how to stop feeling like your body is a crime scene
whetstonegirl
hunger → (obsession) → anger
Anne Carson, Plainwater / Half-Light, Frank Bidart / Gut Feminism, Elizabeth A. Wilson / @wormbus-art / “The Aliens Seek to Understand Pain, ” Kristina Erny / “Everyone You've Loved,” Susannah Irene / Blood, Tin, Straw, Sharon Olds / Lisa Marie Basile, “I Put the Coffin Out to Sea” / We Inherit What the Fires Left, William Evans
when your body is the coffin
you died long ago, now
living in concrete dreams
going nowhere but maybe
the bottom of a river
the lush green of girlhood paved over and over and
over and
over
a room like early morning light
sunshine
son shine
me? shaded
one cloud in the sky, i
chased it
darkness, unease
more reliable than a sunrise
a year lost in that room
eyes glazed, pearl earrings
watched the walls at 5 am
mind splitting from body, i
lived between the two
life became hollow
i couldn't grow into adulthood
too much space for one little
dead girl, i
wonder if a coffin
can become like home
femalegrendel-deactivated202205
male psychs will take one look at an childhood rape survivor who has trouble with intimacy and who feels like her entire existence is a sort of performance in which she has to manipulate her loved ones into loving her back and who feels like shes meant to be used to service others. and be like she has bpd. Yeah homeboy… Being Phemale Disorder maybe!
awoundstillfresh-deactivated202
"My own body is my deepest enemy. It wants, it wants, it wants, and when it does not get, it cries and cries and I punish it. How can you live in fear of your very self?"
holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe
To the Bone, Dorothy Allison
[ID: That summer I did not go crazy / but I wore / very close / very close / to the bone.]
I actually cannot describe to you what it’s like to be a victim of sexual abuse from a family member and see that the most popular porn categories are some variation of “step sister.” The majority of men who watch porn believe, on some level, the worst thing that ever happened to me is the most titillating thing they could imagine. I have PTSD from what men jerk off to. I hear jokes about it constantly from men. It’s a punchline. It’s a porn category. It’s entertainment. It’s a fantasy. It’s broken me fundamentally as human being, and men jerk off to it every single day.
