Unicorns Dont Lie

It took Oscar Wilde like 65K words to say this exact thing.

Lego Swimming Pool Layout

#oh this place is HAUNTED haunted

NOW it’s serious

This is the supernatural equivalent of going to the doctor and they keep pulling specialists in the room to go, “wow, I’ve never seen THAT before”

See, in the correct genre and the correct context these are all absolutely brilliant.

These could be Douglas Adams quotes.

@billy-babe

Making Miniature waves

Haciendo olas en miniatura/maqueta

had a fight with a partner yesterday where I was completely in the wrong, so today when we met up again to discuss it, I bought flowers (one reddish rose, one white blossom, two blue blossoms) beforehand

and presented it with the rest of my apology, in an embarrassed monotone, because by all accounts this should not work to affect his emotions at all, and I was doing this in a kind of "hopefully this alien ritual works to convey my earnestness because I don't have a lot of additional vectors for it... sorry if you perceive it as a ridiculous and ineffective bit of bribery" way

the presence or absence of flowers seems orthogonal to my internal state (e.g. contrition, probability of future improvement). they're not a useful gift. they're not zero signal of caring, but it's a low barrier to entry signal. getting flowers is not difficult or very expensive

but he said it worked! I grilled him about it. here are my findings.

he said that the flowers reduced his anger to 60% of initial anger when he walked in through the door

I asked whether more flowers would have worked better. he said a full bouquet (probably 20 flowers?) would have been noticeably better, but the curve goes flat after that.

I asked him how much 20 flowers would have reduced his anger, and he said to 45%. so here's a graph extrapolation (that does not account for non-flower factors like the quality of the apology)

i think at some point it should go back up. like you've bought an inconvenient number of flowers to the point of insincerity

"what the hell am i going to do with 1000 flowers. I'm now equally as mad about a second thing"

yeah you guys are right. here's the new graph

autumntides

10h

"In the instance an employer makes an illegal request for a photograph as part of a job application, you may submit a complaint to the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission." Successful violation fee collections are paid partially to the one who suffered the violation, which in many cases exceeds a year of work at these shit jobs. There's only two weak points to a corporation, and those are in the budget and in the supply chain. Hit them where it hurts.

Fucking word.

Learn your rights!

AUTO REBLOG IN CASE YOU MISSED THIS THE 1ST TIME AROUND.  It is important to KNOW YOUR RIGHTS.

Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.

Monster that feeds on suffering becomes a professional caretaker for people with chronic pain and terminal illnesses. They can't change the fact that these people are suffering, but they help a bit and in the meantime they're fat and happy off that Sweet Sweet ambient pain in the air.

Two towns over there's a demon lord trying to get their cult to abduct people for torture, but they keep getting stopped by heroes and the like, so they're barely scraping by. Meanwhile Belogarth the Registered PCA is chowing down on back pain, medication side effects and looming mortality for eight hours a day and has become the most powerful demon on earth without realizing it.

"But don't their clients feel weird knowing that they're feeding off their suffering?" No they think it's hilarious and they're real shits about it.

Finally a medical professional who believes that they are in pain. Because the fucker is actively chowing down on your agony. Not only am I going to get treated by them I'm going to invite all of my chronically ill friends to come as well.

Turns out if you treat the pain then the humans will bring you more humans who are suffering. It's like a restaurant where the waiter is so impressed by your ability to eat food they're giving you more on the house

They say things like "well, it's a real feast day for Belogarth today!" and "if my meds are held up at customs again I'm gonna put Belogarth in a food coma" and Belogarth is the one feeling weird about it

The Demon King dies and by tradition, the strongest demon is to take his place. All the big bad demon lords go to the demon seer or whatever (I dunno) to determine the strongest and are surprised that it's some rando they've never heard about whose kingdom isn't on any map and seems to consist of a single assisted living facility. They go to crown him the Demon King and are directed to a tired-looking man counting out pills and pouring juice who just looks at them and says, "we are WAY too understaffed for me to take on out-of-work hobbies right now."

Astronomic Ring (I found it HERE)

TY FOR FINDING IT OP!!!

I owe op my life for finding the astronomical ring.

