You’ve heard of Grand Theft Auto, now get ready for

stealy wheely automobiley

me watching my own snapchat story: she is so damn funny i love her 

when you open a text just to get rid of the notification 

they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because I keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it

*plugs phone into computer to charge* yes my child, drain the life from your superior,

me

OMG THAT THIRD TIME THO

me all the time

imagine having foreign relations like this.

relationship goals

The Government spying on me: this bitch does nothing

me thinking about the continuous progression of time

cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you

me: yeah he was not very friendly

it’s so weird that we call our loved ones things that we eat sugar… pumpkin… honey… baby…

How do u get Tumblr to stop showing u ads for that game where poorly animated heterosexuals make bad life decisions?

AT LAST

Me

my bank account says I need a job but my mental health says i need to sleep all day and never leave my bed