just got a weighted blanket fellas, i’ll keep you updated

update 1: heabvy

update 2: confy

just a boar in a stoar

it’s fucked up that firemen are always standing around shirtless with their defined muscles coated in glistening oil. like oil’s flammable idiots

it’s called building an immunity moron

ah yes i was looking for a soap dispenser labeled “ketchup” with a picture of grapes

I really want this bottle in my bathroom. I’d place it next to matching decorative soaps and towels as if it seems like it fits, but I’ll actually fill the thing up with ketchup. So when I have guests over and they decide to use the bathroom, they will see this bottle and have a moment of cognitive dissonance, “This [Soap Bottle] in the [Bathroom] is labelled [Ketchup], so surely it must dispense [Soap] instead of [Ketchup] despite the label saying [Ketchup] right?” and then let them have a moment of realization followed by abject horror as they pump viscous ketchup all over their hands instead of soap

moment of genuine kinship with the man who noticed me applying lip chap while bagging my groceries as he took out his lip chap and applied as he walked by

truly the most genuine moment of compassion with a strange man has been when he met my eyes and motioned his lip chap in a cheers motion. forever my brother in arms

think i might be lonely

my sister’s birthday is tomorrow and im going to staples to see if i can make wrapping paper out of this

we built this city…

Unholy post

open rp

“hmm. I have never been to an olive garden before.”

unlimited super salad.

hmm.

unlimited super salad.

god evening sir my name is benny ill be your wai*

Optimus? I thought you were dead.

benny?

…

you have to let me go, benny.

the crash was 4 years ago.

it wasn’t your fault.

Hey, you. You’re finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there.

when baby cats haven’t learned to be baby cats yet and don’t respect the foot scoot thing

this is. too fucking dumb for me not to do. @yungterra

look at these ᵇᵘᵐᵖˢ u got ᵉˣᵐᵃ?

do I got ʷʰᵃᵗ ?

u got ᵉ ᵉᵉˣˣᵐᵃ ??

me: *is bored for 0.5 seconds*

me: i wanna learn how to work wood. i need to build a boat

She’s getting so much love and it’s what she deserves

a list of current immortals

I feel like this list is forgetting Sir Patrick Stewart who I believe has not aged since 7000 BCE.. After all his twin brother was the Kennewick man..

as a self-appointed expert on Hozier, i would say that date is possibly accurate.  

many of Hozier’s songs reference being buried in the earth (In a Week, Work Song), and some are directly inspired by bog bodies (Like Real People Do, Run). two of the most famous Irish bog bodies, Old Croghan Man and Clonycavan Man, are dated between 392 and 175 BCE, and both are speculated to have been kings ritually sacrificed to the goddess of the land. in Take Me to Church, Hozier demonstrates a willingness to offer sacrifices to a goddess, and in Foreigner’s God, he thinks fondly upon the image of a pre-Christian Ireland (“when the land was God-less and free”). as well, Old Croghan Man is estimated to have been about 6′6, and Hozier is about 6′5. 

the only possible flaw in this theory is that in a Facebook Q&A (here at 5:28), Hozier says that he is over 3000 years old. 400 BCE only puts him at ~2400. it could be that after so many years he’s lost track of how many thousands, but another possibility is that he is more contemporaneous with an older bog body, the Cashel Man, also presumed to be a sacrificed king. that would put him closer to 4000 than 3000, but again, we could forgive an immortal for getting his millenia wrong.

in any case, it seems likely to me that Hozier is an ancient Irish king who was ritually sacrificed to the old gods, but somehow returned (possibly through intervention by said old gods) to give us music subtly hinting at his experiences.

this hozier addition is frighteningly detailed and I’m here for it