I LOVE GENERATION LOSS!!!!

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

We’ll find you Amanda.

this has almost 11 million notes what is this

I’ve never seen this post once in 10 years on this site

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I’ve never even heard of this before tho??? Wtf??????????

oh my god, I didn’t think there were any surviving versions of this post left

For those who weren’t around in the Deep Lore times, this is one of the relics of the editable post era. This post has THE SINGLE HIGHEST NOTES of ANY post on this site, bar none, but with more than a dozen variations. Every single post you’ve ever seen with more than 3 million notes has been a different version of this one.

This is the “Dean’s Gym Shorts” post. This is the Flubber post. This is the original “Reblog if you support gay people” post. it was ALL of them. before half the site got nuked, it had even more notes than it has now - at one point, well over 15 million, and that was years ago.

This, with no exaggeration, is the ONE TRUE heritage post

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

I find it funny silly that 0 people said trumpet

Also french horn woo yeah thats what its all about

Why they called cookies if you bake em

Because then you can cook bacon, obviously

If you turn your back on a beagle for ten seconds you'll turn around and it will be named Buddy all of a sudden and it will be 400 years old. Easily 9 out of 10 beagles are named Buddy or Buster or Bucky and are exploring bold new horizons of absolute decrepitude. Beagles are either puppies or they look like they drank from the wrong grail, there's no in between. Real phenomenon.

Collecting all of your fucked up godforsaken beagles like rare and fragile ancient scrolls

What is happening

Philza S4 Lore Presentation

AKA the presentation I gave my roommates during Infodump Night

under a read more because this girlie is LONG

Keep reading

Your mental illness is so wonderful, this was awesome

trying to decide if i'd rather be a tortoise or a turtle. on the one hand I prefer dry land, on the other hand turtles can breathe out of their cloacae so. it's tricky

hmm have you considered something like a snapping turtle? can live on dry land if it wants to and just go to the water for a nice splash splash

that'll work

so we have these in North Carolina and they are Menaces (note the capital M) but not in the way that you would think. no. you don’t step into a pond and go “ouchie my foot, a snapping turtle bit me.” (they’re actually very friendly in water so long as you don’t bother them). no no, these fuckers LOVE scorching hot concrete. and they’re BIG.

Most commonly you’ll see one chilling in the middle of the road like a little goomba waiting to wreck your car tire. So you gotta stop and move them which involves awkwardly lugging this flailing, hissing turtle well off the road and into the forest where you pray it will stay.

Now, I know they’re called snapping turtles, and they do snap, WHICH IN ALL DUE FAIRNESS is BAD for the person moving the turtle out of the road.

BUT.

THEY HAVE CLAWS.

Remember when I said “flailing”?

Yeah, it’s easy to avoid the beak but it is NOT easy to avoid those feet. they will fuck you up with their sword-feet.

So, my advice, as a North Carolinian, on moving snapping turtles off roads: Let someone else do it :)

And hey! If i wanted to be a turtle, i’d pick this one! no one’s messing with me!

no one.

Beautiful.

@willowbane are these things of a size where a snow shovel might be a useful implement of hazard-removal? I assume it'd have to be a real heavy-duty one, not one of the flimsy little collapsible popsicle sticks that are what most people have stashed in the back seat footwell somewhere...

*ahem*

To answer your question, here is the following:

i did some research and the research says… maybe???

while this would probably work better from a safety standpoint…

…no one in North Carolina keeps a snow shovel in their vehicle (we're southern, please forgive us). also, snapping turtles are still kinda squishy, at least their legs are, so i would be concerned about cutting the turtle while scooping it since decent snow shovels are usually made of metal and are pretty sharp.

Instead, here is a helpful guide on how to pick up a snapping turtle:

So. You have encountered a turtle…

…and it is filled with the burning rage of a thousand suns because, dear god, you, mortal flesh pod, have decided to move it from its Sunny Spot™️

Question is, how does one go about doing this?

Well, friend, first you approach the turtle from BEHIND (to avoid the beak, chase after it, etc, etc)

You’ve made it this far so now you’re going to want to pick this bad boy up.

In order to avoid walking away from this looking like you just fought with a rotating sphere of knives, pick up the turtle towards the back of its shell but in front of the hind legs:

Then, you’re going to pick the turtle up and lug it across the road in the direction it was facing/walking. They know where they’re going, they have turtle instincts. Trust the turtle instincts.

Now, it is important that you’re only picking this turtle up a few inches off the ground because 1) they are very heavy and if you drop it, you only want it falling a few inches and 2) there’s just less flailing if they can see the ground.

after awkwardly shuffle-walking to the curb, set the turtle down (gently) and watch it waddle into the undergrowth!

You did it!

Thank you for the helpful guide! This is almost completely right except for one very important thing: if you absolutely have to pick up the turtle, please make sure you do so by gripping the underside of the shell and support the body as well. As you note, snapping turtles are squishy and heavy and just gripping the top shell can put undue stress on the joints where the bottom shell joins and it can separate causing damage and pain.

Also pro tip: keep heavy leather work gloves in your car and use them. It won't stop them from biting (they can bite your finger clean off) but it will help protect against the claws and give you more confidence in your grip.

i'm STILL not over

#Tortoises are a type of turtle

MOTHER FUCKER WHAT

On the topic of tortoises did you know that some tortoises can breath through their butthole

scroll back up and read the first paragraph of this post

Ayden is coo l

Not a true statement this is a lie and a scam

Uno reverse. Destroyed. So wrong. I am SO cool

no :]

Ayden is coo l

Not a true statement this is a lie and a scam