if you´ll read this

hi. if you´ll read this I hope you're well. in fact I know you are - you're always fantastic. But I hope I´ll be well. I hope I got over you, of you finally getting over me. although I always wanted the very best for you I somehow never imagined it being without me, you being able to finally let go of me. I never got an explanation, answer, anything. I just know something changed that last summer morning before you left for good. something made you lose your obsession with me and I´m frightened that it's because the fantasy of me you have cherished for all these years has finally unraveled and left you quite unimpressed, bored, disappointed. me letting myself go in your arms has made you drift further away rather than making you fall for me harder. it's not my hurt ego, much more the fact that you getting to know me, my vulnerable self, made you fall out of love. seems like I´m not that desirable after all. well - in fact my heart isn't. my body, my lust, my passion on the other hand is. I felt you taking my body but not my soul. can it be so easy to let me go?

guess that's my destiny. nothing more fitting than an eternal predator getting hurt by it's former victim. I deserve it. I´m even glad that you got over me and reversed the game. I just wouldn't have thought that it would hurt quite as bad.I find myself thinking about you every second of every minute of every hour of every day. indescribable pain runs through my veins as soon as I see something remotely connected to you - your name, your car, songs, certain places, the sky ; I guess I just see you in everything I see. you are ubiquitous. and I need it to stop. since the day you left you took my happiness with you. no genuine smile has passed my lips. the only time I´m hopeful is when I imagine you pulling up that driveway and saving me from all my worries, escaping to Italy and living happily ever after.. you are indeed my prince on the white horse. but please - take me now and not in ten years. I won't make it. I thought I could, I thought that I don't need you since I survived so long without you. but ever since I got that heartwarming taste while cold wind was freezing the world around me I´m obsessively, helplessly, hopelessly - in love. I love you. I always have and always will. and I know I´ll never get over you. 

even though our paths seem to have parted I´m eternally grateful for have gotten to know you and your beautiful soul. I´ve never felt so understood, so worshiped, so loved. thank you. nevertheless - I´ll only be able to admire you from afar. I wish you nothing but pure joy and happiness. I hope you find the equivalent of what you are to me - a soulmate.

I love you l