get his ass
having literally my second original tumblr post hit 3500+ notes is so fucking funny to me. feels like waking up from a coma in the middle of a packed football stadium. where am i. who are you people. why are you clapping for me.
I think reddit accidentally trained you to be the perfect tumblr funnyman. Welcome to tumblr, rock lee, let us just take off those ankle weights for you.
Imma say 3 things and 2 of them are true and one is false. guess
- I was a vegetarian for a few years in my teens
- I once set a school record in gym class
- I once watched the same movie 5 times in one week
It was high jump lol
Correct
The movie was Spider-Verse
Like 2 meters lmao I don't remember exactly but they said I was the best in the school. Wasn't a very big school tbf like 200 students or so
Is it weirder to have a taxidermjed deer head on your wall or a deer skull on your wall. And is this norm just or should it be the other way. Discuss
I think they're the same amount weird. The only thing is taxidermied deer head definitely implies you hunted it, whereas you could just find a skull in the woods (although the fact you're mounting it to the wall still suggests it's a trophy). So like, if you have a moral stance about hunting, whether it's taxidermied might alter its moral valence for you, but they're both only mildly weird.
Somebody mentioned in a tag on one of my posts the scene where Marco Animorphs is showering after antmageddon and he finds an ant stuck to his hip by the pincers where it presumably was trying to bite him in half when he was an ant and then it died from him becoming very big very fast and I feel like that scene, and the scene where Cassie finds a sliver of a sentient person’s flesh between her teeth while she’s flossing and then flosses until her gums bleed, really deserve recognition in the literary canon. Applegate deserves an award. There should be a TV Trope named after whatever the fuck that is. Like fridge horror but diegetic. Bathroom horror. Your bedtime bathroom routine as an opportunity for personal confrontation with the violent detritus of the dead which lingers in and on your body even after you have ostensibly stripped yourself of weapons and healed over all your wounds.
Applegate said I know that the adolescent experience involves a lot of being alone in a room (often but not always the bathroom) with your body and becoming aware of something incredibly alarming and, hear me out, what if that thing was either uncontrollable weirdly gruesome bodily metamorphosis or physical fragments of things and people you’ve killed. And whoever she was in a pitch meeting with said sorry lady I wasn’t listening to you but you can just put whatever you want in these books, no one cares as long as you meet deadline
you all need to be my minions i think it’d be wonderful if we made hope posting a trend on tumblr
an apocalyptic cult prophetically warning that the world won’t end, ever
it’s just going to keep going on like this, groans dismal prophet
apricops said: hooded figures chanting “no easy outs from this bullshit”
“you can quit the game, but the game keeps playing”
the Church of Grudging Resignation
maevariss
Apocalypse never
Apocalypse nowt
heretics in the corner whining about the heat death of the Universe
boybrdr-deactivated20230204
bro I’m too scared to jack off by myself you have to help me out dude
probably the hardest aspect of America for me to understand is “ranch” dressing
“The only evidence Kraftco had of what the term “ranch style” meant to the consumer of grocery products is obtained in February 1974 report of Qualitative Investigation of Usage and Attitudes Toward Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing, in which two focus group interviews in Los Angeles indicated consumer association with “ranch style” included larger quantity, like a dude ranch, or like cowboys. Prior to the project to compete with HVR, even Kraftco’s personnel had never heard of the term “ranch style.” PX 99; Tr. 341-342, 352, & 738; Beers Dep. 11; Powell Dep. 11; Swain Dep. 80-81.“
— Waples-Platter Companies and Great Western Foods Company v. General Foods Corporation and Kraftco Corporation, Civ. A. Nos. CA 4-75-112, CA 4-75-113.
“salad dressing that tastes of cowboys”
I’m getting close to the end of my BOTW adventures, it is making me reflect and giving me feelings I didn’t expect.
I cannot put into words how much I Fucking Loathe the fact that when you search something on youtube now it will randomly intersperse blocks of "people also watched" and "for you" into the results. That's not what I searched for, youtube. I typed in a search query because I wanted to see search results, not random unrelated garbage you have placed in my way apparently to either inconvenience me or force me to scroll further for actual results. I despise your wretched little games and every time I see it I can only instantly close the tab as I am overcome with the urge to burn something down.
"I despise your wretched little games" perfectly conveys how I feel about the entire algorithm/attention economy
God the entire idea of an "attention economy" is so fucking dystopian, but that's exactly what it is and it pains me
Did you guys know that the most recent version of sharks have fins that are kinda leg like and they like to walk up onto land?
no way i must have missed an update!
The Epaulette shark is only about 9 million years old as a species, making it the most recent branch in the shark family. And it is slowly but surely evolving into a land animal
LAND SHARK!
LAND SHARK!
WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HE COMES FOR YOU?!?!
the x files is funny because at the time it was “progressive” or whatever to have the ultra-rational, levelheaded character be a woman
but it’s also a show where all the fucked up alien shit actually is real, so she’s just constantly wrong about everything
What’s funny is how often they’re both wrong. Mulder will be like “the victims all had their livers scooped clean out this is obviously the aliens escalating from cattle mutilation” and Scully will be like “don’t be silly Mulder this is clearly just a serial killer who’s really good with surgical tools” and then it turns out the actual killer is an immortal sewer man who comes out ever quarterly century to feast on human liver.
I cannot stress enough that this is literally the plot of an actual episode
He should have a parenthesis around the 230-220 or else in the order of operations would default to 220x0.5, thus making the equation 230-110=120
that's the joke actually!
"5!" with the exclamation point is a factorial, so 5!=5x4x3x2x1=120
#ah. you are mother fucker?
2003: It sounds incredible, but in the future whole webpages full of images and videos will load in the blink of an eye.
2023: It sounds incredible, but text-only news articles used to load in the blink of an eye.
