf is from yet originally, but in my head they're a bit of a vagabond, but will occasionally be seen around imladris, specifically in the library when they hit a dead end on something research-wise, and the elf, who I think of as kind of a recluse and not very social, comes out of their shell enough to go "hey maybe you should come with me next time I go back, you might find a new lead" sort of thing (i imagine at this point the hobbit's looking into something she won't find information on in the shire). I have more ideas about them but I'm too scatterbrained to go on about it rn
I've read a lot of fics that show elves being reborn into bodies that retain evidence of the things that happened to them in Middle Earth - like Maedhros being reborn with only one hand - and this makes sense. Their bodies are sites of trauma, and this will change them and they way they relate to their bodies so it makes perfect sense that they might return scarred or missing limbs.
But consider: the Valar do not understand Eru's children. They do not understand what it is to inhabit a body rather than simply wear one, do not understand the interrelation of body and self.
Finrod returns. There is joy, there is sorrow, there is confusion. He looks well enough but he keeps rubbing his hands over his wrists (he had pulled so hard against Sauron's shackles that there had been little skin left), over his throat (the memory of teeth sinking into his flesh screams at him, more vivid at times than the faces of his parents as they sit before him), over his face (claws drag through his cheek daily in his memory so where are the scars). Eventually he paints onto his body the scars he knows would have existed, and this at least stops him rubbing at them for fear of smearing paint all over himself. It is not enough, but at least he is still.
It seems grotesque to the Eldar of Aman who see only an obsession with past hurts, a playacting of injury, but Finrod is loved and so his eccentricity is tolerated. As more elves return, however, it becomes clear that this is not Finrod's trouble alone. Many take Finrod's lead, painting on their bodies the patterns of scars they remember and those they know they should have borne had they survived the attacks that killed them. Some wore eyepatches over eyes that had once been injured. Some walked with limps their new bodies did not need.
When Fingon returns he paints his whole body red. It is long before he speaks at all (his voice ought to be hoarse from shouting, scratchy and painful to use but no! - how does one reconcile the memory of being beaten to a bloody pulp in the mud with the perfect, unharmed body of one's youth?), and even then he will not sing.
Much, much later when Maedhros returns, he begs Fingon to cut his hand off again.
POV: You’re a Witch-King of Angmar and a tall blonde has suggested you leave her uncle alone.
Lórien (Irmo) Keeper of the Gardens of Dreams.
thank u brain for seemingly only giving me good ideas right before I fall asleep or when I'm in the shower or something. lying there half awake like "oh I've got a cool oc idea" like ok brain that's great how about we put that energy into sleeping
not feeling like a person lately tbh. Not in an elf way just in a depressed way I think
Maglor has no harp, Maglor needs no harp
genuinely and honestly I know I cannot solve all of the problems of the world etc but my friends who live in my phone please know that when you are having the horrors I am telepathically sending you a bowl of warm soup, a mug of hot cocoa, a cozy blanket, and a hug (if you want one) with my brain
Would love to see internet ppl stop quoting that "reject modernity, embrace tradition" thing as if it's some silly meme-able phrase and not an alt-right/fascist dogwhistle. Like it's barely even a dogwhistle it's pretty damn obvious what it's about when you think abt it for more than 5 seconds. Anyways cut that shit out
where the heather grows🍃
[Image ID: Fanart of Éowyn and Faramir from The Lord of the Rings. They are pictured from the waist up against a light green background with some branches of heather sprouting from behind them. Éowyn is hugging Faramir from behind. She has long blonde hair and is wearing a dark green dress. Faramir has black hair and is wearing a dark blue doublet. She rests her head on his shoulder. They are both smiling with their eyes closed, extending their arms out like they are reaching for each other’s hands. /End ID.]