headless christman

Weird stories I remember reading online:

A dude starts a story about airsoft with "my great-grandma was a contortionist in a circus. This will be relevant later." And then he starts explaining about this challenge that was played out at his local airsoft field, essentially two-team capture the flag, where both teams could move their flags around their own respective fortresses and hideouts, but with specific rules to make it harder to keep the flag location hidden from the enemy.

And this guy happened to spot the enemy team moving their flag (I think you needed to have 3 players of the team to move your own flag or something), and saw them taking the flag to one large-ish shack with only one entrance. This guy circles the shack several times but can't find any other entrance, only a narrow opening in one wall that's clearly intended to just let in sunlight, and allow people to shoot out of the building or try to shoot in. The enemy team has left this room unguarded, it's upstairs and the flag is held downstairs.

They don't consider it an entrance that should be guarded because no ordinary man could reasonably enter through it. But our hero here is not an ordinary man. He's hyperflexible, and not the first in his family to use their genetic loose joints in their advantage. So this guy reaches in, and carefully puts his gun on the floor. He takes off his coat and belt, and put them inside, too. He even removes his shoes. And then he dislocates his fucking shoulder, in order to squeeze through a hole that people shouldn't fit through.

Once inside, he manages to get his shoulder back on the right way, takes a moment to recover, gets himself geared back up, and sneaks downstairs to fire three unsuspecting enemy teammates in the back, capturing the flag and winning the game. From their point of view, this guy had just manifested out of thin fucking air.

Having been the key to winning this challenge, in a feat that seemed downright impossible, the guy was asked to explain how. So he told them of the squid-like squeezing feat. While everyone was impressed, he was the reason why the field got a new rule: no limb dislocation allowed. Also there's now a bar in the middle of the previous slipping slot, barring any new attempts.

And that's how a circus contortionist's great-grandson got "All team members' ligaments must be kept at their intended locations during the whole game" added to the rule list of an airsoft field.

Someone made an engagement map for TERF tweets

Y’all in the notes please be mindful when you say stuff like “it’s time to kill the British.” The people suffering the most from British transphobia are....British trans people.

^^^^^ for serious. British trans folks rarely get to transition at all, and when they don't they're often denied any social transition period. TERFs in the UK aren't here to start laws against people in America, they're trying and succeeding to kill off trans people in the UK. This really isn't the situation to cram on the brits to look and feel better about yourself... the trans body count is tremendous over there. Please have some respect for the people actually effected.

Please do keep this in mind. As much as I find the anti-British memes funny, this is a genuine issue in the UK.

I’m a trans man in the UK, I’ve been on the waiting list to be diagnosed for just over 2 years now, and am expected to wait around another 2 years before I get my first appointment (if the wait time doesn’t increase). I will then wait around 2 more years (at the very least) for my second appointment, and if I’m very lucky and am diagnosed in that appointment (which is not guaranteed in the slightest), I’ll enter another waiting list to access healthcare. The service I’m in is considered around average. There are people waiting 6 years for their first appointment in other services, so I am incredibly lucky with my supportive family (in that I haven’t been kicked out or abused, parents still don’t respect pronouns or name) and I have good friends who respect me, as well as only waiting 4 years for a first appointment.

Maybe you could go private if you had the money, right? Go a similar route to trans people in the US? A diagnosis from a private practice can be rejected by your General Practitioner, and any referral you get for hormones or surgery can be completely dismissed, because you weren’t diagnosed by an NHS practice. You would likely have to go entirely private, which is not possible for thousands of trans people who rely on the NHS. This is an issue within the NHS and a completely lack of funding and training for trans healthcare, resulting in horrifically long wait time and difficult to access help, especially given doctors and surgeons have and are having their practices shut down because they aren’t considered proper by the NHS, despite being one of very very few who commit to this kind of work.

The transphobia in the UK runs far deeper than just tweets, and combining the aggressively transphobic attitude of a large portion of the population with the lack of healthcare due to wait times and difficulties with funding, you set up an incredibly difficult and dangerous position for trans people. Maybe this sounds like a bunch of complaints and nothing to people in the US, but people here are dying as a result of this. Please do keep this in mind when making anti-UK memes surrounding specifically transphobia.

also, our wait times for HRT have gone up to 6 years through the NHS.

