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Dead Boy

@holden-ellis-blog

I’ve forgotten what your hand felt like in mine, maybe that’s why the rain feels so cold on my skin now
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bengifaldi
bengifaldi

Strange to think of you now In the back of a car, with another girl’s head inside my lap. Green and red and yellow lights– reflected on wet and blinking pavement. I can see your smile in those lights I can smell our old room, and feel your hips pressed into my waist. I can taste that first night in Buffalo again, cold rust, lusting, ice encrusted sidewalks, and aching love like bonepain. I found our memory in this downtown brick, summer rain, and I’ve been up all night, drinking. Beer soaked streets, the thrim and thrumming vibrating bass, floating like 21st century pollen in the air. Dreaming back two years, your face—and mine, accelerating toward apocalypse. I see a flower closing petals for the night. American cities, walking with cocaine around the edges of my nose, and I love the friends I’m with, but’m wondering what your hair looks like these days. Your legs walk across my mind, two years after; like a dream, or a withered plant, or a wrinkled bed that never existed.

topcas
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topcas
“remember the day you told me you loved me? did you mean it? did you breathe in and feel my love? we were everything, could’ve been everything more. two stars colliding in a deep, dark, universe unfolding light brillance passionately on fire. one touch and we could’ve lit the world. one kiss, one brush of skin on skin one more confession of love. remember the day you told me you loved me? it doesn’t matter if you meant it, because you don’t anymore and the stars have veered off, no longer on the same path no longer doomed to meet, no longer doomed for love. put your fire extinguisher away love, dont worry. the fire never started, never sparked. you’re safe now, don’t worry. put down the iron, you don’t need it. you are made of iron, of stardust, of love. remember the day you told me you loved me? remember the stars and the lights and the fire and the pain. don’t worry, i’m gone. goodbye goodbye goodbye but please breathe in and feel my love”

— i wrapped my arms around you but I held on too tight // m.g.

tirednlazy
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peachflows

“Some things, once you’ve loved them, become yours forever. And if you try to let them go, they only circle back and return to you. They become part of who you are.”

-Kill Your Darlings

holden-ellis-blog

nostalgia is a liar. nothing was ever as good as you remember it to be. there’s a reason you don’t talk to that person anymore, there’s a reason you’re not part of each other’s lives. don’t trust nostalgia. grieve. reflect. move on.

I miss you every fucking night, you’re everywhere, you have seeped into my bones and traipsed into my lungs, you are the air I breathe.