Dissociation is so weird because half the time i’ll dissociate as a coping mechanism to deal with some kind of stressful event, and the other half of the time i’ll just be chillin eating some pancakes and my brain will be like “u aren’t real and neither are these pancakes” and I’m just like “ok”

She did. Once.

Tbh drunk me is just regular me but 2x as honest and 10x as horny

Songs that never fail to make white people beyond turnt

The best part is of all of those songs I know, they’re all true to this statement

my name backwards spells “disappointment and skin problems”

nice to meet you, Smelborp Niks Dna Tnemtnioppasid

You really shouldn’t put your full name on the internet, it’s not safe.

I’m done

Smelborp for president

Smelborp is my idol

honestly i dont even play an active role in my life shit just happens and im like oh is this what we’re doing now ok

me, all the time: i could just die and not have to do this

Ayooo

When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.

That last story is worth reblogging

all stories in here are worth reblogging. these are all amazing

This is the kind of parent I am gonna be :D

“Hiding behind a pair of knickers watching-” 😂.

love all of your moms

I JUST REALIZED THAT THE PLURAL OF BEEF IS BEEVES

LOOK AT THIS

WAS I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDNT KNOW ABOUT BEEVES

i just told my roommate this and he just got up and left the apartment, and didn’t come back right away so i went outside and he was just

that is the face of a broken man

this is by far the best comment anyone has added to my text post

I guess he had some beeves with this new information

fun Depression™ things

#justdepressionthings