There are officially English asylum seekers in places like New Zealand now because other countries have acknowledged that it is genuinely unsafe for trans people to stay in this country.

#when you say everyone in [insert place here] should die #you are also talking about the countless number people who are suffering there #and that makes you kind of a cunt

Also you need to understand that while engagement in Britain is off the charts it is NOT because there are a lot of transphobes - polls show brits are MORE accepting generally in fact. What this is actually showing is the small and completely insane network of online terfs in the UK who dedicate unfathomable amounts of time and energy solely to driving up engagement on transphobic content, the numbers are unbelievable. Britain is not a place full of transphobes, it's a place with very dedicated transphobes who have the backing of the government and a certain outrageously wealthy and bigoted author.

op is posting from tamriel. or perhaps the lands between

Today's aesthetic: people who are like "this anime could have been good if it weren't for one specific detail that totally ruins it", and then that one specific detail is, like, the thematic foundation of the show's core premise.

People who hate one piece because its long

https://acoup.blog/2019/09/27/collections-this-isnt-sparta-part-vii-spartan-ends/

at their communal tables, spartans ate nutritious but bland food, sometimes described as soup or gruel. asimov relates there was a contemporary greek joke, of course spartans don’t fear death, if all you have to look forward to is gruel every day, death seems preferable.

i posted similar thoughts on livejournal back in the day, i watched 300 and laughed out loud in the theater.

During a hike a few years ago, I was, like, taking the proper tick precautions, tucking my pants into my socks, etc. and everyone was making fun of me for being so freaked about ticks, and later the topic of genie wishes came up and one of the girls there said, "I'd wish that ticks could fly so Newt would kill himself."

I appreciate the concern, but I laughed so hard I almost threw up.

monarchists are all on the same side until it comes time to choose which king.

Nonsense. To a man, they all support Emperor Not Technically Me But Will Nevertheless Be The Perfect Avatar For Every One Of My Ideals the First..

I see a lot of anime fans argue over whether Haruhi, Madoka, or Lain should be recognized as the official God-figure of anime. However, and hear me out here, what if all three of them are just separate aspects of the true Anime God? Think about it: Haruhi is the one who created the universe and gives life and power to all things. Madoka is a mortal manifestation of love and forgiveness who sacrificed herself to save humanity from the darkness that would otherwise consume them. And Lain is the personification of the divine energy that flows through and connects everything, who watches over everyone in order to guide them on the right path.

And now it occurs to me that I just ascribed the roles of The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to three anime girls. I’m pretty sure I am going to Hell now.

Anime Martin Luther coming to nail her 95 theses directly to your laptop for daring to suggest the Trinity is real

"batman's unwavering belief in rehabilitation is actually bad bc villains keep escaping and killing" yes darling that's called a fatal flaw and allows interesting stories discussing how trauma shapes one's morality and narrative foils like jason todd to be explored

Why is it even Batman's responsibility to keep the villains from escaping? He catches them and hands them over to the people whose actual job it is to keep them locked up and they fail to do so! Why doesn't anyone have this criticism about superheroes besides Batman? Why hasn't Superman snapped Zod's neck yet?

Oh, wait. Everyone hated that.

and always people go 'why doesn't batman just kill the joker!' when the response really is 'why hasn't some guard or random intern just killed the Joker, they're not nearly as likely to have the unbreakable moral code.' let alone 'you know being crazy doesn't mean they won't put you in the electric chair, surely some jury would have fast-tracked his ass for a pine box.'

They've tried. Lots of times.

He keeps coming back because he sells books.

I think I have a more interesting twist on the "batman is responsible for the joker" idea.

It's heavily based on the Batman Beyond movie, so spoilers for that. Mostly I agree with Terry on this.

My head cannon for the joker is that he likes messing with people, and is very good at it. Most people are freaked out by his murderous games, some are enraged, some might even be intrigued. But most people have some reaction to his playful approach to homicide.

But not batman. No matter how deadly, or absurd, or sadistic the Joker's ploys are, Batman retains his stoic demeanor. This is where Batman's mistake lies.

Batman's ability to remain calm catches the Joker's interest. He's curious what it would take to break Batman, make him show some emotion, any emotion. What would it take to break that stone expression?