I forgot I made a couple of mini vine compilations when they announced the end of vine

i don’t know how vine so perfectly encapsulated the best of humanity but that was a weird time

Tumblr is weird because this comment lets me know that I saw this once, documented my witness in an addition in 2017 by the time stamps, haven’t seen it since, and it comes at my dash again with 171k notes, after I’ve forgotten it, giving a puzzling effect of being hit in the face by a high speed swan but the swan is myself just temporally displaced

I am in tears

If these tags are correct, then yes it looks like they did just about everything wrong!

@billy-babe

we are gonna be vacuuming up this post for the next five years

I am abt to lose my fuckin mind because I happened upon this gender reveal party. and like it’s soo over the top expensive

And like I’m like. Oh great, a horse themed gender reveal party.

complete with like … just truly excessive foods and of course, themed cocktails

and this sign which like… the fragility of like *not* italicizing the word ‘colt’. Like imagine being this weird abt gender

with like, a bucket that eventually ‘revealed’ the gender

But like… the picture that really just completely undid me, for this party which surely was more money than many weddings -

it’s not a horse themed gender reveal party. It’s a gender reveal party FOR A HORSE. I can’t even like imagine the life that would lead to hosting a gender reveal party for a not-yet-born horse. Think abt getting an invitation to this. the cis are at it again.

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE READ ALL DAY

well this was a wild ride from start to finish

I knew before I googled that this was gonna be California and I was Not disappointed. The horse is TA Jullyens Lillyanna, she is an exceptionally fancy purebred Arabian.

https://www.varianarabians.com/recent-sales/ta-jullyens-lillyanna.html

Her price tag was $Car. $20k if I had to guess.

And the real kicker?

The revealed gender was wrong. #youhadonejob

you cannot make this shit up; horse people are, truly, Just Like That.

I AM SCREAMING

Short post of paleontologists absolutely slaying photo shoots with their discoveries. Please add more such images if you have them.

Here’s some bon(e)us ones: José Bonaparte with Carnotaurus and (the late) Jorge Calvo with a lower jaw of the largest described Giganotosaurus. 

(1st photo by Louie Psihoyos, 2nd photo from Calvo's Twitter)

Khishigjav Tsogtbaatar and the arms of Deinocheirus

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

Then bring me luck

the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work

A code status is what you want the hospital to do if your heart or breathing stops, and we've got two basic options: full code which means we do EVERYTHING and Do Not Resuscitate or DNR which means we do less than everything. There's like little add-ons like intubated or not intubated, or blood products or no blood products, but that's basic gist of it. Do you want us to try everything we can to save your life or if your heart stops, is that it? And then we take that information and put it in your chart and make it very prominent in case we need to find it quickly in an emergency. Jane Doe, 72 years old, DNR. John Whatsisname, 49 years old, full code. Like that.

Anyway I'd like to propose a third code status that we'll call "DNR!!!" This is when you not only don't want heroic measures to extend your life, you are so excited to die. I thought of this recently when getting report on a patient, and the day nurse talking to me was like, "Alice Smith, 80 years old, DNR and she will tell you that herself." And I was like, "I don't think code status is gonna come up organically," and the nurse was like, "It won't, but she'll tell you anyway." And then I introduced myself to the patient, and like three minutes in as we're talking about pain meds, she goes, "and by the way, when I'm dead, I'm DEAD. Don't be bringing me back! Every woman in my family has lived past 90, and I'm here to break that tradition! NO one needs to live that long, and I certainly don't, and frankly it's indecent for me to have made it this far. God willing the reaper will come for me any day now. I would never take actions to make him come sooner, but I'm not moving that fast and he is DAWDLING. Disgusting. No work ethic these days. And don't bother with a grave, just chuck me out the window and let the birds at me."

And I'm like "so is that a no to the tylenol"

And she was like "oh no, I'd love some tylenol and a warm blanket too. Now look at me. I've done everything I could possibly want to do in this world and quite a few things I didn't want to do, and personally I don't think I should have to keep doing things. I'd also love a cranberry juice."

Anyway. DNR!! I'm sorry to say she made it through the night completely unscathed.