dogy

dogy

Happy dogy (he is a Wet Beast) Wednesday

will never forget when i worked in a fast food joint. some customer wrote like “86 cherries” on their mobile order, as like a pretentious way of say no cherries, but the store was run by a bunch of high schoolers who are working their first job so they collectively went “why the fuck does this guy want 86 fucking cherries” and like piled them onto his milkshake

so when i made this i didn’t expect ANY notes so i feel like an asshole now for not explaining. so incase you check the notes, 86 in restaurant terms means “unavailable or out of stock” but has kinda morphed into “omit” or “leave out”. but none of us had worked in a restaurant before, also why would you not just say “no cherries” it’s the same amount of characters to type

Man ordering food: I work in the restaurant business ;)

Children working at restaurant: this guy must really like cherries. Got something in your eye there sir

gonna start saying “you couldn’t make x movie today” but for reasons unrelated to political correctness

you couldn’t make Home Alone 2: Lost in New York today because the strict airport regulations put into place after 9/11 make it nigh impossible for a child to simply walk onto the wrong plane

You couldn’t make American psycho today because Christian Bale would actually kill Jared Leto for real

I don’t see that as a deal breaker.

𓀐𓂸

poor things, well we should definitely make this easier on them by never repeatedly mentioning their name and deeds on the "reblog things forever" website

Oh yay it's the "cover evidence before the court case" move

It'd be a bummer if there were hundreds of pages of their content archived on the internet archive

Or backups of their YouTube channels

If I had to read this then so do you all <3

In case anyone doesn't know, to decant a wine is to take it out of the container it fermented in and pour it into a bottle while sifting out the sediment and detritus that has settled to the bottom over the years that it's been closed.

If this story is true, which is so horribly in character that I have to imagine that it is, then they probably had some needlessly extravagant Rich People wine at this party. I'd ballpark at least a couple hundred per bottle, maybe a couple thousand knowing the kinds of brown-nosing marks that tend to spawn near Elon.

What this means is that he was likely drinking yucky dirty shitty Wine Dregs that were potentially rotting for decades, typically consisting of dead yeast, insoluble rotting grape skins/seeds, and honestly probably a bunch of other shit that you HAVE to filter out before drinking "real" wine.

Fucking idiot.

He's the guy with the most money, by the way.

happy Thursday the 20th

I’d have to wait months or even years for another chance to reblog this, so why the fuck not?

next days you can reblog this on a Thursday the 20th

August 2015

October 2016

April 2017

July 2017

September 2018

December 2018

June 2019

February 2020

August 2020

You know, just in case you wanted to set your queue for the next 6 years

TODAY

Since it’s now August 20, 2020… The next days you can reblog this on a Thursday the 20th:

If you wanted to set your queue for the next six years.

I love that Tumblr just celebrates days. Just random days. Because we can.

F l a t

Happy Flat Fuck Friday everyone!

I had to mentally send myself a reaction image the other day. I ran up the stairs on all fours, said to myself “i’m such a locationpilled scampercel” and then perfectly envisioned this image

please i've already hurt so much

So I'm leaving work and something darts in front of me, maybe 10ft away, too fast for me to see what it is. Peek around the tree blocking my path and I see this

Just like... a whole ass hawk. Dude's gotta be about 1.5ft tall. Massive fucking bird. And it's just staring me straight in my soul like this, even as I try to move ahead. It didn't budge. And there's only this path back to my car unless I want to walk on a busy highway. So I have the option of Death By Raptor or Death By Truck.

So I walk in the poison ivy filled patch off the sidewalk. Guy still isn't moving. Still staring me directly in the eyes. And I do this thing when animals are behaving strangely where I'll talk to them, so I'm just like, "Hey, man. I don't know you. You don't know me. This feels really threatening. I'm just trying to get to my car, dude. Can I get some space please? You're a big fucking bird. I see those claws. You could kill me right now, but I'd appreciate if you didn't, ok?"

It didn't move until I was about 2ft away. Again: I'm as far from it as I can be without walking into the street. It clearly wasn't going to budge. I walk past, thing flies up (silent, btw. Scary) and lands on a brick wall a little further ahead

Anyway. Weird guy. Nearly shit my pants when I noticed a bird big enough to carry off a fully grown cat was just... there, staring me in the face, unwilling to move away from me, a human, something it should see as a threat. I watched behind me the whole rest of the way to my car, just in case this bird decided to help me shed this mortal coil. 10/10 experience. Super cool guy.

This is so funny because that’s a freshly-fledged juvenile red tailed hawk.

It didn’t leave simply because it didn’t really know the giant gorilla thing walking towards it was a threat. You were menaced by what amounts to a teenager who just passed their driving test just chilling under a tree.

This thing weighs all of 1 pound and barely knows it’s a bird.

the bird got a nat20 on intimidation from a die it knocked off the desk

honey-nut clarity

post-nut cheerios

I hate how it makes sense considering their genetics. Flamenco has red hair and green eyes just like Katrina. Also high cheekbones, similar skintones… I think we’re onto something…

IM CRYING????

Why is this heat so hot 😩

It’s the heat

Source?

what’s my name???

FUCKACCINO!!!

after inputting some complex algorithms into my super computer i’ve determined what tumblr will look like in the year 2020

i love how this comes back after every shitty update staff makes