So the Joker strives to find it. Make him enraged enough to break his code against killing, cry, show genuine fear? Something.

Every time Batman maintains his emotionless exterior, The Joker isn't discouraged, in fact that just pushes the dopamine lottery jackpot higher. The tougher a challenge it proves to be, the more rewarding finally succeeding will be.

Makes me think about the idea of an AU where the personas of Batman and Bruce Wayne have reversed personalities. How would that change the dynamic?

This explains perfectly why we want to keep cash.  Be it dollar signs or pound signs, the principle is exactly the same.

Or even just the privacy of any given transaction. The bank doesn’t need to know about everything you buy. They don’t need an electronic record that you gave your niece money for her birthday. There doesn’t have to be a time stamp and geo tracker attached when you pay your friend back for lunch.

Wasn’t there some bank that said they wouldn’t service gun stores?

Yes, and there are some gun stores/advocates who have had their accounts closed. Some credit card payment processors who won’t process gun sales, or if they do pass on your purchase information to law enforcement, helping to create a gun registry without any laws being passed. If cash is eliminated, you control what people buy. Get out of line? We closed your accounts and now what are you gonna do?

A cashless society is a shortcut to financial authoritarian control.

Yikes.

Venezuelan Gunboat vs. German Cruise Ship

(x)

Image description: a tweet by Kim Belair @BagelofDeath. Tweet reads: Aunt Dai is my favourite Chinese restaurant in Montreal, but the REAL treat is the menu, featuring extremely honest commentary from the owner. The tweet has a series of screencaps from the menu attached. In order, they read: 1) Owner’s words: little little bit spicy, more flavor of cumin, very tasty. We used to have the beef pieces on small sticks but several customers cut their lips by it thinking it was some hard ingredient (They must have watches some shows about weird Chinese food). To avoid incidents like this, no more sticks. Some good infusion from the overly fried onion slices (which you can eat). definitely recommend this. 2) Orange beef (Chén Pí Niú Ròu) $11,99 Owner’s words: Comparing to our General Tao Chicken, this one is not THAT good. Anyway, I am not big fan of North American Chinese food and it’s your call. 3) Ingredients: pork, wood ear, bamboo shoots, green peppers, red peppers Owner’s words: This is the number one choice dish ordered by Chinese customers across whole China according to an Internet survey and I totally believe that. When I was China and went to a restaurant, I always ordered this dish. It’s so popular that it has so many different versions in China. Since I have so high expectation on this dish, I am not a huge fan for our version to be honest. But don’t get me wrong, the plate at our restaurant is very tasty too, it’s just different from those where I went to university. 4) Satay sauce beef (shā chá niú ròu) $13,99 Owner’s words: This is new on our menu, I did NOT have chance to try this one yet. According to a lot of customers, this one is very popular, I still don’t have chance to taste it. Looks like I should spend more time eating in my own restaurant. 5) Ingredients: potatoes, chili, vinegar Owner’s words: This plate will show you how Chinese cuisine can do with our beloved potato outside of French fries, mash potato, chips. This potato Julian dish is very very popular in China. Let’s salute potato! 6) Owner’s comments: It has curry flavor, don’t expect it to be SO tasty but it’s a safe choice and make you happy.

that post about how its impossible to satirize masculinity without thousands of men earnestly idenitifying with it isn't wrong but ive also seen enough women cheer on the most rancid shit as long as its got a veneer of femininity to it so idk i think it might just be a human thing

equality win: men and women both bad at media comprehension !!

for every Taxi Driver there's a Midsommar

For every Fight Club there's a Gone Girl

For every American Psycho there's Steven Universe

And speaking of scurvy, I am eternally amused by the thing where some ancient form of healing that was born in a time where people didn't know exactly how the human body works, or what causes it to stop working sometimes, that still somehow worked. Like how so many old folk medicinal plants were listed as a cure for various ailments that - from a modern view - are clearly just symptoms of scurvy, and the plant itself is rich in vitamin C.

