I eat romantic shit up. If I were asked to just sit on a roof and look at the stars id probably internally combust

It’s a growlithe

if my growlithe ain’t that big i don’t want it

^ tbh

*grabs her arm* “I could eat you,”

*lets go of her arm* “but I won’t.” 😋

ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

whenever i post this it works  reblog if u want to feel good things & the universe will bring u something sweet 

Sleeping next to someone you care about is probably one of the best feelings in the world.

Y'all ever heard of a tax refund

watching an actress in full makeup pretend to wash her face and then pat dry her still fully contoured cheeks for an acne wash commercial

when i was 13 i had no idea what make up looked like on. media literacy is important

I especially like the makeup remover ads where she takes off her lipstick, to reveal lighter lipstick underneath.

or the commercials for razors with women shaving their already baby smooth, waxed legs

This is such a surreal, dystopian thing about our culture. We literally treat the natural female body like its obscene. No wonder girls grow up with so much self loathing when they feel as if their own skin is incorrect.

there’s a guy in one of my classes who i am secretly battling for dominance over by wearing awful hipster outfits. i dont know if he is thinking the same thing but regardless i intend to win

i thought i won today when i walked into class wearing my awful 1995 figure skating tour of the world (sponsored by campbells soup) t-shirt, mom jeans, and 1980 moscow olympics-theme denim jacket but then he had to walk in wearing a donald duck jacket with matching donald duck socks like what a fucking power move

•if you set your lock & home screens with the same pic=you’ve lost control of your life but haven’t realized it yet. let go, we’re waiting for you on this side

•if you set your lock & home screens as two different pics=you thrive off chaos and love witnessing drama. u have a secret social media platform/side blog.

•if you set your lock & home screens as two different but complimentary pics= sociopath. you’ve planned out a murder. your sign is probably amy dunne of Gone Girl fame

*accidentally opens a program that takes a while to load*

*closes my eyes leans back and embraces death*

I wanna be rich just so I can buy my friends the presents they deserve

Let me tell you how I out thieved these two thieves at work.

So I work a retail job on top of many other jobs, and these two girls were in and out of my store at least 8 times. Which is sketchy and pretty much a give away that they were quite obviously stealing things, I’d see them stick their hands in their pockets or in their bags, but I was the only person at work today so I couldn’t stop checking people out in order to confront them…..which im sure they noticed.

Fast forward a few hours when they finally come back in, they had decided to purchase something to seem less suspicious. A 4$ pair of pearl earrings. At this point there is no one else in the store so I think Game On.

While they were scanning the shelves for anything else they might want, I’m looking at their pockets. I can clearly see the small ring through the fabric that they swiped earlier, the outline of tags shoved in their back pockets, amateurs.

Now for those of you that don’t know, I was stranded in Ireland for about a month with little to no money when I was a teenager and had to resort to being shady to get by till my cousin got me a ticket home. 

Long story short, I am an excellent pick pocket. But I only use my powers for good instead of evil now. 

So I followed them around the store pretending to bump into them as I put items back on the shelves, I stole NOT ONLY the product that they took, but everything in their back pockets. Now before you wag your finger at me just hold on a minute. They come to the register to get the one item they decided to pay for, and I’m smiling the whole time.

 I tell them they price and then…I wait. 

The one girl frantically patted her pockets, clearly confused and she looked at the other girl to ask “Where’s my money at?”  This girl is clearly upset at this point and I suggested “Oh hey maybe you dropped it?” in the most sincere retail voice I can force my vocal cords to produce. Her and her friend drop to their knees and start searching for it. I let them continue like that for 10 minutes before I tell them that I had found it earlier and forgotten. 

“You really should be careful the more you have in your pockets the easier it is for your money to fall out :)))))” I say, the statement unnerved them, they didn’t know if i KNEW or not. But they awkwardly shook it off with a laugh and I start to ring up the earrings again. BUT THIS TIME, I reach over the counter and start to ring up the items I had taken from their pockets. I dropped the tags on the counter and the merchandise hit the table hard, just like these girls mouths hit the floor. 

You should have seen their faces it looked like someone had sucked the very essence right from their bodies. “Oh no she did not.” The one girl whispered as she checked her pockets yet again. Yes, Yes I did :) i’m beaming, their reaction added ten years to my lifespan. They apologize, laughing it off like it was a funny joke. But I’m not done yet.This time I look them dead in the eyes and go “Would you like me to ring out whats in your bags too before security gets here?” 

Shock, pure dismay and anguish come over them, they look at each other. Each of them looks at me like I have personally came and shot their dogs. I AM LIVING, I’m reveling in the situation. Slowly, they lift their bags and dump out more products than Mary Poppins could shove in her bottomless purse. I start ringing it all up. They look horrified. A total of 400$ worth of items. I hold the fate of these girls in my hands and they know it. Over 200$ is a felony larceny charge. But I think they have suffered enough and jail is not fun so I present the ultimatum. 

“You buy it all and I’ll let you go.” 

and that is how I made all my sales goals and fucked with some shoplifters. 

Holy shit ur my idol, that was so beautiful I might cry

“As the father of no daughters because I’m literally in 8th grade, I think sexual harassment is bad.”

These kid are the future.

young adult things: washing your colors with your whites because you don’t care you JUST don’t fucking care

Man Builds Custom-Made Monopoly Board to Propose to His Girlfriend

That man has a lot of guts, assuming anyone will still love him halfway through a game of Monopoly.