girl help the eldritch horrors are organising a pride and prejudice party and making us dance to mirror their forbidden and repressed love. yes there is a michael jackson thriller video reenactment outside trying to get in. no yeah i still want that rare doctor who annual
the fact that Crowley is not just kind of a shtty demon but has actually been a traitor to Hell since, at least, 2500 BC, the Job job. Crowley is likely the reason Satan lost that bet with Heaven - Sitis was about to curse God for killing her children, and for all anyone knows, Job would have followed suit. That's 4500 years before Crowley signs the antichrist contract and then immediately actively tries to stop Hell's armageddon attempt. At least four thousand, five hundred years of being a secret traitor to Hell while he lied about nearly everything he did, sometimes saved humans from damnation, and also, loved an angel. Jfc Crowley.
Imagine you had to larp as an evil demon and everyone thought you were bad even though you can’t exactly remember what you did wrong but it must’ve been very bad and if you don’t keep pretending to be evil then you will get tortured or worse. So you keep on playing the game and actually while larping you kind of do hurt people even though you try to minimise the hurt. And through the years, an estimated 6,000 years by the way don’t worry this isn’t about anyone in particular, you meet someone who’s larping as an absolute good person but along the way you find out that hey, they’re not always sure what the right thing is, and you’re not always sure what the wrong thing is anyway, and maybe you can sometimes meet up, and hang, but never touch, never say you’re friends, never admit what feels good. You’re both the two biggest imposters on earth. And you are terrified constantly, of asking too much, of being too much, absolutely terrified. These are thoughts i have about good omens, comedy
A conversation that probably most definitely happened before filming season 2:
Neil Gaiman: Okay Michael, this season we want to start a slow burn sequence of Aziraphale’s personality coming out. Let’s keep it loose, ambiguous
Michael Sheen: I hear you loud and clear
Aziraphale:
did you ever consider becoming a literary writer rather than a fantasy writer? w
I don’t think I ever wanted to be anything more than a storyteller and a writer. Other people can decide where the books get shelved.
@eurphrasie That felt rude. Since when is fantasy not literature?!
You know, It’s kind of fitting that It was Sir Terry Pratchett himself who answered this question in an interview, just going to paste this up real fast:
O: You’re quite a writer. You’ve a gift for language, you’re a deft hand at plotting, and your books seem to have an enormous amount of attention to detail put into them. You’re so good you could write anything. Why write fantasy?
Pratchett: I had a decent lunch, and I’m feeling quite amiable. That’s why you’re still alive. I think you’d have to explain to me why you’ve asked that question.
O: It’s a rather ghettoized genre.
P: This is true. I cannot speak for the US, where I merely sort of sell okay. But in the UK I think every book— I think I’ve done twenty in the series— since the fourth book, every one has been one the top ten national bestsellers, either as hardcover or paperback, and quite often as both. Twelve or thirteen have been number one. I’ve done six juveniles, all of those have nevertheless crossed over to the adult bestseller list. On one occasion I had the adult best seller, the paperback best-seller in a different title, and a third book on the juvenile bestseller list. Now tell me again that this is a ghettoized genre.
O: It’s certainly regarded as less than serious fiction.
P: (Sighs) Without a shadow of a doubt, the first fiction ever recounted was fantasy. Guys sitting around the campfire— Was it you who wrote the review? I thought I recognized it— Guys sitting around the campfire telling each other stories about the gods who made lightning, and stuff like that. They did not tell one another literary stories. They did not complain about difficulties of male menopause while being a junior lecturer on some midwestern college campus. Fantasy is without a shadow of a doubt the ur-literature, the spring from which all other literature has flown. Up to a few hundred years ago no one would have disagreed with this, because most stories were, in some sense, fantasy. Back in the middle ages, people wouldn’t have thought twice about bringing in Death as a character who would have a role to play in the story. Echoes of this can be seen in Pilgrim’s Progress, for example, which hark back to a much earlier type of storytelling. The epic of Gilgamesh is one of the earliest works of literature, and by the standard we would apply now— a big muscular guys with swords and certain godlike connections— That’s fantasy. The national literature of Finland, the Kalevala. Beowulf in England. I cannot pronounce Bahaghvad-Gita but the Indian one, you know what I mean. The national literature, the one that underpins everything else, is by the standards that we apply now, a work of fantasy.