I recall reading some story, no recollection of the exact time or place, where the king of a large empire suffered from constant horrible headaches and was incapable of falling asleep unless drugged or blackout drunk. Sick of taking temporary fixes to dull the pain and having to be sedated every night, he called up some old sage healer who was said to know how to fix things nobody else could explain, and the healer heard his symptoms and went

"Hmm. You spend too much time being a king. Your skull is packed so full of kingly thoughts that they don't all fit in there and that's why your head is in pain. You need to spend time not being a king." And prescribed him to schedule three days every month where he must go to a peasant village where nobody knows he's the king, live with a family there under a fake name and identity, work in the rice fields with them, eating the same food and sleeping on the same mats. Absolutely nobody is allowed to address him as the king, speak to him of any royal or political matters, and he himself is not allowed to think any kingly thoughts or think of himself as the king.

And naturally, this worked. Taking a regular scheduled break from a highly stressful office desk job to completely decompress, paired with physical exercise in the form of hard but simple physical labour, plain and simple food and Just Not Thinking About Your Fucking Job All The Time does help chronic stress, which here was worded as "spending too much time being a king clogs your brain."

Sometimes you do have ghosts in your blood, though I'm not entirely sure whether you should do cocaine about it.

How is bnha anime of the decade...... they aren’t even anime of the hour of the minute of the second

The notes on this post were so toxic that staff just axed em

1969.........

Yes, when the original post is deleted from the server (not just the blog, but the Tumblr servers), there is no root post for notes to be added onto, and also no root post for time to be counted from, so it starts from zero. Most computer operating systems use Unix, which was launched in 1971 with t.he epoch date of midnight on January 1, 1970 as 1. Therefore zero is one second behind that date: December 31, 1969. Also, very unfortunately, this also means nobody except you and anyone you reblog it to will see this explanation, as you cannot open the notes to see comments when there are no notes.

Tumblr is truly one of the webbed sites ever

and?

and I hope they get their goth girlfriend

Who knows? Goths might want a trad bf

May just want to be loved, and not be concerned about the rest, just find someone that puts them first, and they in turn put the other person first, perfect acceptance of a imperfect person

I mean, 4'2" women be wanting a 6'8" dude but everyone says, "you go girl, slay queen," so I don't know why the guy in the initial image can't have his goals.

Isn't it kinda sexist to assume a goth gf can't love an average guy? 

Or that an average guy is inherently wrong to want a goth gf?

I landed my big tiddy Goth fiancèe by taking an interest in her life and treating her like a human fucking being rather than a fucking object.

Merryweather made a cute comic about a goth GF dating an average dude

Which of course sparked outrage for being “unrealistic” and a “fetish fantasy”, because the opposite situation (hot guy, average girl) wouldn’t happen etc.

So they did a follow up

Odd that “having a happy girlfriend who will defend her boyfriend from criticism of their relationship” is considered a fetish just because she’s alt.

Almost like the critics were desperately looking for some excuse to sneer at the relationship because the comic struck a nerve.

Okay but platypus venom is actually one of the weirdest things about them.

So like, everyone knows how famously weird platypuses are. Semi-aquatic egg-laying mammals with duck bills and beaver tails, but too few people mention how strange their venom is.

First of all it's only found on males. I'm no scientist but from my (limited) research, I can't find any other example of a vertebrate with venom. Venom in mammals is rare enough already anyway, but sexual dimorphism in the venom in a mammal is all but unheard of.

Next, platypi primarily use their venom on each other. The males produce venom from their leg knives year round, but venom production goes in to overdrive during mating season, leading scientists to believe that they mainly use it on each other to compete for mates. As an additional not here, not only is it injected through their legs, but they use their legs as a vice, trapping their victims between them and repeatedly stabbing.

Now, what the venom actually *does*. It will temporarily paralyze other platypa, but will quickly kill other small animals. There have been no recorded deaths on humans from platy-venom, but if you get stung by one, you'll wish you had been thr first. The pain is "immediate, sustained, and devastating". Fortunately, there have been so few examples of humans being stung that the results are not very well-researched, but what has been seen is enough. It will cause the afflicted area to swell up with extreme pain for days, weeks, or even months. Without end. Even 25 years later there have been reports of continued stiffness and pain in afflicted areas.

I've saved the worst for last though.

It's immune to painkillers.

That's right, even morphine is inadequate to stop the pain from these guys. You get stung? Debilitating, inescapable pain for months on end with lifelong aftereffects.

Tl;dr: you're right to be wary of their venomous knees. Never go near a platypus unless you know for certain it's female.