• Complete dissociation
• Not knowing who you are/not recognizing yourself
• Having no control over the things your saying, which can include things like threatening to bodily harm/kill people/animals and other really terrifying things
• The speed at which you can go from extreme anger and rage to being better about a situation is almost unnatural and really eerie to reflect on sometimes
• Having to “childproof” you environment by locking up things like prescription pills, alcohol, sharp objects, lighters, etc.
• Intrusive thoughts/voices in your head/saying or thinking things that feel like they come from someone else
• Worrying that you’re going to hurt somebody (and I don’t mean emotionally I mean like worrying you’re going to black out in rage and stab someone to death)
• Other people worrying you’re going to hurt/kill them and them taking visible precautions against it which make you feel worse
• All or nothing emotions. Everything is too much or it’s nothing. The feeling like you have so many emotions your body can’t physically contain them or just feeling empty
• The depression cycles where you can’t sleep or can’t eat or can’t get up to use the bathroom for hours on end
• The extreme lengths people take to try and control you when you’re having an episode (especially if you’re a minor living with a parent) like locking you up or physically restraining you etc.
• Not making plans for the future because you don’t think you’re going to make it that far for whatever reason

“You were unsure which pain is worse: the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will.”

“The saddest truth is realising you have fallen madly in love with what can never be.”