Now I don’t know what you’d consider the national literature of America, but if the words Moby Dick are inching their way towards this conversation, whatever else it was, it was also a work of fantasy. Fantasy is kind of a plasma in which other things can be carried. I don’t think this is a ghetto. This is, fantasy is, almost a sea in which other genres swim. Now it may be that there has developed in the last couple of hundred years a subset of fantasy which merely uses a different icongraphy, and that is, if you like, the serious literature, the Booker Prize contender. Fantasy can be serious literature. Fantasy has often been serious literature. You have to fairly dense to think that Gulliver’s Travels is only a story about a guy having a real fun time among big people and little people and horses and stuff like that. What the book was about was something else. Fantasy can carry quite a serious burden, and so can humor. So what you’re saying is, strip away the trolls and the dwarves and things and put everyone into modern dress, get them to agonize a bit, mention Virginia Woolf a few times, and there! Hey! I’ve got a serious novel. But you don’t actually have to do that.
(Pauses) That was a bloody good answer, though I say it myself.
Have to say I agree with the man.
It’s the casual death threat for me
Rude ass interviewer who also doesn’t know what they’re talking about: “I mean, you’re obviously a clever man, so why bother with this lowly fantasy drivel.”
Sir Terry Pratchett: “I’ll break you in half like a stick.”
@vaysh11 <3
this should be written somewhere in eighty-foot-tall letters of fire, or possibly in very tiny letters on a business-card-sized bit of paper one can hand to someone when they ask that question. Here’s your bit of paper, go away.
That was Our Ter at his best. :)
the customer is (never) right
based on this:
Today, on this fateful day in sex ed, I have to teach 25 9th graders how to put condoms on wooden dicks without losing my composure. Wish me luck lmao
Now to find a way to discreetly transport this entire drawer to the other side of the building...
Today went well overall. Lots of great conversations took place alongside some... very silly ones lmao.
Here are some highlights from this morning’s lesson:
Me: *removes the wooden dicks from my bag and slaps them on the table*
Students collectively: o_O
That one student: nice
—
Me: *demonstrating how to put on a condom*
Also me: *puts it on wrong the first time, even though I practiced twice beforehand* So everyone, here we see what not to do. Let’s try that again
—
Me: *finished demonstration, holding a sheathed wooden dick* so what questions do we have about condoms before I unleash you all to practice on the models?
Student: *raises hand* yeah, I’m wondering how you’re feeling about your life choices up until this point?
Me: o-o
—
Student 1: *raises hand* miss, why are the condoms so... slimy?
Me: thats lubricant, it helps get rid of friction that might cause discomfort during intercourse.
Student 2: *raises hand* can you use lube on a slip and slide?
Me: *genuinely considering the possibility*
—
*during a conversation about excuses people have heard for not wearing condoms*
Student 1: I had a guy tell me he was too big to fit in a condom
Me: *opens a condom, puts entire forearm inside and pulls it up to my elbow* here’s why that’s not true
Student 2: I once saw a video of somebody that put an entire watermelon in a condom before, so unless that dude’s got a watermelon shlong, that’s cap.
Me: *slowly losing composure behind my mask* you have the right idea, but let’s refrain from using the word ‘shlong’ in class, please.
—
Me: what are some ideas of things we can say to people who try to pressure you into having unprotected sex?
Student 1: tell them you don’t want their penis cooties!!
Student 2: penis cooties? Pretty sure that’s just herpes
Me, internally: like... you’re not wrong
—
Me: alright everyone, time to return the wooden models up front. Remove the condoms by firmly grasping the base of the model and sliding it off. Don’t forget to throw it away please!
Student 1: FIRMLY GRASP IT
Student 2: idk if I can return it now, miss. I’ve become attached to mine(the wooden dick)
Student 3: yeah, most men are
Me: *trying to keep a straight face*
—
Student 1: miss, why are the wooden dicks so shiny when you take the condom off
Me: oh, that’s just the lubricant from the condom.
Student 2: so you know you put the condom on right if your dick is shiny after?
Student 3: yeah! If your dick is shiny, you’re doing it right
Me: *trying to keep my composure pt. 36716159* uh, yeah that’s not necessarily the case. You see, these models are wooden. Penises are not.
