it was the beginning of October and i always imagined we’d have the kind of love that doesnt wash away after one bad fight that we swear its nothing lets just stop talking about it. i should have known that one fight would be the ultimate toxic to our next 5 or 10 or even 50 i stopped counting. every fight i swore you’d wanna wash me out of your life and i hoped i wouldnt become a bad habit like your drugs. i wanted to be a good habit not one that ever made you sick. you and i, we’ve always been the kind to avoid our problems and disagree on about everything. you consumed my every thought, and i became a puppet under your control and i thought once i got away you would not be able to hold on to my strings, it’s as if the farther i pushed you away you held on to me even tighter. i wanted the kind of love that no one could talk you out of, not your family or your friends. i guess its funny how the thoughts in your brain show up on your skin and leave bruises in places you thought you’d never be able to hurt yourself, but i guess it felt better to get so drunk i couldnt walk straight than to have to remember how we ended up here. i left you way to many times thinking i was done but just like a bad drug i needed you at every single time i told myself i cant take it anymore just please come back. i thought i was addicted to vodka because it made you go away for a little bit, but when i was hungover instead of spinning in circles i was dialling your number so many times i swear ive memorized your voicemail. i still remember the night i called you and told you it was over, but i called you right back, i couldnt breathe and you said that you’d be right over a few hours passed and at 3am on an october morning the minus 15 weather was the last thing i was complaining about, i barely felt the cold, the tears from my eyes were warming me up. once you showed up, you smelled like coconut but i always wore vanilla and i dont wear red lipstick im into pretty pinks, so i knew when you said you’d you be right over it was going to be right after you’re done fucking her.
