I still have agonizing periods where I wonder whether I actually believe or if I'm just going through the motions. But I always try to snap myself out of them by saying "Why would I bother going through the motions if I didn't believe?"
"Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
-C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters (Screwtape, a demon, calling God "The Enemy")
As someone who has experienced some dark nights this is very comforting
When I don't feel much or anything from God (which is most of the time, tbh) I just think/pray the word "serviam."
"I will serve."
It's the opposite and inverse of what Satan said, "non serviam," "I will not serve."
Some days that's all I got, but that's all God needs some days.
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