Student 3: then why is it called morning wood?
Me: *internally self destructs*
—
Me: *casually wiping off the lube from wooden dicks w/ a paper towel before returning them to my bag* so what questions do we have about the use of contraception?
Student: miss can you please not make eye contact with us while you do that?
he may be fucked up, but i gotta tell you he has excellent tits
having friends notably older than you is fantastic actually, cause you can drop in a little mention of how old you would have been at the time of a story they tell and watch the existential crisis set in
gotta say i don't like how many "how to pass ftm" guides are straight up just like. be monotone and uninterested and don't engage in your "feminine" hobbies and don't wear bright colors and don't be polite and don't smile at people and don't show emotion ever. like how precisely is this a healthy thing to be teaching people (especially the young people these are often targeted at)??? i am a bubbly boy. a cheerful chap. a merry man. a good-humored guy. a glowing gent. a veritable ray of fucking sunshine and i am NOT toning that down!!!! fuck you!!!!!!!
yes!!! you absolutely can!!!!!!! our political oppressors want us at best downtrodden to the point of self-imposed invisibility and at worst DEAD so the best thing YOU can do is be loudly, riotously, joyously trans!!! our happiness is both a weapon against those that seek to destroy us and a shield against everything they throw our way. go spread love and joy and transsexuality <333
Can't wait to find out if:
- The crew of the Revenge attacked a ship that happened to have a wedding happening on it and Ed was like "this is awakening feelings in me"
Or
- Ed was like "I am going to hunt down any motherfucker who thinks they can have their perfect happy ending to their love story while I, God's specialest boy, suffer."
"BREAKING: We just filed a Federal Trade Commission complaint, calling for an investigation into Mastercard’s policies discriminating against online sex workers."
YOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, I don't care what you think about porn - you should still be supporting the ACLU in this. Because it meant that EVERY WEBSITE had to make sure no one was selling art that ANYONE called sexy, or risk being unable to process credit cards.
And enforcement was completely haywire. One person might get their account blocked because a bra strap showed, while another person showed closeups of genatilia with no problem. No one has EVER came up with a way to moderate this in a cost-effective way, so it is all based on user complaints and AI - and both overwhelmingly target minority artists. It is pretty easy for male-female porn to sneak by unreported, but two guys kissing fully clothed? Or a black swimsuit model showing a bit more cleavage than some asshole thought was appropriate?
And of course big name movie and game companies could include all sorts of sexy content in mainstream media while even a hint of it got the little independent guys banned.
On top of that, a lot of EDUCATIONAL material got taken down. Want to know what different STDs look like? How to treat an injury to the groin?
A lot of ancient art got blocked too. A lot of cultures - including most of Europe for a long time! - don't have the nudity taboos modern America has, and a lot of the best, most technically skilled and historically important art has - gasp! - nipples bared and cocks out. For most of history, that was not a big deal.
It is still extraordinarily easy to access porn, so the ban did nothing except make it harder for independent artists to survive, in every form of media, and make it more difficult for people to check the health of their bodies.
(Last but not least, I am of the opinion that it is very healthy for people to know what all sorts of different bodies look like, and sexual desire is perfectly natural and does not need to be hidden like it is shameful. I know that is controversial. But even if you think people should never see anyone naked except their wife or husband, it should still be very obvious that this policy did a lot of harm and zero good.)
The other issue here is that a bank has no business telling you how you may spend or earn your money. Today they're saying you can't use a MasterCard to buy or sell sex pictures; if they're allowed to do that, what other lawful business transactions might they choose to forbid? Buying birth control? Gender-affirming undergarments? Books with accurate information about human reproduction? Or books that accurately describe the origins of life, or the history of the United States?
(Or, in the unlikely event that you, Tumblr-reader, are of the other persuasion, guns? Small bottles of distilled water masquerading as medicine? Political donation to Donald Trump? These are all things I, personally, don't think you should spend your money on, but I think we can agree that the bank shouldn't be allowed to unilaterally say that you can't.)
Source: twitter.com
"If any harm comes to Aziraphale because of this, I... Ah, it doesn't matter now. It's too late. It's always too late." hits AS HARD as "nothing lasts forever" to me
Yup. It’s a resignation to fate. The time in Hell, according to Crowley’s watch in the book, is always Too Late.