me, my brain having been scrambled by hockeys: 867-5309, is this, is this something???

like okay, wait, I know this one, Jack Hughes, that's...okay, next we got....Ryan Reaves? Never heard of him, but seems to activate some people, I do like the Wild, you can stay. Henrik Lundqvist???, I guess, why not, handsome, and then rounding it out with Jack Eichel, interesting, this makes me feel like I have gone insane.

It is ALSO how I found out about this very useful hockey sweater reference page, and ALSO how I realized that you could swap out Ryan Reaves and get Aaron Ekblad and Brady Tkachuk in this story, and that would really just be the beginning of it. ANYHOW:

Choke, a story about the Connor McDavid Experience, is complete now and the real reason to post a story that is barely 8k story in dribs and drabs while you run around frantically making little tweaks because you can’t leave it alone but also you’re on a self-inflicted post every morning deadline is to watch at minimum one person go from “oh huh hockey I don’t know anything about that” to “okay I’m watching the playoffs and I think I have a favorite team???” in the space of six days.

And also for the consensus that the hottest part of any sex scene is where a man is trying to get a bottle of lube open.

Chapters: 1/6 Fandom: Men's Hockey RPF Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid Summary: “Maybe I don’t want my dick sucked,” Connor said reflexively, as Leon racked the barbell with a clatter, heaved a breath, a half laugh, and said, “Speak for yourself.”

ALSO the summary of this story, because, yes, I CAN imagine

everyone else is just going into the edit window for an old story and copying the em-dash and then doing the old find-replace, right? everyone else is just copying over the same fucking code for a table that they wrote twenty years ago when they handcoded a whole erotic horndog fanfiction site by themselves even though they couldn't do it now if lives were at stake, like, much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it style, right?

I LOVE THE WAY WE COMMUNICATE/YOUR EYES FOCUS ON MY FUNNY LIP SHAPE TUESDAY

(this commemorative t-shirt honors this special moment)

fucking GOOGLING to find out what even happened in this story in 2017 to make this character act this way like I both adore and hate rpf

Five games away fr--

For YOU maybe, but I'm one game away from a Stanley Cup championship ring for a guy who was an also-ran who everyone thought was kind of a dick on a team that treated him with a profound lack of respect, who then got traded from a snowy wasteland to a team where you can wear shorts to practice in January, and most importantly, whose ex-boyfriend is arguably the best player on the Oilers.

Leon in WAG jacket or bust, friends.

Saw a reference to KINKOS, briefly was unable to fully remember what the hell it was and lived in a reality for three seconds where there was a dedicated shop for making X-rated posters.

The Viscount, Lord McDavid, is thoughtful, well-spoken, hands Leon up into his carriage with a careful grip, his hands warm and dry, thumb pressed gently to Leon’s knuckles, tall, raw-boned but graceful, his face not terrible to look at, and very, very rich.

“Of course I like him ever so much, mama,” Leon says, and watches the relief bloom on her face, and tells himself it is not entirely a lie.

Mr. Tkachuk, the elder, on the other hand, does not appear to have ever thought overmuch about one word that comes out of his hateful, pink-lipped mouth. The day he meets Leon, he clasps the tips of his fingers, brushes his mouth against the back of his hand, a whisper of a touch that feels like a slap. He’s incapable of repose, always moving–striding up the steps of his stupidly extravagant townhouse two at a time, or dancing a vigorous waltz with his laughing sister, irrepressible, unruly, from the toes of his boots to the disobedient curl falling down into his eyes. Leon truly detests him, which is quite unimportant, he reminds himself, as Lord McDavid (“–perhaps you would consider calling me by my given name?”)–Connor, then–is to be his betrothed.

Does my tummy hurt because of Connor FUCKInG McDavid!?!???!!!

IS

a show objectively now bad (YES) if you spend an entire Sunday morning walk breaking down how they should have done literally every other story line a different way and if they had it would have been good?

SPECIFICALLY, I mean that if Nate's storyline had been about