i feel like no one really wants to hear that sleep/exercise/nutrition/hydration are major factors in treating mental health issues bc we’ve all talked to that person who thinks your depression would be cured by one good session of goat yoga or whatever but unfortunately they do help and i’m chronically annoyed about it
dear god please let our new baby octopus feel confident enough to move out of her corner hiding spot today while i’m on exhibits so i can see her properly for the first time amen
she stuck out a single arm before changing her mind and deciding the rest of the tank is too scary, far too scary by far she is scared
i am never talking to a cishet person again. did you know some of these people believe that watching porn is cheating
queers are out here having five dimensional sex and cishets are living in the stone age...... we have to enlighten them......
WE HAVE TO FUCKING HELP THEM WHAT DO YOU MEAN MASTURBATING IS CHEATING . CHEATING WITH WHO.
If a trans woman became chess world champion, terfs would unironically go: "It's unfair, male brains are much smarter than female brains. It's well known that women are fucking stupid. #feminism"
They literally did this to a trans woman who won a game of jepoardy named Amy Schneider.
Like they unironically argued that men are "socialized to like trivia more than women" and "men are genetically predisposed to have faster reaction times than women" and other complete nonsense.
"Women are fucking stupid and inherently inferior to men" - terfs, without a single fucking shred of irony or self-awareness
its literally even fucking co-ed!!! its not like jeopardy is a fucking gendered thing!!! there were also men competing w her!!! wtf
^ me shocked that normal people don’t know ben drowned lore
I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that Ben drowned.
you cannot begin to imagine what happened to ben
fantasy characters: “Geez”
me: who the fuck spread Christianity there
this two-years-old shitpost just gained a hundred notes who the snickerdoodles dug it up
W H A T
In moments like this I always fall back on the fact that they also aren’t speaking English because they don’t have England or the many languages and conquering peoples that contributed to the creation of the English language and therefore the work musr be a translation into recognizable terms in our world’s terms. Call that Tolkien Brainrot.
Definitely funnier if you make fantasy explanations though,
Champagne is a wizard who sells bubbly alcohol.
It’s called English because of the original Lish people, all languages start with En here.
French fries are not potatoes they’re roots of the french plant.
Goodbye is now short for ‘good be your eye’ wishing you luck seeing the path ahead.
Jesus Christ is a long dead lich who used to cause everyone problems and we haven’t stopped saying her name when things go wrong.
And that’s the Pratchett approach
Still feels weird that the same band made "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" and "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)"
It's like if Smash Mouth and Fall Out Boy were one band.
The Offspring are honestly a contender for the funniest punk band ever, made even funnier by the fact that Dexter Holland is pushing 60 now and has a PhD in virology.
Like imagine being on an academic committee and reviewing a dissertation on HIV protein-encoding genomes and it's from a guy with frosted tips whose greatest legacy is the Crazy Taxi soundtrack.
That's the Offspring.
“A photo of a photo of me and my late bf Greg Beutler. He was fucking stunning. He died in 1996, at age 33, 4 days before the Atlanta Olympics. I told my mom I was positive then and she planned my funeral with my aunt Susie. This is not meant to be a buzz kill but a story of survival, remembrance and triumph. Greg was one of the kindest people I ever met. I introduced myself to him on a dance floor in Miami because he had KS on his arm and I only dated other positive guys. He died abruptly about 2 or 3 years later. I still miss him. Fuck you AIDS.” - by Jack Mackenroth @jackmackenroth
Talking to myself out loud like a point and click protagonist
Losing it over some of y'all's tags btw Here's my favorites
and lastly.
good night
It is may 29th, 1453. You are Sultan Mehmed the Conqueror, and you have just taken the city of Constantinople. You’ve been scaring the daylights out of the Christian world for a while now, but now you’ve really gone and done it. Your little jaunt through Asia Minor is causing a bunch of greek theologians to pull up and run further west into europe. The catholic church already has their hands full with a whole mess of internal conflicts. You wonder how they’re gonna handle this influx of new ideas. Sure would be a shame if you accidentally contributed to some sort of protestant reformation or something. You can’t think about that right now though, you’ve got to think of a better name for your cool new city.
Meanwhile, back in the Catholic Church, a sin is being committed. A sin so grievous and dangerous that it will eventually tear the Christian world as we know it in two: people are translating the Bible into dutch.
stopped reading there
LATER LOSERS LMFAOOO
I really gotta play more minecraft with people who like building stuff. I'm almost done digging out my 64×64 block hole in my minecraft world and when my fiance asked me what I'm gonna build in there when I'm done my brain fucking bluescreened like what do you mean build something?? I dug the hole!! Building is for smart people with good ideas!! I just dig!!
POV: You have a Minecraft server
AND WHAT ABOUT IT
It's not gay to suck a guy's dick if he beats you in a video game first. Those are just the rules of being a gamer.
i thought the "AND THE CROWD GOES HOME" style jokes were very funny but unfortunately my autistic ass has now become obsessed with just spamming these emojis on everything i say for dramatic effect to an obnoxious level LOOK AT THESE GUYS ☝️‼️💯💪☝️💥‼️🔥💯💪‼️💯☝️☝️☝️☝️
but why there is no reason to do that 😀😁😃😄🙃😁😀😄😃🙃😄🙃😁😃😁😃😁😃😁😃😁😀😁😀🙃😄😀😁😃😁😃😄😃😉😀😉🙃😃😃😄🙃😄😀😄🙃😄😀😄🙃😄😃😄🙃😄😀😁🙃😄😀😁🙃😄😀😃🙂😁🙂😄🙃😄😃😄😀😄🙃😄🙃😁😀😄🙃😄😀😄😃😄🙂😁😃😄🙃😄😀😄😃😃🙂😁🙃😄😀😄🙃😄🙃😄😀😄🙂😄🙃😄😀😀😄🙃😄🙂😃😃🙃😄😀😃😗😄😀🙃😗😀🙃😀🙃😀🙃😀😄🙂😄🙃😃😀🙃😃😄😀🙃😀🙃😀😄😃🙃😀😁😃🙃😁😀😄🙃😁😃😁😀🙃🦍😄🙃😄😀😄😃😄😀😄🙂😄🙃😄😃😁😀🙃😄😃😄😃😁😃😄😃😄😀🙃😄🙃😄😃😄🙃😄
I'm imagining if tolkien lived now and publishers were asking him if he had enough followers on twitter and if he could film videos to market his found family elfcore magic cottagevibes worldbuilding fantasy book on tiktok. i think he would run them over with his car actually
