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courtney

@heaven-knows-im-miserablee-blog

I'm the blandest person you'll ever meet but I have a banging taste in music & I make pretty good tea:)))))
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the possibility of falling in love. the single most terrifying thought. falling into the depths of a constant state of sadness and happiness. sadness of wonder, of endless possibilities and outcomes. happiness of simply love and discoveries. my bones ache when realizing this is only temporary. you leaving me is only inevitable. and what comes after that? the complete and excruciating feeling of numbness. the empty smiles mean nothing compared to my sparkling eyes when you told me “you loved me”. but how could I be so naive. you leaving and tearing a piece away from me, just for you. that was my best piece. and I have nothing more to offer except this empty pain of nothing.
Source: wnq-writers
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inkskinned

it won’t be like what you imagined. maybe you get the road trip to the beach with coffee in your hand and the radio playing, maybe you don’t. but happy shows up. it’s in a 2 AM game of jenga with your new college friends. it’s curling up for another marathon of netflix. it’s meeting the person who will be your best man at the wedding. it’s 4:45pm in the library when the girl in the study coral across from you quietly whispers “i’m going to set everything on fire” and then turns to you and asks if you wanna take a break for dinner (say yes, she’s very nice and you both need a moment away from the stress). it’s the mornings they have omelettes and in good books and in a puddle that looks cool. it’s sometimes picturesque, but more often it’s full-belly laughter at stupid things on the floor of your friend’s house while in the background someone is debating the best way to win settlers of catan. 

i know it gets dark early now and the tired is setting in and everything sort of feels blank and hazy and you want to spend ages staring at walls thinking of nothing

but happiness will find a way in. it will be small moments. look for them.